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Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? UnNews Thursday, September 21, 2023, 08:51:59 (UTC)

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Oh, so THAT's what this leading candidate must have been thinking!
UnNews Logo Potato1.pngNAVELISM
WIKIA CITY -- UnNews Senior Editors have discovered what a leading candidate in the 2024 U.S. Presidential election must have been thinking, according to most opinion leaders who want him dead.

The discovery follows a change to the UnNews Style Guide that all articles must henceforth have headlines styled as riddles, so that the reader cannot tell what the article is about without clicking on it. This aligns UnNews with leading U.S. blog sites. Full story»

India finally gets moon landing right
SOUTH POLE, Moon -- India finally avoided crashing a spacecraft on the surface of the moon, soft-landing its Chandrayaan-3 close to here.

India had previously joined an exclusive club of five nations that converted millions of dollars of precision equipment to a shower of metal and wires, despite the relatively piddling gravity of Earth's cosmic neighbor. Full story»

Freedom poses rhetorical questions, remains unemployed
BOSTON, Massachusetts -- Basketball player Enes Freedom has asked if it would be fair if he claimed to be a woman to play in the Women's League.

He is a Turk claiming to be an American, and his birth surname is Kanter though he now claims it is Freedom. He posted his question on Twitter, which now claims its name is X. Full story»

Trump faces the Indictment gang
Dodge D.C. USA -- Sinister lawyer Jack Smith and the Hole in My Legal Case Gang have tracked down the fugitive Big Donnie Trump to a court house in Dodge D.C. With his team of Sheriff Joe Biden's hand picked lawslingers, Smith announced that he "had got his bounty". Trump was taken before Judge Judy.

He said, "I have my Colt 45 indictments, which will put away Trump away for 100 years." Full story»

I had a birthday and you need to know it
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Not just any birthday. For that, I would not interrupt my continual stream of backaching about the favor-trading in our Legislature or the lawlessness of our Chief of State. No, this was a landmark birthday.

For, dear reader, I have turned a nice, round 150. And you need to take time out from contemplating impeachment to hear how I feel about it. Full story»

Uncyclopedia rebrands as "Y"
SAN FRANCISCO, California -- Wikipedia parody site Uncyclopedia has been rebranded as Y — leaving many asking "why?"

Along with the name change, the classic puzzle potato logo will also be changed to a simple black Y, much to the dismay of long-time users. Full story»

Uncyclopedia adds rate limit
SAN FRANCISCO, California -- As readers continue to flock to Uncyclopedia, mistaking it for Wikipedia, the site has imposed a read limit.

The move, patterned after a similar policy change at Twitter, follows a torrent of messages left on admins' talk pages that certain articles are not "funny." Full story»

Trump plans new game show
ORLANDO, Florida -- Former and possibly future American president Donald Trump will launch a new game show, whose working title is Checks or Chinos.

Participants will have to guess what is inside one of his boxes taken from the White House. Full story»

Aussie police have an American moment
BRISBANE, Queensland -- Police ended a nine-hour siege with a gunman, after wishing for "something to happen like it does in America".

The gunman was not met with words and tasers (as is usually the case), but with rifles and officers covered head-to-toe in tactical gear. Full story»

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About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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TV Highlights September 21

Jesus Slaps the Shit Outta _____. Fantasy
EWTN 6:00 PM EDT/5:00 CDT
This week's guests: American Catholic Bishops.

Spanish Inquisition Game
HIST 6:00 PM EDT/5:00 CDT
Betcha weren't expecting this.

Test Patterns Art history
CBS 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
In an effort to boost ratings, the network replaces one of its several crime dramas with an hour long slide show of test cards used throughout TV history.