Audi

Audi is a German car manufacturer that makes cars for people with lots of money who don't want to respect cyclists or even other people who drive Audi's. These cars are really popular with businesspeople who own a black iPhone 6s touch and Ray-Ban aviator sunglasses.

History of Audi

The NSU Prinz 4 was really useful for hiding corpses.

Origin

Somewhere around 1880 NSU and Wanderer were founded which made lame cars such as the Prinz 4. Later, they would merge in with two other German, also useless-little-car-producing companies with logos which are not easy to read and unpleasant for the eyes.

Further collaborations

19 years later some guy named August Horch began his company Horch Automobilsomething. However, he used a name which already existed and everyone kept laughing at it, so he changed the name to Audi Automobilsomething. And that was all because his stupid son was studying Latin in a dark corner of the room where he was debating the name of his company.

And the fourth company, DKW (Dark Kitchen Waste) sort of just hopped in and nobody knows why to this day.

In 1989 Audi produced it first car called the Audi Type A which looked exactly like all the other cars except for the grille and which did also not have an original name. And that is what Audi still does today.

Here you see an A8, popular with dictators like Kim Jong Un and of course, Angela Merkel

Audi models

Here are some of the models Audi produces today.

• A1: mini Cooper-like car, but with an Audi-grille and logo.
• A3: See A4
• A4: See A5
• A5: See A6
• A6: See A7
• A7: See A8
• A8: Luxury car that shares its design with all the other Audi's.
• Q1,2,3,4,5,6,7, etc. Luxury Offroad car that shares its design with all the other Audi's.
• R8: Yeah, this is something.
• TT: The only car that has a minimum of one 'T' in the name.

The A3 scandal

Here we see one of the many Audi's that was set on fire during the crisis.

In late 2015, a shocking fact came to the light; Volkswagen had installed software in several cars that showed an emission much higher than it actually was, including the by Volkswagen produced Audi A3. The world was shocked to discover the A3 had emissions much lower than it was originally stated.

Normally, an average A3 owner could brag about how rich he was because he spent so much on his Audi and all the gasoline he put into it. But now the world knew Audi's actually used a lot less, bragging about all his money spent on gasoline wouldn't impress anyone. And, of course, these cars polluting less of the air would bring the Audi owners a step closer to the 'Prius-Idiots', as they were called by the Audi owners in those times of crisis.

A direct result of this was thousands of A3 owners setting their A3's on fire and driving them off cliffs. The reason for those fires was to compensate the lack of pollution that the Audi owners experienced. And, of course, the stock price of Audi plummeted to an astounding -0,78% on Dow Jones. This caused Audi to give free shares to random people on the streets (even homeless people).

Three months later, however, nobody cared anymore and bought A3's again.

Successful models

The R8, a great supercar.

The Audi S4 is by far one of the best sold Audi's ever produced, however, the second generation wasn't selling that much at all. The reason for this was most likely the design that got too far (especially the matte pink spoiler), which was one of the biggest concerns of the public and car journalists.

Other remarkable models are:

• the A2: Rumours say Tom Cruise drives a matte brown one.
• the 1913 Audi Type C saloon: This was the best-selling Audi at its time, because it came with a steering wheel and navigation.
• the S-class: Known as the worst Audi ever made, most likely because it is a Mercedes-Benz.

Typical Audi drivers

An Audi driver in action.

The Audi drivers can be split up into two separate groups:

• The A1 drivers
• All the others

The A1 Drivers are easily recognizable as women in their twenties that wear sunglasses from any designer brand that are way too big. Those drivers are often nice, but not always.

Then there are the A/Q/R/TT drivers. These drivers have a extremely strong desire to be the most arrogant douchebags on the road. Usually, Audi owners will have enough gel in their hair to supply the whole if india, wear an extremely tight pink long-sleeve work shirt, have a wireless bluetooth earpiece in their ear, usually calling someone on their space grey iPhone 6s, and honking loud if they do something wrong but they think you did. And they ALWAYS have a pair of blue-tinted Oakley sunglasses on. Also, it is normal for these drivers to not use the turn signals and blame you for it.

The future of Audi

Audi has released lots of exciting concept cars the past years, like the Audi A9 and the Quattro Sport E-Tron Hybrid Concept Car (which aren't going to have blinkers). However, the public mistakes the concept cars for the actual production line and the cars which are already in production for the concept cars. The main reason for this is that 'they look all the same', says the public. Car journalists, however, think all the new concept cars are great because they all have cupholders included.

See also

• Douchebag
• Arrogance