Chevrolet Camaro

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This is a Camaro.

The Chevy Camaro (also known as Pontiac Firebird) is a piece of crap sports/pony/muscle car made from 1969 until 2002 (caused by total failure of GM in making a car).Chevy decided to make this Camaro again in 2009.It is the favorite car of white trash worldwide along with the Firebird. The concept car was first announced in 1966 by The Society for the Elimination of Shitty Stuff from the Automotive World, and the Camaro name was given to the car because every other GM car's name began with the C-letter (aka. crap).

First generation (1967-1969)[edit]

Due to GM's inability to think for themselves, George Costanza (CEO of GM at the time) ordered chief designer Tony Soprano to come up with a half-assed copy of the popular Ford Mustang. This pain-staking process, in which GM designers steal a few competing vehicles off the lot and study every detail, then reproduce a cost-cutted copy to sell for a higher price is known affectionately as the GM Way. Soprano's men collected a few Mustangs from Ford's testing facility in Chernobyl and took them back to GM's headquarters in Texass for examination. To their surprise, the designers found that the Ford Mustang was a piece of shit. They were stunned. They could not understand why it was so successful! To them, it was nothing but a cheap re-body of a vanilla sedan, the Falcon.

2 Fast 2 Furious; with 400 horsepower, the 1969 Camaro is one of the fastest ricers in the world.

Costanza himself was most surprised at these findings. Ford were pretty stupid, but to the extent, Costanza did not previously know. He told Soprano to come up with three ideas by the day's lunch break to present to him during his daily handjob. Soprano excused himself to the executive restroom for more than a few minutes to brainstorm ideas. One plan was to create an exact copy of the Mustang, only changing the badges. This practice is known as rebadging, a process from which GM would subsist off for decades. The second idea was to create something entirely incompetent and unsafe for the road, but market it as a race-ready beast. Unfortunately, this would surely piss of that cock-sucker Ralph Nader, who was so adamant about the alleged "unsafeness" of the recent Corvair. Soprano's final plan would be to whip up some half-assed RWD chassis from the parts bin, lie outrageously about the specs and substitute actual suspension engineering for sticky tires. When presented to the boss, Constanza spat in his face, then said to go with option three.

Costanza allotted Soprano's crew a whopping six weeks to develop a Mustang-fighter. Soprano, always the lazy bastard, outsourced the engine and chassis development to Honda founder and long-time muscle car enthusiast Kermit the Frog. Kermit was no idiot; he knew he was getting shafted with this job, but he also knew that if he did it right, it'd put him on the map. So Kermit told the engineering crew to whip up some engines with whatever spare parts were lying around. The first engine to be seriously considered was an unfortunately-named Cummins inline-6 turbo diesel. Kermit forgoed this option due to pricing concerns, but now kicks himself daily after witnessing its success in shitty Dodge pickups. A couple exotic options were considered, but Kermit finally got fed-up with being chewed out by the pencil-pushers and told his boys to slap together a generic V8.

Chassis development for the new car was comparatively easy, because, well, there wasn't really any. Soprano was constantly on Kermit's back about costs, so the engineering team were forced to hack together some outrageous combination of old Corvair-bits and Caprice subframes. Kermit was scared shitless the first time he took a spin in one of the prototypes. Not only were the brakes nearly nonexistant, but the steering might as well not have been there, and the suspension did absolutely nothing to save the car from pitching and rolling in moderate corners. Because the team only had about half an hour left, they agreed to market the car as a real beast and go down to the dive bar for some hard liquor.

Just as he was about to shut off the lights, Soprano remembered that cars tend to require names! He grabbed Kermit by the scruff of the neck and ordered him to brainstorm some stuff while he went to the bathroom. Kermit gave the situation a good fifteen or twenty seconds of thought, then knocked on the door and yelled "MUSTANG!" Soprano zipped up his pants and slapped Kermit upside the head. Apparently that name was already taken. Kermit then suggested Camaro; a rather choochy member of the Chevrolet family. Although the engine was not of Doofwoot descent, the Camaro acquired a powerful 351 Windsor that repeatedly won the love of many Slashfans worldwide. Soprano didn't know what the fuck a Camaro was, but it was getting cold and he wanted to get home, so he gave Kermit an insincere pat on the back and declared the project finished.

Option-loaded, and the beginning of ricers.

Second generation (1970-1982)[edit]

The second-gen Camaro was a brand-new design outside, but the platform was the same as the old platform. 'Nuff said.

Third generation (1982-1993)[edit]

Another copy of a another model aboard, this time a Japanese (Suzuki) car with other engines/platforms. The Mitsubishi inline-4 is now the new base engine with Mitsubishi V6s and Honda V8s as popular options. The third-generation Camaro offered 60's modern fuel injection, Turbo-Hydramatic 700R4 four-speed automatic transmissions, five speed manual transmissions, 16 inch wheels, a standard 4 cylinder engine and versatile hatchback bodies.

Fourth generation (1993-2002)[edit]

The original prototype for the Camaro, penned by Mahatma Ghandi.

For the fourth generation model, General Motors enlisted the help of elite Swedish designer Homer Simpson. There were only a few basic requirements for Simpson to fill, most notably the inlcusion of never before seen cinderblock mounts, a feature which has since been adopted by every automaker except Chevrolet. A special high output 73.5 liter quad cam superturboed engine was originally intended for the Camaro, but chief mechanical designer George Washington pussied out at the last second. A makeshift V8 consisting of two lawn mower engines was hacked together at the last minute, but was also sacked when a marketing consultant informed Washington that the new engine was not loud enough to satisfy the car's target market. A 5.7 liter internal combustion diesel sparkplug supercharged electric engine was chosen for the production Camaro. This engine debuted a new variable valve timing sytem known as VTEC, which did things to the engine which resulted in things. It should also be noted that some assholes from Honda shamelessly copied the Camaro's innovative VTEC system for their heavily revised third generation Shitvic. The power was sent through the tires through a driver-controlled transmission, with a new-for-Chevrolet burnout mode, which when selected allowed the rear tires to spin without moving the car. This groundbreaking system was suggested by long time Camaro fan Adolf Hitler. The car was released to the North American market in 1993, and was immediately a hit thanks to its original list price of $6,000,000, a decrease of over $33 from the previous Camaro. To satisfy its target market, the Camaro was offered in a wide variety of colors, including primer and rust. Any Camaro seen without these manufacturer colors is a respray. As big as the Camaro was on performance, Chevrolet didn't forget about the interior, which was completely redesigned and featured luxury ammenties such as seats. A steering wheel, an airbag and doors are optional. These three popular options were bundled together in the attractive SUX package. Unlike before, the fourth generation Camaro was offered in multiple trim levels, ranging from the basic FKU to the well-appointed RDNCK trim. The intermediate LT trim was the most popular. Chevrolet was smart to offer a healthy array of factory options for the Camaro, such as a straight pipe exhaust and mismatching body panels, which was a popular trend from Europe at the time.

Fifth generation (2009-present)[edit]

"Ah'm comin' tuh get yuh!"

In 2009, GM tried extra hard to make a new Camaro that was actually superior to the Mustang, a Camaro that would seduce the buyer's spouse, if the buyer himself could not. The target customers were males weighing under 200 pounds with big penises who live in high-class places. The actual customers, on the other hand, are males 40-57 who can't afford Mustangs or proper beer but buy the car in white-trash yellow, to take attention away from that small Chad penis, and attract a much younger drunk female who will throw up on him later because sometimes she can't be drunk enough; a male who pretends to be a cop and dreams of one day actually watching the cuckold video his slut wife made.