Why?:Drive a Lifted Truck?
So you are standing there, in your garage, looking at your pathetic Honda Civic[1]. Do you want to have tons of game? Do you want to finally be able to look like a badass? Well today, I will be telling you all the reasons YOU should drive a lifted truck.
|
Why? This article is part of Uncyclopedia's Why? series. See more Why's? |
Why you should drive a lifted truck[edit]
Lifted trucks are very fuel efficient, the increase in height allows for a different quality of air as you have elevated yourself[2] above the other CO2 emitting, gas guzzling weaklings that roam the street.
Driving a lifted truck causes a large increase in penile length and girth[3]. This has many notable benefits, such as increased female retention and feelings of self-confidence. You also get to look like a badass and create many edits of TikTok and post all about your beast of a vehicle.
Also, you get a free pass to spew pitch-black exhaust from the bellowing pipes of your mighty beast. You also tower over all the pathetic sedan and minivan drivers. You are also too tall for the porkers to reach you, meaning you can simply ignore them at any given time. After all, you are better than everyone else.
A few other things you can do that no-one else can:
- 1.) You can seduce anyone just by looking at them [4]
- 2.) You can hit and run all you want.
- 3.) You can post amazing edits on your Instagram and flex daddy's money that you just wasted on car mods.
- 4.) You can fight anyone [5].
- 5.) You can go to any car meet and flex your V6 on the haters.
Why you should not drive a lifted truck[edit]
 |
| Rate my wheels 😈
|
Conclusion[edit]
There is absolutely no reason not to own a lifted truck. You will always have the coolest vehicle on the street if you choose this path. You will always have a huge dick and get tons of ladies with your obnoxious gasoline guzzler as you bellow down the street. The police can't stop you, your mother can't stop you, your 0.4 GPA can't stop you, NO ONE CAN STOP YOU. You have ascended above the sheep, you are now above the population, above the system, you are higher. You must make the choice.
References[edit]
- ↑ or Chevrolet Impala, or Minivan, white van, or even your Golf cart
- ↑ metaphorically and physically
- ↑ however, some naysayers claim that it actually decreases the size. How silly!
- ↑ stop my heart! Wait, helppppepepepplpppppp I'mimamamm havinving a hearttttt attackkkkkakakakakask... (death)
- ↑ Seriously, go challenge that 6 4' 300 lb black dude named "tyrone" at your local gym.