Hogs of War

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from How)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Hogs of War
All hogs from Team Lard are born to be grilled on apple and BBQ sauce
Developer(s) Infogrames
Publisher(s) Infogrames again
Director(s) Also Infogrames
Year of inception 2000
Release date 2000
Genre Turn-based
Platform of origin PlayStation, PC
Would Sylvester the Cat play it? Yes
Spinoffs Worms
Official website doesn't exist

“This potato is for you!”

~ Huski in Hogs of War

“I feel the violence... and now... I'm full...”

~ Pesski in Hogs of War

“I hate this war!”

~ Kendo in Hogs of War

“This is not a game, no, this is not a game, this is my all, and you are embarrassing me!”

~ Commentator in Hogs of War

A bitch Russian hog giving you TNT is one of the most annoying things on this game.
Angry enemy spy looking at you, thinking of ways to kill you for his losing and your red pyrotechnic worrying about your life.
This is what you shouldn't do with your hogs.
Team Lard celebrating their winning
Commando Snowski preparing his big bazooka shot

Hogs of War (sometimes called HoW, How, HOW or wrongly Pigs of War (PoW)) is a PlayStation/Computer game, made from real events on a planet, where are pigs living. It happens on a continent of Saustralasia, made from islands of Hogshead, Saustralia, Trotsville, Bellyopolis, Arstria and Isle of Swill. This game happens in the Saustralasia War, where the nations of British (Tommy's Trotters), French (Garlic Grunts), German (Sow-A-Krauts), American (Uncle Ham's hogs), Russian (Piggystroika), Japan (Sushi-Swine) and All of the Above (Mardy Pigs or Team Lard with purple uniforms) fight together for poisonous water on the Swill Island.


Before the war, there was peace on the planet. But after that, general I. P. Grimly found the new continent of Saustralasia, where are big supplies of swill. Because swill is very, very valuable in hogs' world and there was very much of it, especially on the Isle of Swill, six most important nationalities of the pigs world and one miscellaneous "nationality" of purple pigs decided to war for it. Because the nation, who wins the swill, could be the richest nation in the world. You will start with team of grunts, which are very useless hogs, having only bayonet, rifle and 3 grenades. You fight with the same trash too. After that, you may promote them, but note that good pigs will come much later. And the game is surprisingly harder, when you get to higher levels. Especially the 25th level, Isle of Swill, is very hard. It's because that everyone tries to defeat YOU, even when they all are different nations. If you'll win, your pigs will be changed to purple and you will fight against team you played as before; only one problem is here... they are in higher rankings... so grunts are gunners, spies are commandos, heroes are legends, legends will have 400 life etc., so it's much harder.


In Hogs of War, you may promote your miserable grunts to higher rankings. Some of them are good, some of them sucks. You can obviously see them here:

  • Grunt- the worst and poorest ranking ever. They are free (no PP (pig points) needed), they have only bayonet, rifle and 3 grenades. And only 50 points of life. Give them TNT and they are dead immediately.
  • Basic classes- they are divided into 4 classes- heavy weapons, espionage, engineer and medic
    • Heavy weapons- they divide into three rankings- gunners, bombardiers and pyrotechnics. They have heavy weapons such as bazooka or mortar and they are bit useless. Most of the basic enemies are in this class.
      • Gunner- almost same poor as grunt, they have only bazooka instead of grenades, and 75 points of life
      • Bombardier- almost same poor as gunner, they have only three pieces of mortar now and 90 points of life
      • Pyrotechnic- the best heavy weapons rank. They have 120 points of life, and also some airburst and flamethrower
    • Espionage- they are good, because they can rob things from other pigs, poison them and hide between turns
      • Scout- well, not so good. They are basic espionage pigs, they don't ever have a sniper rifle and they can rob only once
      • Sniper- way better than scout. Instead of that useless rifle, they have sniper rifle and can rob enemies twice. You can also suicide them, but don't do that! Unless you are a hog killing maniac.
      • Spy- they are very good. You have three cattle prods, which are much more effective than knives and one piece of TNT. You have also got nice 120 points of life, and you can rob 3 times. How amazing!
    • Engineer- they are very effective in short distance, but useless in long distance, because they don't have any long-range weapons. But they are typical of having mines, TNT and shotgun, which doesn't also have much range, but is more usefull than rifle, because it takes 30 points of life. They see the mines in minefields and have alot of life. There is only one enemy of this class, in the fifth mission.
      • Sapper- basic engineer, who can be very usefull in first levels. They have incredible 80 points of life, three mines, one TNT, shotgun and ability of seeing mines.
      • Engineer- almost same as sapper, but they have 100 points of life, 2 TNTs, 3 shrapnel grenades and one suicide (don't use that!)
      • Saboteur- the best basic pig ever, althought it can easily be defenseless when it's in range where are no enemies. He has got super shotgun (compared to normal shotgun, it can throw enemies very far away) and incredible number of three TNTs. And also our favourite suicide (be sure you won't use it).
    • Medic- from their name, you can see, that they are healing other pigs. Apart from that, they are very useless, because they don't have alot of good weapons and they have got only a little ammount of life. They don't appear much as enemies, but they might be harder to be defeated in harder missions, because they can heal your enemies
      • Orderly- very poor pigs, almost same as grunts. They only have knife instead of bayonet and three healing hands... And also only 60 points of life... So useless...
      • Medic- not much better than orderly; only different with 80 points of life and more healing "weapons"- 3 medicine darts and 3 medicine balls
      • Surgeon- best and only playable medic. They have, together with useless rifle, also 3 rifle bursts and one transquiliser, which is good for pigs to miss turn, and 120 points of life. Apart from this, they are also useless alot, but they are very bitchy when they are your enemies, because they heal another pigs
  • Multiplayer versions- they are different from normal rankings; and sometimes way better
      • Gunner- except of normal guns, they also have got 3 flamethrowers and 3 mortars.
      • Scout- way better than singleplayer scout. Instead of them, he has got sniper rifle, 3 poison gases and grenade launcher (which is actually better grenades, which are infinite and can be thrown to a big distance). But he doesn't have any pick-pockets.
      • Sapper- they are same as engineers, only they have 3 TNTs, no mines, no suicide and a grenade launcher
      • Orderly- way better even than surgeon. They have got infinite rifle burst, three transquilisers, grenade launcher instead of useless messy grenades and infinite healing hands.
      • Grenadier- original rank only in multiplayer mode, but a bit trashy. They have got alot of usefull grenades (5 highly explosive grenades, 3 cluster grenades and one grenade launcher), but they are not good for those, who just can't use the grenades well. Irrespective that they have as other defensible weapons than grenades only bayonet (?!) and that well-known rifle, and they have only 60 points of life.
      • Paratrooper- a poor version of commando. Though they have infinite cattle prod, infinite machine gun, three jetpacks, nothing more. So, for example, no sniper rifle, no TNT, no hide... But they are fairly good.
  • Elite pigs- you can get them if you promote any third basic ranking higher. They are much better and have more life. But they are also very hard to be defeated.
    • Commando- very good "from all" ranking. You can find some stuff of every classes, and completely new stuff (1 machine gun, 1 cluster grenade, 1 jetpack). They can also see mines and swim in water without getting injured. They have 130 points of life.
    • Hero- best and highest reachable ranking. They have sword instead of knife, heavy machine gun, self heal, special ops, and the most important, airstrike. They appear only twice in missions 22 and 23, and they are very hard to defeat. They cost 8 pig points, have got 150 points of life and if you have them, your squad is much stronger.
    • Ace- this class was ment to be in the game, but Infogrames for some reason decided to not put them in the game. They have got transquiliser, 3 jetpacks and F-Rain airstrike. They had also the same life as heroes. The reason, why the creators didn't put this rank in the game, is still unknown.
    • Legend- you can't have them, but they appear in the last mission of the game, on the Isle of Swill. They have 200 health and they have all guns in the game, even super TNT (they never use it!). They are poorer if you modify the game to you to have them; they are almost same as heroes, only they have 200 life, transquiliser, three jetpacks, shockwave and F-Rain airstrike.


There are seven teams in the game, six original and one mixed, for sure.

Tommy's Trotters[edit]

Tommy's Trotter

Green British pigs with 9 (10 with legend) characters. They use a normal war-uniform colour and heavy guns class wear a rounded cap. Their names are- Nobby, Monty, Percy, Jones, Ginger, Smith, Basil, Den and Ponsonby. Legend is called Saint Nick. They have bit hoarse voices.

Garlic Grunts[edit]

Garlic Gunner

Even they are called "Grunts", they can be even Gunners, Sappers, Scouts, Medics etc. They have 10 pigs, 9 playable. Their uniforms are dark blue and cap with some seashell or something. They are French. Their names are not so original and mostly mean "pig" in French or something which is related with. You can find Cochon, Porc, Goinfre, Glouton, M. Chien, Le Cont, Sanglier, Bastille, Gerard and the right honourable legend Le Renard. Their voices are really coarse.


Deutsch Nazi

The German (not Austrian, of course) nazi pigs, often known as Sow-A-Krauts, not Sow a Krauts, Sow-A Krauts nor Sow A-Krauts and not even Krauts-A-Sow, Krauts a Sow, Krauts-A Sow nor Krauts A-Sow. They are, by the way, called Sow-A-Krauts everywhere. And Sow-A-Krauts, as real nazis, fight with every and every nation also. Sow-A-Krauts have got grey uniforms, as real German nazis, and helmets with spike, possibly usable to stab someone with it. There is a mistake in the game, because they are shown white on the overview map, even think they are grey. Sow-A-Krauts have 9 pigs and 1 legend, of course, and the Sow-A-Krauts pigs' names are Schnitzel, Lederhos, Herman, Wolfie, Herr Kut, Herr Gel, Herr Dry, Herr Raid, Schwein and for sure, legend Herr Guerrin. They are very drunk and agressive.

Uncle Ham's Hogs (USA!)[edit]

Uncle Ham's Hogs can get quite fat

They are actually Uncle Sam's hogs, but Uncle Ham is a hero for American pigs. Like real Americans, they can get a bit fat, but they don't wear green uniforms, how do normal soldiers have. They have light blue uniforms and blue cowboy hats. You might see that they are made from 9 pigs and 1 legend (who is something better and you can't play with him). They have most times more names, and they consist of Jim-Bob, Joey-Bob, Sly, Keanu, Chucky, Bobby-Jim, Bobby-Joe, Abraham, John-Boy and legend Big Mat. Sly is always going to be a spy.


Yeah, comrade!

Perestroika, actually made from hog soldiers. They are Russian and always drunk. Their names actually always end at "ski", except for two naughty hogs, who didn't wanted to be named like this. They are Communist Soviets and call themselves comrades. They wear red uniforms and ushankas. Their voices are usually strong, except for Snowski's kidish voice. They've got, for sure, 9 hogs and 1 legend, look. Their names are Yehudi, Mule, Pesski, Rimski, Jetski, Snowski, Duski, Muski, Huski and legend Yakobski.


Sushi Swine

As you can see from their name, they love to eat sushi. It's because they are from Japan. They have got yellow uniforms and yellow caps. Their names are quite funny, because they're named after Japanese food, fighting sports etc. Their names are Shogun, Sushi, Feng Shui, Raw Fish, Tenko, Kempo, Ninja, Kung Fu, Kendo and legend Tapazuki.

Team Lard[edit]

They are also called Mardy Pigs, but, for suprise, no one ever called them Mardy Hogs. They are playable only after you add a cheat, if you name your team Mardy Pigs. But the joke is, that they are not named Mardy Pigs after that, but Team Lard! And we don't stop. They have 19 soldiers, but NO legend! How's that possible? By the way, you get them when you complete the game, but they are called Mardy Pigs and they are just your before-pigs, dressed purple! And, more facts, this team is just made by crooks with changed names, who runned away from their before team and made this "team" together. You, without adding the cheat, can meet only with Izzy, who is a gunner in the last mission. But, by the way, his nationality is always other! So weird!

And now, something about them. This super team is way different from other teams. They have got a purple uniform, big hat with 2 sharp cow horns and dark green boots, suspenders and bag (other pigs have them brown). They have got all of the nations in the team (5 British, 2 French, 5 American, 3 Russian, 3 Japanese and 1 (!) German). Their names are (by the nation order) Izzy, Jim, Jake, Mark, Fil, Sweety, Tapper, Paul, Shorty, Dolly, Ricki, Ade, Simon, John, Andy, Badders, Phillip, Martyn and poor, only German Mardy Pig Ben.

White Elite Pigs[edit]

This error might be a "white elite pig"

This is the biggest mystery of Hogs of War. On some websites, they say they can be made by some code, but it's probably a hoax, because it's unpossible to make them and no one ever took screenshot, how do they look like. "White pigs" can sometimes appear while there are errors. As you can know, they are French (Garlic Elite Grunts), and they are named Sg Cody, Lt Mark and Cpt Jon. Otherwise, nothing more is known about them. It's because nobody cares about somebody's fantasy.


Of course, this is a war game, so you can't think that you won't find guns here. Of course you will. Some of them are amazing, and some of them really sucks. They take some points of life, when you attack a pig with them. Or healing "guns" will add life to them. There they are.

  • Stab guns
    • Bayonet- worst gun ever. Takes only 10 points of life, so it's the weakest gun in the game. Only grunts and grenadiers have it and actually, you'll never use it.
    • Knife- bit better than bayonet, but not much. Takes only 15 points of life and all espionage, medics and commandos have it. Good for pinching pigs away.
    • Trotter- same as knife. All heavy gunners and engineers have it. You can hit pigs with your fist trotter with it.
    • Cattle Prod- way better than all stab guns. Takes 25 points of life and can throw pigs very far away. Only spies have it.
    • Sword- same good as cattle prod, takes the same ammount of life and can throw pigs MORE far away. Only heroes have it.
  • Rifle guns
    • Rifle- the worst shooting gun ever. Takes only 20 points of life and doesn't have much long range. Grunts, all medics and scouts have this gun.
    • Pistol- same as rifle, only better that pigs can walk faster with it. Only gunners' class pigs have it.
    • Shotgun- way better than rifle or pistol. Takes 30 points of life, but does have very small range. Only sappers and engineers have it.
    • Super Shotgun- this super gun is owned only by saboteurs. It takes same life as shotgun, but can throw pigs very far away. You can ever throw pigs out from the map! (don't try this at home)
    • Sniper Rifle- this gun is very good to big ranges. It takes 40 points of life and you can shot pigs even on the other side or even corner of the map!
    • Rifle Burst- very good gun. It shots three shots, so it can take 15-45 of life. But, by the way, it's range is not that good. Only surgeons have it.
    • Transquiliser- this gun is good, but when enemies shot you with it, it's such annoying! Because every pig, which was shot by it, misses one turn! And even it takes 20 points of life! It can be cancelled only by some healing guns.
  • Machine guns
    • Machine Gun- the poorest machine gun in Hogs of War. It takes only 20 points of life, but it shots alot of shots. The bad thing is that if you hit your enemy more than once, it takes only 20 points of life like if you would shot them with a simple rifle or pistol. It's good only for destroying vehicles (may take 44 points of their "life"). This gun is owned only by commandos.
    • Flamethrower- way better than machine gun. Takes 30 life when a pig gets hit and 88 life when you hit vehicle with it. The funniest thing with it is to pinch your enemies into water and flame them! They can't swim and they are flamed, so they'll lose alot of life. This very good gun is owned only by pyrotechnics.
    • Heavy Machine Gun- better than normal machine gun. Takes 40 points of life and 88 points of vehicles' life. Only hero has got it.
  • Rockets
    • Rocket Launcher- very good gun, only what sucks is that no one has it. It takes 50 points of life when you hit pig with it and has got a very good range.
    • Homming Missile- bit poorer than rocket launcher, because it takes only 40 life, but it's very good to attack pigs very far away. You just point them on the map, make a good range and voilá! It's sometimes better than sniper rifle, because it can shot in places, which you can not see with sniper rifle. Unfortunately, no one has it.
    • Guided Missile- very good weapon. You'll just shot the missile, then guide it like a rocket and hit your enemy (not your own pig!) with it! It can took your enemy up to 75 (!!!) points of life and can even kill a scout or gunner with one hit! There is only one thing that really sucks; no one ever has it.
  • Grenades
    • Grenade- this gun is good in the starts, but later, it sucks alot. It's the best gun that grunts and medics have, but not that good to make much harm. It takes maximally 30 points of life. It's a pity you almost never get the full harm.
    • Shrapnel Grenade- almost same as the one above. It also takes 30 points of life. It can hurt pigs more if they are hit with it's sharps, but this never happens. Only sappers and saboteurs have it.
    • Cluster Grenade- way better than shrapnel grenade, as, when it explodes, there are 5 more grenades inside. You can ever kill a bombardier or sniper with it! It takes up to 90 life and only commandos and heroes have it. These are very often in the game pick-ups, but the very good thing is that enemies don't even know how to use it!
    • Roller Grenade- same as grenade, only different that it takes 40 life instead of 30. No one has got this gun. It's available only in the multiplayer game.
    • Highly Explosive Grenade- very good to take alot of life to enemies. This type of grenade takes 60 points of life and is very easy to be used. Unfortunately, no ranking has it.
  • Gases
    • Poison Gas- very good gun for you, but very annoying when your enemy throws it on you. Takes 15 life and every next turn, it takes more 10 life. All espionage and elite pigs have it.
    • Madness Gas- good for getting your enemies away. Takes 15 points of life and makes enemy mad, running to random places and squeeking. They appear only in multiplayer mode.
    • Freezing Gas- same as transquiliser, only takes less life. This sucky gas appears only in multiplayer mode.
  • Mines
    • Mine- fairly good gun. They are good, that you can use TWO of them in one turn, or use one of them and attack other pig with other gun! They take 20 points of life. But you can put it only to pigs. If you put them somewhere else, they won't explode, you couldn't see them and may actually get your dear hogs grilled.
    • Anti-P Mine- this tin openers are very good to destroy that annoying pillboxes, which keep shooting on you and you can not defeat them. There is a guide- put two of them under a pillbox, go away and watch, how is that pillbox squeaking and your fucking coward enemy flying far away and hitting the ground! And it's also very good for punching pigs with it, because it takes 50 life to them. Unfortunately, no one has it.
    • TNT- very good gun for punching pigs away. It takes 50 life to them. Best thing to do with it is to throw pigs to water, minefields or ever out of the map! This gun is owned by all engineers, spy, commando and hero.
    • Super TNT- very effective gun, because if every pig would have it, you would win immediately, because enemies never use it! But no one is good enough to have it. It takes 200 points of life and kills ALL ranks of pigs IMMEDIATELY (even legends!). You can sometimes find it in some missions.
  • Heavy bazooka guns
    • Bazooka- also known as BAZOOOOKAA!!! Sometimes good gun, sometimes not well. Takes up to 40 points of life and can hit very far targets. But remember; this gun is not the best in the game. All heavy gunners, commandos and heroes have it.
    • Grenade launcher- same as grenade (find it on your own), only better, that you can shot them to a big distance. These appear only in the multiplayer mode.
    • Airburst- good improvement of bazooka. When you shot pigs with it, the bullet crashes to the ground and divides into MORE bullets. Only pyrotechnics, commandoes and heroes have it.
    • Super Airburst- even BETTER than airburst. When it crashes to the ground, the divided bullets, after crashed, will also divide in MORE bullets. Wow! But, very bad... no one has got it, and it's very rare in HoW.
  • Airstrikes
    • Airstrike- best gun EVER in game. You call an airship with it, choose your worst enemy and watch his dead! But don't fry your pigs with it... unless you want to have burned pork for lunch. Only heroes accessibly have it.
    • F-Rain Airstrike- no one knows why the gun is named as stupid as this, but nobody cares. This gun is not that good as airstrike. Actually, it pretty sucks. Only legends and aces have it, so it's unaccessable. Luckily.
  • Healing guns
    • Healing Hands- bit sucky. It heals pigs with 20 life, when you go to them. Only medic rankings have it.
    • Medicine Dart- same as healing sniper rifle, only doesn't have much range. Medics, surgeons, commandos and heroes have it.
    • Medicine Ball- same as healing roller grenade. Only medics and surgeons have it.
    • Self-heal- it's bit selfish that heroes can get 50 life with this, letting other soldiers in their team die.
  • Special guns
    • Mortar- it sucks. You don't even know how to use it, but it's the enemies' favourite gun. It takes 50 life and is owned only by bombardiers and pyrotechnics.
    • Hide- very good, because if you use this, enemies can't find you, because you'll hide in a crate or a tree. Espionages and elite pigs have it.
    • Pick-Pocket- very good, because you can rob your enemies' guns with it and then they're harmless! But it sometimes sucks when your hog takes the worst stuff. You don't even end a turn when you use it! All espionages have it.
    • Jetpack- you can fly with it to other, unreachable places on the map. You can also take 20 points of enemy life if you hit them with the falling pack. Only elite pigs are approved to have it.
    • Special Ops- stuff for heroes only. You'll call the airship, choose a place where you want to be transported and you are thrown there! Only which sucks is that this gun ends a turn, but you can get to any place on the map. But you'll probably use it only when you don't have jetpacks anymore and you MUST get somewhere, where you can't walk on your foot.
    • Suicide- never use it! If you use it, your pig takes TNT and immediately DIES. It takes 70 life to enemies, but it doesn't worth for that you'll lost one of your pigs. It's better to you to use another guns (even if you have a ranking that really sucks). Snipers, engineers and saboteurs have it. But be sure you'll never use it.
    • Shockwave- very good to throw pigs out of the map. Takes 10 points of life, but throws them very far away, and your pig doesn't die! But it isn't much reachable. Only legends and aces have it. If you want to try it out, you must go to multiplayer, where you can rarely find it in some missions.

In real life[edit]

Hogs of War in real life

Many times, people tried to learn pigs play Hogs of War, but they only broke the control. Sometimes they put colorfull clothes on pigs and angried them to fight with themselves. Because they sometimes can hit people very hard, don't try this at home! And never give any guns to your pigs!

When someone keeps loosing in Hogs of War...