Worst 100 Video Game Movies
“In Soviet Russia, Video Games play YOU!!!”
“Video Game Movies are like games, except they're not interactive.”
“YOU try to put 60 hours of game play to two hours of movie.”
The List[edit]
According to God's True Word, the following are the worst 100 Video Game Movies. Readers are required to have their sporks to hand. Note: *= An Uwe Boll film
100-91[edit]
100. Street Fighter the Movie, The Game, The Movie. A puerile ripoff of a spin off. (Actually being done! god save us all! [1].)
99. Street Fighter the Movie, The Game, The Movie, Alpha. An expansion to a puerile ripoff of a spin off.
98. Street Fighter the Movie, The Game, The Movie, Alpha, Turbo. An expansion of an expansion of a ripoff of a spin off.
97. Super Street Fighter the Movie, The Game, The Movie, Alpha, Turbo. An expansion of an expansion of an expansion of a ripoff of a spin off.
96. Super Street Fighter the Movie, The Game, The Movie, Alpha, Turbo, 2. A sequel to an expansion of an expansion of an expansion of a ripoff of a spin off.
95. Microsoft Flight Simulator Its realistic, but very, very, VERY, boring.
94. Duke Nukem Forever, the Movie(Paramount. 9,999,999,999 A.D.) Most people forgot by the time of release who Duke Nukem was.
93. Microsoft Paint. The Movie (MGM. 2011) Childish spalttering of random colours (or colors) on the screen. Caused mass epidemic of nausea.
92. Super Duper Street Fighter the Movie, The Game, The Movie, Alpha, Turbo, 2 An expansion to a sequel to an expansion of an expansion of an expansion of a ripoff of a spinoff.
91. FIFA: The Movie Universally panned movie in which a 13 year old from Somerset, England wins takes the reigns of lowly Yeovil Town and wins the Champions League within 3 seasons.
90 3/4. TETRIS if not for the Pink Floyd sound track this movie would have made the top 10, this movie best watched with your eyes closed.
90-81[edit]
- 90. The Manic Miner Movie
A breathtaking adaptation of everyone's favorite ZX Spectrum game, directed by Uwe Boll and starring Andy Dick as Miner Willy. And hold your breath for the exciting twist at the end, as well as...R:/TAPE LOADING ERROR/.
- 89.25. Duck Hunter NES version
- Everybody loves movies with dogs and shooting stuff.
89. Street Fighter, The Movie, The Game, The Movie 3 Finally! no more extra expansions, O.K.?
88. Super Street Fighter, The Movie, The Game, The Movie 3 Uh-Oh...
87. Super Street Fighter, The Movie, The Game, The Movie 3 Turbo No, please not again!
86. Hyper Super Duper Street Fighter, The Movie, The Game, The Movie 3 Turbo, Alpha, Omega, Delta, BITCHEZ!!! NO! OH PLEASE GOD NO!
85. Solitaire the Movie Girls dig people who actually liked a movie about flat, sentient objects having sex by being stacked by an omnipotent pointy-thingy.
84. Ratchet and Clank: the Movie that Bombs! Although pretty cool with CGI doomsday guns and annihilating lasers, the amount of people who hated furry wasn't like the good old days...
83. Kingdom Hearts II: The First Movie How do sane, professional reviewers could actually watch this movie when on its first 3 hours, tickets worldwide were all bought by not-quite-so-sane fans? That, and some people just flat-out refuse to accept that Mickey, Donald, and Goofy could look cool.
82. World of Warcraft Just like World of Warcraft is played by millions of players, World of Warcraft is written by millions of scriptwriters.
81. Pong 3D Version You thought "Manos" Hands of Fate was boring? Try Red Zone Cuba. If you thought those two movies were boring, watch this.
80-71[edit]
80. Ragnarok Online If you're wondering why this one is placed lower than World of Warcraft, you just have to know the meaning of chibi.
79. MUGEN Goku fights Uchiha Sasuke who was actually trying to ask Superman to help him kill Haruhi. Homer Simpson, thinking that Peter was a better fighter, seek Ryu for guidance. Peter, knowing that with the help of Ryu, Homer could be a much better fighter, hires Sephiroth to kill him. If you're still wondering what's wrong with this, you've definitely never heard of copyright. Also, Omega Tom Hanks pwns everyone in the end anyway.
- 78.5 Dig Dug
Bill Goldberg as Dig Dug, armed with a portable nuclear powered steam shovel digs around under the ground. Robin Williams plays the fire breathing dragon. Directed by everyone's favorite director Uwe Boll.
78. Panzer Tactics, the Movie
The fact that one army moved, then stopped. Then the other army moved, then stopped. Made this film very dull, not to mention both armies consisted of huge men and tanks which towered over cities and forest and took up space of 100km2 didn't help.
77. Command and Conquer
Just think of all the FMVs in the game, put them together, and add 100 minutes more and you will see why this movie failed.
76. Command and Conquer: Generals
The fact that this movie didn't even have any live action meant that it was filmed in CGI, and we all know that serious CGI films just SUCK.
75. Counter Strike, The Movie
The script was written by t00 many n00bs so all the soldiers just sat about camping while hurling abuse at each other while pwning everyone with guns, not to mention that all the characters spoke in 133t so no one except nerds could understand them
74. Romance of the Three Kingdoms: Intricate Politics Beneath Bloody Wars Further Complicated by Many Back Stories of Equally Many Characters This no-battle-scenes-all-talking movie asks its viewers one thing: "You thought History lessons were boring?"
73. Milk My Maid What do you mean this is an obscure movie about an obscure Japanese game about one obscure male protagonist and three obscure maids?
72. Dynasty Warrior
God says on his Twentieth Commandment: "Humans doth not die that easily."
Sun Tzu said on his Art of War: "If one person could kill hundreds and thousands, why do you need an army in the first place?"
71. Who Wants to Be a Billionaire Let's wait for a moment in life when our knowledge about the third painting made by a painter named Joun von Zraim in 1777 will be useful.
70-61[edit]
70. Mischief Makers: Shake Your Boo-tay! The first movie ever to be described as "a wretched cinematic abortion. "The movement was terrible and the only line in the entire movie was "SHAKE SHAKE!", repeated over and over again.
69. Dendam Raja Pocong You thought Milk My Maid was way too obscure? Try Petualang Naga. If you don't think that Milk My Maid was way too obscure, then watch this.
68. Kingdom Hearts II: Second Coming References to Christians aside, reviewers just don't get what the sequel is about due to the sheer amount of not-quite-so-sane fan girls.
67. Worms: Real Life Teachers had spent thousands of hours trying to make researches about worms interesting. This movie blows it all away.
66. DoDonPachi: The Movie While the movie started out promising, interest began to dwindle after it broke out that the main character is killed in the first 15 minutes.
65. Sonic The Hedgehog Movie Don't even get me started.
64. Pong - The New Generation This isn't even based on Pong!
63. Another World (12A, 2999 AD) The beginning of the movie made zinc. sense, and everyone crapped themselves. Caused major Peter Griffin syndrome.
62. Zero Wing (A.D. 2101) All your box office are belong to us!
61. Zork, the movie (WB. 2000) You are sitting in a darkened room, in your hand you are holding a bottle of coca-cola, the air smells of salty popcorn and sweat. Around you there are many other people sitting on leather seats in rows. In front of you a black screen is being revealed from behind red curtains, then a black screen with white text begins to appear. You watch this for ten minutes, and it is apparent that this will be the entire movie...
Do you...
1. Walk out of the Cinema in outrage throwing your cola into the screen?
2. Sit through this shit and die of boredom?
60-51[edit]
60. Virtual Boy - in 3D! (1995)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!
59. Hotel Mario (1996)
It is interesting to note that cinemas showing this film would give out free 'enclosed instruction books'. These were required because the crappily animated inbred Italian Stalin lookalike would tell the audience to 'check out the enclosed instruction booklet' which would advance the plot. For DVD and VHS release a 'enclosed instruction book' would be included, this was to tackle piracy. Oh, yes, did I mention that this film just SUCKED?!
58. Blue Screen of Death (1995)
No plot, no action, no characters, i.e. NO FILM!
57. Big Rigs (2006)
Over the road my ass. Check it out. It has bad CGI. And I mean c'mon. Does it look like it was ready to be release and the CGI is great? NO! The Russians made this and put communist shit holes everywhere! It sucked!
56. Ikaruga (2002)
The only movie that requires you to watch it over and over again to get to the end.
55. Garry's Mod: The Movie (2009)
One and a half hours of random character manipulations!
54. Star Wars: The Clone Wars: The Game: The Movie: The Sequel: The Porno: The Live-Action Movie: The Threequel: The Making of Documentary
If you're one of the five seven-year olds who thought the Star Wars: The Clone Wars movie was cool, then two of you will love this!
53. Holocaust Tycoon the Movie!
Do I really need to explain?
52. Tetris: The Movie
Worst idea ever. If you want to see blocks rubbing against each other, go get a gay porno.
51. Lemmings
Packs of cute furry little animals run around aimlessly and fall to their deaths.
50-31[edit]
50. Pac man - Reloaded! I'm sick of those god damn ghosts on my god damn maze!
49. Half Life: The Movie: Two hours of Gordan Freeman blowing the crap out of aliens without saying a single word while being followed by a traveling briefcase salesman.
48. Starcraft Ghost: The Movie Release date TBA
47. Bub and Bob's excellent adventure Two stoner dinosaurs go on a quest to rid the world of evil by trapping it in a bubble, but soon decide that it is more worthwhile to sit around and smoke pot.
- 46. Superman 64: The Movie Three hours of Superman flying into floating circles, and somehow defeats Lex Luthor by doing this, the movie was filmed with a 1.0 Megapixel camera and had no sound at all. Directed by Uwe Boll.
- 45. Link: The Faces of Evil Was animated by a five year old child, it's about Link who goes to defeat the Seven Faces of Evil and then throws a book at Gannon and everyone is happy, it was five minutes long. Directed Uwe Boll.
- 44. Zelda: Wand of Gamellon Was animated as well by that 5 year old child, this one is about the King who goes to Gamellon to receive a holy Staff but gets lost in the forest and Link has to save him, it was six minutes long. Directed by Uwe Boll.
43. Beat 'Em and Eat 'Em, The Movie. It's also one of the worst Porno Films ever since It's not about beating it and eating it... It's a horror flick like Saw since he beats 'em and eats 'em.
42. Philly Flasher. I think this movie just flashed right by us.
41. Madden: The Musical. It stars a teenager trying to become a Madden Tournament Champion. Featured are the songs "Should I Go for it on Fourth and Long?", "How the Hell Is That Roughing the Passer?", and "Brett Favre Is Awesome", sung by John Madden himself.
40. Stuper Bowsa. It was okay as a game, but as a movie? COME ON! You people have nothing to do on your spare time.
39. Super Mario Bros.: The Movie It's simply a piece of shit movie. Mainly revolves around jumping on bad guys and stuff. And you know what? There is no Princess Peach in this movie! WHY? WHY? BECAUSE SHE'S IN ANOTHER CASTLE FUCKIN' BOWSER!
38. Big Rigs: High Octane Movie This movie wasn't completed before its release, hence why it fades in and out during parts and is only one minute in length.
37. Pong: The Movie An epic tale of a middle-aged man who wanted to be young again. Many people asked for refunds after watching just the trailer.
36. Super Smash Bros. Melee: The Motion Picture Low-budget set, low-budget actors, low-budget costumes, no plot, random fighting in the streets, and a shaky camera. Imagine sitting through that for an hour!
35. Super Smash Bros. Brawl: The Motion Picture Just like the first one, except longer with more people and dialogue. Though that consisted of "Fuck you, n00b!" and "lolz, pwned!!!!!111"
34. The Real World of World of Warcraft Follows the lives of five WoW nerds trying to get a job while balancing time with the game. All five die at the end from eighteen hours of dungeon clearing, PvP, and raiding.
33. Mario Kart DS: The Super-Totally Awesome Movie A top-down movie with no clear direction. Cheesy Mario sound bytes and random kart racing is all you get with this movie, who's showing cause bankrupty in 25 movie theaters.
32. The Real World of Runescape A bunch of n00bs try to use tactics used in the game to get around in life. In this movie, they beg relentlessly for money, try to rip off little kids with baseball card scams, swearing at every single person that won't help them on an errand, and basically creating a human-unfriendly environment in their town.
- 31. Pacman: The Musical 'Nuff said.
30-11[edit]
30. Dance Dance Revolution: The Movie Random Asians dancing and singing karaoke at the same time.
29. Link & Harry Potter: X-Over Link goes to Hogwarts, only to figure out he can't use magic. After being laughed at by the gnome charm teacher, he goes on a killing spree. However, he is stopped by Harry, who rapes him before throwing him off of the highest tower at the school.
28. Master Chief & Scarface: X-Overz Deuce The second installment in the memorable crossover franchise. Master Chief is dispatched to Miami to go on vacation. However, he ends up working for Tony Montana. Master Chief constantly asks if he can go back to the beach throughout the entire movie, while Scarface replies with "Fuck you!" in an Italian accent.
27. Wario & Homer Simpson: X-Overz Thrice The third installment in the memorable crossover franchise. Wario and Homer Simpson compete in a Doughnut eating contest for a prize of nine million dollars. After losing the contest Wario farts on everyone in Springfield, causing endless mayhem.
26. Sonic The Hedgehog & Speed Racer: X-Overz Fore The fourth installment in the memorable crossover franchise. Sonic and Speed Racer race each other in order to see who is the fastest. Only to receive speeding tickets and work as accountants until they can pay the debt which stands for 200 million dollars.
25. Earthworm Jim & Tweety Bird: X-Overz High Five The fifth and final installment in the memorable crossover franchise. Earthworm Jim and Tweety bird were suppose to fight in an epic battle in which Earthworm Jim wins. It took the director four hours to realize that birds eat worms, but was too late to find out that poor Earthworm Jim has been eaten to death. The director is still bitch slapped by thousands of Earthworm Jim fans.
24. Shaq-Fu: The Movie 'Nuff said.
23. Final Fantasy The movie contains less-than-preferable amount of angst, lacks at least one feminine man whose gender had to be looked up in its official guidebook to be known, and is low on inappropriately-sized swords.
22. Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge You'd think monkeys make everything good. You'd think three-headed monkeys make everything better. You'd think pirates, dry wit, and three-headed monkeys be the ingredients for an unforgettable classic movie. You'd think having Spielberg and Lucas on its staff guarantee quality. You'd think the amount of fans loving this series make this movie an instant hit. This movie had so much going for it. How could this movie score so low on this list? Frankly, I don't know either.
21. Monkey Island: The Secret of Monkey Island George Lucas is not known as the maker of good prequels.
20. Not Another Pong Movie Shallow parody made by people who did not do the research. There are abundance of critical research failure, not to mention unpleasant amount of dead baby comedy and a completely unneeded amount of lampshade hanging. Despite all those reasons and the fact that this movie was not screened for critics, it still suffered from sequelitis. It was believed that the viewers are morons, who laughed at the refuge in vulgarity and inherently funny words. This movie was not believed to suffer from Weird Al effect.
19.75. Frogger Staring the Sugar Smacks Frog getting what he deserves.
19. Portal The good review is a lie.
18. WarioWare: The Movie A movie made of micro-movies, each lasts ten seconds, the movie itself was thirty minutes long.
- 17. Superman 64: The Movie 2
A direct to video sequel. Superman goes to do some shopping. When he finds out that they ran out of milk he goes on a senseless rampage for three hours until he's bitch slapped by Lois Lane. This movie was filmed with a 1.0 Megapixel camera and had no sound at all.
16. FIFA: The Musical Balls passing, its like Madden: The Musical.
- 15. High School Musical Ultimate Slaughter: The Movie: The Game
Common misconception, it's NOT part of the series.
14. Mudkip's Adventure Not many people liek Mudkipz.
13. The Devil May Possibly Cry" A documentary on the myth that the devil can cry. Satan himself later denied that.
12. Grand Theft Auto: Jerusalem The Movie More religious mayhem than... Something.
11. E.T.: The Video Game movie Yes they made a film of that game. The film is about a girl named E.T. who falls in love with a sex-crazed doctor named "Dr. Horny" (Michael Jackson). In the end, they both die after being raped by Troy Williamson. We are thinking the exact same thing you are: "W.T.F???!!!" Directed by Rick Sloane.
10-3[edit]
10. Guitar Hero: The Musical All the music is played on Guitar Hero instruments. All you hear is clicking and plastic hitting each other.
- 9. Custer's Revenge: Uncensored
It seems Peter North isn't getting paid enough as a pornographic actor so he signed up with Uwe Boll to make this Block Buster. Not.
8. Unsung Heroes of Nintendo Starring minor Mario characters, in which Waluigi goes on a quest, along with Larry Koopa and Geeno in order to save the Mushroom Kingdom from Petey Piranha, Wart, and Mouser.
7. Fresh Prince of Persia This was created by the same creators of Mario Bros... With Will Smith as the Prince of Persia it had a potential, but ended up just like Mario Bros. But worse.
6. Grand Theft Auto: Cleveland Supposedly it was to be the sequel to "A Christmas Story", but this time, Ralphie shoots other people's eyes out.
5. Jungle Fever (A.K.A. Jungle Bitch) Anna-Nicole is in this, 'nuff said!
4. Grand Theft Auto: Somalia See the article for more information. After all, it is about carnapping and killing, ain't it? BOOOOOOORRIIIIIING! Starring Samuel L. Jackson as Abdulliahi Abdulliahi. Jackson hates this film so much, he refuses to say he was in it, as his page does not mention this film.
Top 3 Worst Video Game Movies[edit]
3. Fresh Prince of Persia 2 Starring Will Smith (again) as Prince of Persia, this is also based on the Prince of Persia Series. Calling it awful is an understatement.
2. PONG: The Original Footage Edition The worst Pong movie; this is not even the 3D version. It's just 180 minutes of footage from the original Pong game. If you like watching two sticks and a block moving back and forth, this movie is for you. Directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer and written by Uwe Boll.
1. Madagascar 4: The Movie: The Video Game: The Porno: The 3rd Movie: The 3rd Movie's Video Game: The Documentary (December 21, 2012) In this documentary, explorers from The History Channel examine the possibility of talking animals on Madagascar and the existence of Madagascar. And mostly, playing the game on an Xbox. It really sucks. The movie was released when the world was supposed to end....
- 0. Elf Bowling
Directed by Uwe- you know the rest, the film stars Bob Hoskins as Santa Claus, Danny Devito as the elves, and Ronald McDonald as Mrs. Claus. The game features Santa Claus having to bowl down elves, and while Uwe stated he loved the idea, he wanted to spice things up, so instead he added sex scenes, and lots of shooting, especially after Santa wins against the Easter Bunny (Pauley Shore) in a bowling game, and the Easter Bunny starts shooting at him, until Cupid played by (Steven Seagal) arrives.
-0. Birdro's Epik Qeest (Yes it is spelled like that) Birdo WAS going to go on a quest to find it's gender. The movie was never finished due to the fact of every one who made this movie quit due to them being payed poorly. ($0.05 a day) Because of that, Nintendo stole footage from a porno about "Tongue Rape", and just replaced the film's characters face's with those of Birdo's. We wish we were kidding. "Zis is ze worst moovie ever!!!" stated Uwe Boll.
-1. Moral Kombat The Disney remake of Mortal Kombat. A brutal fight to the death in a film where violence is frowned upon. Characters use all their philosophy and morality in an exiting display of self restraint. It's basically a long, heavily message laden dialog scene with no violence, sex or car chases. Make sure you buy the merchandise!
-100. Pokemon: The Second Movie 1 1/2 Actually, it's a sequel and the unedited version of "Pokemon: The First Movie", except that all the battles are automatically taken from the original games.
Footnotes[edit]
- How many damn films by Uwe Boll are on this list?!