Worst Bands of All Time

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According to God's true word, the following are the Top 50 Worst bands of all time* Readers are required to have their earplugs on.

* God does not care to count this list too closely, and believers are wise not to criticise divine numeration policy.


50. Garbage
Name divinely inspired by the epithet: "That sounds like Garbage!" Aww, shucks. Thanks. Nothing beats free publicity.
49. Drummer
A real band made up entirely of drummers from other bands. Cool! ... Uhh... wait...
48. ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead
Lead singer Conrad Keely said the band name was based on a Mayan ritual chant. And when actual, real-life Mayans protested loudly, he told a scrum of reporters "Look! I was only joking! so lay off!"
47. UJ3RK5
Apparently this is pronounceable as "U-Jerks". They were early punk, with a late 70s hit called "The Anglican"
The first and only album of this band went absolutely nowhere.
46. Phlebotomize the Ancalagon
A not-so-well known indie band not-so-well-known for their love of not-so-well-known Tolkein dragons. Some bands are indie because they refuse to play the corporate game. Phlebotomize the Ancalagon was indie because no one with real money to invest would sign them up.
45. Green Bear
An early attempt by members of Green Day to invoke the imagery of ecology into the music business. Most couldn't cope with "Green Bear" in their heads.
44. Prince Princess
Shortly after Prince begain thinking of another name to call himself, he thought of Prince Princess, but later settled on "Artist Formerly Known as Prince".
Wendy O. Williams, as seen by some members of her audience.
43. Wendy O. Williams and the Alcoholic Spastics
When Wendy showed her boobs on stage in the 80s, the inebriated audience freaked out because they thought she had 4 boobs.
42. The Ill-Fated Lullabye of Your Mom
A 5-piece hardcore band that had a small following in the mid 1990s, then became renamed as "Zeus's Mom", which was only marginally more successful.
41. Juiced Ayn Rand Lover
This indie band from Atlanta, while pursuing self-gratification and caring less for the needs of others, found that few cared about them. They ended their careers on welfare, and are sending their kids to public school.


40. Jesus and Elvis
Twin sons of different mothers: Jesus lived in a state of grace in a nearly Eastern land, while Elvis lived in Graceland in a nearly Eastern state.
39. The Gandhi Warhols
Reflecting the band's love of non-violent resolution and pop culture, the Gandhi Warhols caught the Zeitgeist of a generation, for about 20 minutes one thursday afternoon.
Rammstein wait, I meant.. The Red Hot Chili Peppers at their disastrous concert at a Guatamalan insane asylum.
38. Pistils and Flowers
Inspires fear for their shoots and leaves. Known for their hit song containing the lyric "I guess I just am", often mis-heard as "I got such a stem".
37. The Insects
Four different coleoptera from Liverpool who tried to shake the world.
36. Hootie and the Blowfish
A great group of people to have around in case you are in need of camouflage from sharks.
35. Jack Off Jill
Jack and Jill went up the hill, with each a dollar and a quarter. Jill came down with two-and-a-half. Do you think they went for water?
34. Genesis
Highpitched Southern Methodist 12 piece band.
"Stiffler Concentration Camp! Live in Poland, one night only!"
33. Stiffler Concentration Camp
Dude! Where's my shower?
32. Photoshop Boys
Bored with their image of British drabness, the former Petshop Boys have undergone a dramatic image change.
31. The Dixie Chickens
5 female country music performers whose careers ran a-fowl.


30. The White Stipes
Several pale relatives of REM's Michael Stipe got together and demonstrated who had the talent in that family.
"The Quo" playing...oh, any one of their songs. It doesn't make much difference.
29. Status Quo
Possibly the most reliable band ever, in that they can only play one song albeit with many different titles. They are, without doubt, the most celebrated British band (this claim to be repeated by overweight, balding male virgins in shapeless t-shirts).
28. Rockafella
All-male Rockapella tribute group who released two albums before realizing that the members of Rockapella were already male.
Former Suicidal Tendencies lead guitarist Rocky George's long forgotten debut solo effort. Contained the instrumental rock classic "Wings Fo Ma Niggas"
27. Stench
Pioneer punk group from Britain, largely credited with starting the trend of naming yourself after something disgusting in order to sound anti-social. Copycat acts included: Vomit, The Boogermen, and Smegma.
26. Rocky George
Solo name for a former virtuoso guitarist from the band Suicidal Tendencies. He was raised by wolves, and was christened with the name "Rocky" by parents who couldn't think of a human-sounding name.
25. Buck twenty-five
Rapper inflenced by 50-Cent featuring his hit single "Oh-La-Wee, I Sho' Gotta Pee".
24. Meat Loaf
Another humanoid musician who was christened by his parents, Mr. and Mrs. Loaf after a heated dispute, as "Meat", because Mrs. Loaf wouldn't let Mr. Loaf sleep on it and give her son a name in the morning.
23. Las Pistolas De Mex (The Mex Pistols)
Mexican punk band, known for such hits as Anarchy en la República Mexicana, El dios ahorra a Presidente Mexicano and Absolutamente vacante. Their only album release was No sea ofendido por favor por los órganos genitales masculinos, aquí son las pistolas de Mex. Band members included Juan Putrefacto (lead singer) and Sidney Vicioso. Films of the band include El gran timo de la rock and roll and the documentary La inmundicia y la furia.
22. The Newark Dolls
A lesser-known transvestite band, except "they're from out of town".
21. Molly Hatchet
Named after a 17th-century batshit-crazy hooker who chopped up her clients after rendering her services.
Headlined by George W. Bush, The band WAR's album War Huh? What's It Good For received world wide criticism despite its financial success.


20. Punk Freud
English progressive punk-psych band. Discography includes "Dark Side of the Loon", and "The Final Nut".
19. To Be Announced
Appearing in venues all over the world as "TBA", yet paradoxically, while everyone wants to know who is TBA, no one yet knows who they are.
18. John Cougar Deathcamp
Back from a tour of Europe following his recent "hit" - "The Final Solution".
17. Al Gore and the Hanging Chads
Florida four-piece band which shot to fame in 2000 with the hit "Dimple Days".
16. Hitler's House Party
One of his many attempts at forming a band, Hitler stood this one out for about 4 weeks. (not even he could stand jazz funk quartets.) He released one music video, "Kinchestokin Blekin Kikomg Gose Jesse Owens" (Jesse Owens Kicked My Ass at the Olympics But I Killed Him), and one album called "The Black Jew," on which he spent all his money for press coverage. When virtual no fans attended "The New Jew World Tour," Hitler was sued by everyone in the world, and that was his last foray into the music industry.
Oscar Wilde x5
15. WildeBoys
New Romantic Band formed by Oscar Wilde and four clones.
14. Aphrodite's Wilde Archangel
A hardcore punk band with music lyrics featuring puns from writers of the Classical Age.
13. Lynyrd Skynyrd
A southern rock band named after a gym teacher, Leonard Skinner. The oeuvre of the band lacks any references to the benefits of physical education on young boys, however.
12. Youth in Asia
A children's choir whose low morale after their only album "Pull the Plug Already" flopped led to the tragic assisted suicide of the entire group.
11. Steely Dan
A band named after a dildo from a Burroughs novel. At least that explains their rhythm.


10. Cyanide
Followup band to Poison that released the deadly gas from their instruments during their performances. Hilarity ensued.
Cyanide had many fans.
9. Wang Chung
Was going to be named Jack Hues and the Yellow Bells, but their audience could not conjecture what the band was about. Calling the band Huang Chung caused Much Music and VH1 veejays to say "Hung Chung". So, they resorted to simplified Chinese and spelled it "Wang Chung".
In a rare photo, Bush, Patton and Ian are together in 2005 talking about a possible reunion with Patton (who has since become Lord of the Dance)
8. Robin Merry's Band of Hoodie Men
A white rap group made up of guys who thought that hip hop culture was easy to figure out. Hit songs include "I Sherwood like to see your Forest".
Although the original line up of The Monkeys were later replaced by the more familiar "image friendly" members, the original band continued to write songs, backup vocals, etc.
7. REO Speedwagon
Named after the first Oldsmobiles, which were all pickup trucks. The band could not make too many hits, being now forever haunted by the vengeful ghost of Ransom Eli Olds.
6. Frank Zappa and the Fathers of Prevention
Lesson learned: Necessity is a Mother.
5. Nerdvana
Godawful geek-rock/Nintendocore band from Seattle. I mean seriously, who listens to Nintendocore?
Anthrax's lyrics gained them worldwide fame
4. Spandau Ballet
Named after the former Spandau Prison in West Berlin. The "Spandau Ballet" referred to the jerky movements performed in 1987 by prisoner Rudolf Hess when he was hung for his involvement in the Nazi death camps. Der Spiegel gave the Hess performance 5 stars.
3. The Monkeys
The Monkeys imitated the Monkees who imitated the Beatles. The Monkeys had their own TV program and product line. For the record companies, it was a sweet deal, since they only had to feed them bananas.
2. Limp Biscuit
People found them to be a ripoff of the British group "Half Man, Half Biscuit". Widely criticized by teenagers from one of those voucher schools in Florida for not knowing how to spell "Bizkit".
Hannah North Dakota at a high school talent show in Grand Forks.
1. Hannah North Dakota
From a Reality TV program where a young girl is a big-name singing star, and decides to go to a normal school. The series flopped, and the Disney Channel had to send back all of that merchandise it was going to use to pump the Hannah North Dakota cash cow for all it was worth. It decided instead to pick a girl named after another midwestern state.

Honorable Mention

See also: Stupid bands from Myspace who think Uncyclopedia is their personal vanity space
The Rice Girls took China by storm.