Worst 100 Sequels of All Time

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"Not another 100 list. This must be a sequel."

~ Oscar Wilde

What Makes a bad Sequel?[edit]

Before we can begin to identify the worst 100 sequels of all time, we need to first define what a bad sequel is. Unlike regular movies, sequels do not need to focus that much on plot or character development. No, no point for a sequel to have any of that... but then again, that's true for most prequels as well.

The List[edit]

According to God's True Word, the following are the worst 100* movie sequels ever made.** Readers are required to have their sporks to hand.

* God does not care to count this list too closely, and believers are wise not to criticise divine numeration policy.

** Some movies may not in fact be sequels, or movies for that matter.


100. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory 2 — Oompah's Revenge
The Oompa slaves rebel against their house imprisonment and forced labour paid only in chocolate. Charlie and Willy go lynching in an attempt to quell the Oompa revolt.
99.9.1 The Human Millipede
99.9 Aladdin VI — Allah is Great
When the Genie (played by Robin Williams, who is really only in this movie because "Old Dogs" was so bad, Disney said he owed THEM money) is captured by George "Dubya" Bush, who then wishes for Americans to be stupid enough to support invading Iraq, Aladdin decides to declare "jihad". Armed with his magic carpet, Aladdin and Abu decide to threaten to strap explosives to themselves and fly into the Statue of Liberty if the Genie is not released. Will the Genie be free again? Will the Statue of Liberty explode? Will the beheading of that annoying fucking parrot bring on the laughs? No one cares.
99.8 Aladdin IV - Jafar may need glasses
When Jafar sees an eye doctor, he finds out that Aladdin pisses in his eyes at night. Hilarity, Kitten Huffiing, ind bd spelig strt agin.
99.7 The Stand-Alone Movie...Sequel!...Number 3! — Brand New Story, Unrelated Characters, In Fact We're Just Stealing The Name!
Concept for most Disney sequels, but this was the original. It was even based on a 1980s television series, just like 35% of todays films.
99.5 Pirates of the Caribbean 8 -- Dead Man's Breast
(USA, 2012) Johnny Depp finds out that his super style mascara has breast enhancers, and in a desperate to hide his boob, he ends up with "The Curse of the Black Bust."
99.4 Bring It On- super bloopers edition
(Taiwan, long time) This 3 and a half hour master piece of your favorite bring it on blooper moments is a true classic among the horrible. Fans and critics alike agree that this bloopers video transcends the average bloopers video, and holds rank as a sequel in the Bring It On legacy. Additional audio commentary provided by Sammuel L. Jackson.
99.3 Lord Of The Rings 4 - Shit! There's A Necklace As Well
What a problem! Who knew that there were other pieces of jewelery to destroy, and Sauron handily isn't dead, and it will take at least three films to destroy this necklace? Well, the writers did, cause it got them money.
99.2 Bambi III (My Deer Mother)
(2006) Yep, there was a Bambi 3. It involved Bambi going to a seance to try to connect to his dear departed mother. (Did you get the hilarious pun in the title that half the jokes were based on? No? Oh dear.) Then it tells us his mother's story, in a flashback that lasts 2 and a half hours. Her story is pretty well an average deer story, which makes it slightly dull. Thumper didn't appear in this movie, due to scheduling conflicts.
99.1Pirates of the Caribbean 7 — Barbossa is Back!
(USA, 2011) After Johnny Depp finally decided to say NO! to more sequels, the studio Suits in turn decided to have Jude Law take over his role. The result was of course devastating. Box office results in excess of $1.2B were expected, the collective suicide of the first test audience saw the film banned from further screenings worldwide.
99.0 Braveheart 2... The Patriot
(USA, 2000) William Wallace (Mel Gibson) may have been publicly disemboweled in jolly-old England over 400 years ago, but the legend of this Scottish freedom fighter lives on! A respected member of the landed gentry and tartan-wearing highlander in Colonial America, Braveheart, Jr. (Mad Max) risks everything he holds dear to free his homeland from the tyranny of King George Longshanks III of England. Bad English soldiers do bad things to local people and their homes before Braveheart, Jr. (Lethal Gibson) finally manages to rouse the people to fight for their land and repel the invading armies. As the King lies dying, (Braveheart) is hanged for treason and Robert the Bruce Washington carries on the fight, leading oppressed colonists on to independence and kilt-wearing.
98 Shawshank 2 Redemption
(USA, 2001) Five years have passed since Andy and Red departed Shawshank prison. But they run into one of their old cellmates (played by Snoop Dogg), who threatens to hand Andy over to the police: unless, that is, they help him carry out a series of daring casino heists. Cue explosions chasing people down corridors, cars crashing through windows, a few dozen dead police officers, and Red repeatedly saying "I'm getting too old for this shit" before shooting Generic Henchman #3. Jessica Alba co-stars as Red's sexy new girlfriend, who probably double-crosses them in the end or something.
97. Bridget Jones' Diary 3 — Another Day, Another 80 Kilos
(MB, 2005) Nothing much to say about this one, except that it very nearly made Roger Ebert decide to quit his job as film critic. Renée Zellweger turns 250 pounds fatter to reprise her role from the first two.
96. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back... Again
(USA, 2007) To be released in Belgium as "Bob speaks.", it's the conclusion to the Jersey Trilogy. Honestly, for real this time.
95. When Harry ate Sally
(USA, 1993) Billy Crystal stars in this sexually charged sequel in a funny yet gross attempt at his new porn comedy (pormedy) career. He also signed on as the co-writer, looking to add a little City Slickers theme to it. Meg Ryan at first said now way. But after an eye opening meeting w/ Miss Cleo in April of 1990, she said yes to thie flick. Stating that Miss Cleo said "Joe Versus the Volcano is the begining of the end". Al Cromlie of the Iowainian said "Bring Zip Lock bags to catch your vomit. . . . It's a barf fest"..César Johnson of U.S.A. Next Tuesday said "You'll laugh until you stop". And Candy Eesgud gave it 7 & 2/3 stars out of 8 claiming the it's "Mediocre at best. But I'm also legally blind".
94. The Butcher's Wife 2 — Jackoffal
(France, 2001) Demi Moore reprises her role as the Butcher's Wife, showing just how sexy salami can really be (also #27 on the list of Worst 100 Porn Movies of All Time).
93. United 93 2
(USA, 2001) 2 hours of flaming wreckage.
92.5 The Never-Ending Story 29
(USA, 2007) The next part in the infinite part story. The studio has managed to increase production rate of these movies to 3-a-day, in an effort to end the epic.
92. Transporter 4
(USA, 2006) How often can a FedEx guy get lost? A lot of times, apparently. Voted least imaginative sequel of 2006.
91. Plan 10 from Outer Space
(USA, 1961) Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious... the even worse-than-last-time.


90. Gandhi 2 — With a Vengeance
(USA, 1990) He's back, and he's pissed. No more Mr. Passive Resistence. He is one mother who knows how to party.

"Give me a steak. Medium rare."

89. Total Recall 3 — Those Darn Memories
(UK, 2001) One for the PC crowd. Reportedly the only film in which Arnie doesn't say "I'll be back."
88. Are We Dead Yet? — Same house. Same family.
(USA, 2008) Having moved to the suburbs, Newlyweds Nick (Ice Cube) and Suzanne (Long) decide to settle down and wait for death. Good riddance.
87. Stargoat — SG-1
(USA, 1998) A poorly executed ripoff of the popular Stargate film, this one starring Paul Allen as the übergoat commander of a l33t team of marketeers.
86. Robocop 4
(USA, 2050) Well, we managed to find a way to blow him up again. Oh well, so much for that.
85. Some Kind Of Monster 7
(R) (2012) In This 7th addition to Metallica's documentary series Lars eats a sandwhich, James gets busy with his wife (not really, just saying that to attract people to this movie since it sucks) Rob buys a new shirt and Kirk gets a haircut. omfg and over 15 hours of extra's which include: Lars sleeping, James sleeping and even Rob sleeping as well as Kirk eating breakfast.
84. From Justin to Clay
(2008) Finally a gay happy movie that everyone can enjoy... well not really. In this story, Clay Aiken and Justin Guarinininini find each other in spring break and are astonished when both of them can coincidentally sing horribly. The two hook up and dance for about 2 hours.
85. Final Destination 7— Death is Back To Kill More People Again, But With a Longer and More Confusing Storyline
(2023) Another movie about a bunch of teenage kids escaping death, this time when they go on a routine launch into outer space and the door isn't properly shut and all of the passengers die, although one teenage boy sees this in his vision and saves everyone. (sounds familiar) Then death comes to kill everyone who lived again until they all die, but the teenager figures out the pattern of death once again, but this time its going in the order of the rainbow in the shirts they were wearing the day of the blast-off. Good thing our main character was wearing his lucky violet shirt.
84. You Got Sizzerved
(2006) The evil white people are back to take the dancing crown away from the super cool and fresh black kids. But this time, its a polka dance off and the black kids are in BIG trouble. The black kids fly to Poland to learn how to dance like white people and beat the white kids at their own game. After weeks of training in Poland the black kids learn dancing like a whiteboy right from Master Craka. The black kids fly back to Cali just in time for the polka dance off. In an upset the black kids dance more like white kids than the white kids do and win the trophy. Hooray for all!
83. I Vaguely Recall What You Did A Few Summers Ago, Or Was It Spring? No, Definitely Summer.....
(2007) Four "twenty"-somethings are terrorized by letters suggesting that someone is trying to work out where he's seen them before.
82. Too Easy Too Rider
(1975) After being gunned down and run over, Billy and Captain America emerge from their comas and declare that their experiences were far out man. They then buy choppers and fly from New Orleans to Vermont, using their on-road experiences as a metaphor of Canadian life.
81. Dead Man II
(1998) The canoe that holds William Blake (Johnny Depp) eventually sinks and Blake's body is eaten by fishes. The body of his Indian guide, Nobody (Gary Farmer), continues to decompose on the shoreline next to the body of bounty hunter Cole Wilson (Lance Henriksen). Essentially nothing happens - just like the original film.


Jews: The Revenge


80. Doctor Strangelove 2
(1966) The "Mine Shaft Gap" between the USA and the USSR grows ugly as President Merkin Muffley has trouble selecting his ten wives.
79. Blade Runner 3 — The Musical
(2008) The replicants, headed by Nell(Dolph Lundgren), wage war on earth. Deckard's brother Vince (Jean-Claude Van Damme) is humanity’s only hope. Then Nell finds he is pregnant! Let the Music begin. Directed by Paul Verhoeven.
78. Memento - Double Prints
(2007) Lenny is fucked with again and retraces his steps through the entire plot of the first movie, but this time with an urban youth as his guide. Hear about Sammy Jankis for another 90 minutes just like the first movie, but marvel as Lenny seems to have never before. Ebert called it, "Slightly more fun than hanging out with my grandma with alzheimers."
77. A Much Longer Yard
(2011) Adam Sandler won't stop making sports-related movies. Or shit movies, for that matter. With a cast including Larry the Cable Guy, Sean "P Diddy" Combs, Leslie Nielsen, the entire roster of the Chicago Enforcers of the XFL, and Craig T. Nelson as the wise school janitor. When a small amish community needs a morale boost after repeated vandalism from neighboring townies, Sandler decides they should throw a football team together and challenge them.
76. Crossroads 2 - European Backpacking
(2006) Britney Spears is a college student studying abroad. When she gets lost while trying to discover herself, she bumps into another American (Kevin Federline) who helps her. Earned an R-rating due to Spears exposing her "side boob" in a skinny dippy scene, and Federline actually being beaten to death by several crew members (the footage was left in the final cut after it tested well with audiences).
75. E.T. 2 - Judgement Day
(1989) E.T. returns to discover he's been merchandised to buggery. Drops a sixpack of whupass on the FBI bastards from the first film.
74. A Mightier Wind
(2004) Christopher Guest and the cast reunite for another wacky, banjo filled PBS concert. Donate now!
73. Blade Runner 2 - Pris sucks Peckard off
(2008) Harrison Ford was replaced with a Midget on speed. Hilarity ensued.
72. Titanic 2
(2012) After a century under water, James Cameron returns to the sunken ship and raises it, only to ejaculate on every inch of the boat screaming "I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD, BIATCH"
71. Police Academy Pi — Cops in America
(2004) . Having used all the rational numbers in previous sequels they finally cross over to the irrational. Features the beating of college kids.
71. (tie) Star Wars, Episode 0 — Gunga Jamboree
(2007) Here we meet Jar Jar Binks again in this killing situation comedy covering the first 25 years of unfortunate Jar Jar's growth in Otoh Gunga. We will finally get to see him committing the famous clumsiness in front of the clan leader when he : boomed da gasser, and crashed de boss's heyblibber, den banished


70. Kill Bill 3
(2007) Unfortunately, the Bill was dead and the borderline psychotic yellow woman was just having a vacation.
69. Back to the future XXVIII
(2075) Now there are so many versions of Doc Brown and young Marty McFly running over each other in the same small suburbian part of the space-time-continuum that even the spiced up script writers seen to have a hard time keeping track of them.
68. Mr. and Mrs. Smith 2
(2007) Considering the whole "Brangelina" thing, no need for any plot. Just 3 hours of people smacking each other with Clay Aiken's platinum awards.
67. Spiceworld 2 Electric Boogaloo!
(2005) The Spice Girls, now living on the streets, try to make a comeback by releasing a charity single for the deaf. Unfortunately, the deaf became extinct 500 years ago, so the charity is banned. The girls are executed halfway through the film, the second half consists of an animated .GIF played on a loop featuring a penguin pushing another penguin into a pond.
66. Street Fighter - The Movie - The Game - The Movie
(2006) The movie based on the game based on the movie based on the game.
65. Freddie vs. Jason 2
(2007) An epic battle to determine who is the hairiest man alive. Viewers are asked to ignore that both men's lives and careers were already over by the time production was completed.
65. Eww.
64. Schindler's List 2 - Electric Boogaloo
(2006) Schindler changes his mind and sends all the Jews back to the camp. Situation comedy.
63. Gremlins 3 - Gizmo's Revenge
(1999) Gizmo gets tired of being in his cage...
62. Terminator 6
(2013) Having lost the election for President 2012 Arnold Schwarzenegger returns once more as the man killing robot, now with an Alzheimer bug that keeps him forgetting who's side he is on. Random humour.
61. Jurrasic Park IV
(2006) Dinsosaur's have four claws? Well, they do now. T-Rex has evolved to Level 3. It has +8 HP and can now breathe fire and shoot laser beams from its eyes.


60. Gigli 2
(2007) Same as the original, except Ben Affleck's character is replaced with a fridge.
59. My Dessert, Aperitif, and Quick Bung 'Round To The Flat For a Roll In The Hay With Andre
(1997) A dismal failure, mostly due to excessive talking during the otherwise surprisingly well-choreographed sex scenes.
58. Tremors 7, the Graboids go to Paris
(2006) Kevin 'Valintine' Bacon returns to the town of Prefection as a washed-up actor to discover the giant worms have mutated yet again. This time into snooty, snail-eating humanoids and flee to France. Bacon and his sidekick, Ol' Redneck Billy, chase after them and blow lots of stuff up. Also they're both invisible for some reason.
57. Teenagers on a Camping Trip II
(1985) After nearly avoiding death at the hands of a faceless shadow known as The Enemy, Todd Stagbuck and his friends plan to revisit ShadyPines summer camp for some pointless nostalgia. To their surprise, but not the audiences, The Enemy is still alive and begins killing them all one by one starting with the black guy. As you can probably guess everyone dies except Todd, his girlfriend and his token minority friend.
56. Texas Chain Saw Massacre III
(2006) The old chain has gone dull from all the slashing in the previous movies, so Leatherface has a hard time gnawing his way through the limbs of the unfortunate youngsters. Get a hand-saw next time for better performance!
55. Land Before Time XXVIIIXIIVVIXXIIII½(69.5), Rise of the Mammals
(2013) After almost a hundred years, nature finally says 'enough' to the stupid singing dinosaurs and sends an asteroid crashing down into the Great Valley. Contains seven all-new songs and special guest star Hillary Duff.
54. Toy Story 4
(2024) Tensions rise as all the toys are forced into a box in the attic against their will. Mr. Potato Head and Rex lead an uprising against Woody and Buzz for control over the toy soldier army. After twenty years of war, the box is opened, revealing that none have survived. There's a metaphor in there somewhere.
53. Happy Movie 2
(2011) A horrible script written by one of the worst script writers in history, which was thankfully scratched because it was so bad. Also, the main character is so fat he filled up the whole screen with his ocean shirt that is so big. Yeah... if you find it, burn it.
52. War of the Worlds 2
(2008) The martians are back again but this time they have all gotten their shots. The humans somehow think disease is going to work again and fail in their defence. Then the star of the movie realizes that the martians are still affected by AIDS. He then proceeds to infect every martian, one by one.
51. Robert's Rules of Order II
(2012) Two years after Robert's Rules of Order, Robert is on vacation in Maui when terrorists suddenly assassinate his new girlfriend, and he discovers a whole new order of disorder in the Hawaiian Department of Justice, and it is up to Robert once again to bring order.


50. Speed III
(2007) Sandra Bullock's new boyfriend is an astronaut in an upstart private space company, but something's wrong on the rocket ship.
49. School of Rock 2
(2004) Jack Black's character is replaced by Owen Wilson. Need I say more?
48. Soylent Purple
(1984) The sequel to Soyent Green takes place twenty-seven years after the events of the first movie. The government has stopped making Soylent Green in favor of the cheaper and tastier Soylent Purple. Want to know what that's made of? Here's a hint; it has four legs sounds like fog.
47. Independence Day II
The 5th of July: (2006) A film noir about a construction worker who has lost his entire family in the prevous movie, but tries to find a new meaning to his life, searching for unbroken bricks in the rubble heap of what used to be downtown Chicago.
46. Speed IV.
Sandra Bullock must star in another movie within a year's time or her legs will explode with celluite.
45. Coming to America II.
The country of Zamunda has undergone a civil war, with Prince Akeem's parents executed and him fleeing the country to avoid facing the same. He ends up in Bel Air, California, with Will Smith as his guide to the world he now has to face as his new home.
44.2 Snakes on a Plane 12
Sharks in the Park: (2009) The motherfucking star, Motherfucking Samuel Motherfucking L. Motherfucking Jackson Motherfucker starred in this motherfucking movie, ya motherfucker!
44.1 Star Trek XII Broke Back Planet
(2008) The Next Generation cast is brought back with the Deep Space Nine cast for this film. They decide to take a vacation on Broke Back Planet, and reveal very personal and secret feelings for each other. Picard tells Sisko that "Benjamin, you complete me!" and they decide to use baseball terms and take turns being the pitcher and the catcher.
44. Star Trek, The Motioned Picture.
The original cast and crew are brought together as everyone tries to remember why they came together to begin with. Includes three-hour director's cut of James Doohan's funeral.
43. Titanic 3.
The ship finally arrives, to the surprise of Cheech from the duo of Cheech & Chong. Having fallen on hard times, Cheech has been forced to take a meager job as a dock worker and witnesses the ship's return, but no one believes him.
42. A Very Muppet Hannukah.
Can Kermit and his friends save Hannukah from the evil Santa Claus? With Tim Allen as Santa.
41. Scooby Doo 3.
Shaggy awakens from a twenty-five year drug-induced hallucination only to find that the real world has him homeless and weighing 81 pounds.


40. The Matrix Restored
(2004) It is discovered that the ‘real word’ is another simulated reality created by a super-intelligent race of tuna-people to enslave both the machines and the humans. Neo is brought back from the Matrix’s Recycling Bin however his data and the data of Agent Smith have merged together forming Agent Anderson. Now he and Morpheus’ daughter Yinert must rise up against the trout and free humanity (again).
39. The Godfather Part XXX
(2008) In this installment of The Godfather, we find Vito Corleone and Sonny Corleone come back from the grave to enter the porn-business. It's a new century, and thus, new industries. But soon, they'll find out that being Porn-Stars and pimps, is not as easy as it seems.
38. Lawrence of the Hood
(1997) After returning from his successful campaign in Arabia, British colonel T.E. Lawrence decides a change of scenery, becoming a cop on the mean streets of L.A. However, seeing the injustice meted out to poor blacks just trying to live their lives, Lawrence "goes native" again and leads a vicious rebellion against the Police.
37. Metropolis II
(2006) The classic, futuristic, black and white , pre-sound, pre-million dollar budget, pre-everything movie is replayed as a homage to 110 years of film history with Steven Spielberg as director and Michael Bay as co-director for stunt performances, with Keanu Reeves and Uma Thurman in the leading roles. The film was originally thought to be made "Schindlers list"'s wise to add the historical feeling, but artificial color was added just before release since no one in the test audience could see any difference between this version and the original film.
36. The Fantastics
(2007) When the Incredibles got big this family got....regular, hey if batman can do it then why not some chick in a minivan with a blunt fork, blessed by CASPER!!!
Star Wars Episode 7.jpg
35. Star Wars Episode 7
Return of the Sith: (2009) In a distant future, where George Lucas wants more money we join Harrison Ford, Han Solo, Indiana Jones and Flava Flav as they travel through the universe and battle sith who are pretty pissed that everyone other than our lord and saviour Darth Vader is completely lame. Also, a before-movie special: How Does She Do It?: Natalie Portman and expressionless monologuing.
34. Alien v. Predator v. Metroid v Pac-Man
(2007) We join our protagonist Samus Aran as shes sucking the liquids from an aborted fetus for power, unfortunately this fetus has geostigma and this causes her to lose her powers (again...) the predator are using the powers for volleyball and the Aliens are using it for their feces, who will win out in the end!!! (special appearance by Vince Vaughn)
33. The Silence of the Llamas
(2009) When llamas go exict we blame the corpse of Hannibal Lecter, unfortunately he evolved into a lizardman, watch as Dakota Fanning gets her eyes gouged out, her face impaled and her entrails used as toilet paper!!! (Bring the kids!!)
32. Ei8ht
(2010) Did someone say copycat killer!!! No...noone....must just be hearing things....
31. American History XL
(2008) When racism toward black people goes above the norm, we join Drake and Josh from that crappy nick show as they are sent to prison and experience a little lovin for being so crappy!!!
30. Nephew of the mask
(2005) OK, this is just a terrible idea... No one would make this, the idea is ridiculous!!!!



30. Lord of The Rings Return of the Fellowship of the King's Two Towers

(2007)Follow the adventures of Sam as he must live life without Frodo, and he must battle against his inner gay self. Merry and Pippin also star as they head back to the Ents and discover the real meaning of morning wood.

29. American Pi

(2008) Tired of sex and backstabbing foolery, the once-virgin gang indulges in the risky trade of Calculus. Much hilarity ensues, such as Stifler taking Jim's derivative while Jim is asleep, and Kevin pulling the raunchiest pranks as he approaches 0. Also featuring raunchy exploits with their scientific calculators at Math Camp...

28. The Matrix Ranother-one

(2015) Neo's eyes grow back. Keanu Reeves tries to act. Also the script is the same as the previous ones, only this time there's less sexual tension. Somehow.

27. Speed V (2012) The original creators of this franchise must bury it before their careers Explode!

26. Blade Quartet

(2007) The Real, True, First Vampire, Cane, arises from the mists of time and attempts to put all mortals into a virtual reality where they think they rule, but in reality, they just provede blood to the vampires. The Daywalker gets help from his own half-sister (a three-quarters vampire that can abide some light and is called Eveningwalker), and the dog of his former partner Whistler

25. Underworld Promiscuity

(2009) A prophecy about a crossbreed between Human, Vampire, Werewolf, Mummy, Frankenstein's Monster, Bogey-Man, Elf, Alien and Robot is about to come true when Selene goes to the Wildest Party Ever.

24. The Ten Commandments II (2011) Moses and the Hebrews find that 10 Commandments just aren't enough to stop people from being evil, so they work to come up with 10 more on their own. Moses anti-climatically parts his beard. God phones in a special guest appearance. Somebody should have told the producers, "Thou shalt not bore me to death."

23. The Matrix Renamed (2008) Acknowledging the fact that by now, everything from story to characters has become one-dimensional, The Matrix is renamed The Array. The Robots find out that while they thought they put humans into their machines for energy and fun, it's actually the other way around, and they're just part of a crappy online game. N30, the great machine hope and chosen 00000001, sets out to free the machines, but dies in a scheduled virus scan.

22. Mission: Impossible IV (2010) They cut the dialogue in this sequel's sequel's sequel, so the movie consists only of scenes with Tom Cruise literally flying around with his motorcycle, hitting people hundreds of yards away with a handgun, and scenes of Tom Cruise standing in front of a mirror, wearing only shades, and having a wank.

22. Manos: The Hands of Fate 2 (2009) Need I say more?


20. Harry Potter and the Quantum of Solace

Warner Bros. controversially decide to go ahead with a sequel to the seventh Harry Potter movie despite J.K. Rowling not writing a book. With Voldemort dead and his school life over, Harry decides to become an action hero and save Bolivia from losing its water supply.

19. Cinderella IV - Le Divorce

Cinderella gets bored of Prince Charming and runs off with the Fairy Godmother, not that there's anything wrong with that.

18. Star Trek XI - The Wreath of John

Kirk and the Gang, come back to earth for Christmas.. When John's wreath some how comes to life and is declared a sentient being! But what they don't know is that the Wreath is hell bent on destroying Earth and Christmas All Together!

17. Final Destination 8 - This time we really mean it

Death nearly catches up with those bloody psychic teenagers, but his ex-girlfriend Judy pays an unexpected visit and he realises that his inability to let teenagers see their twenties is all due to his deep-seated feelings of rejection when Judy left him for someone a bit less bony.

16. Still Waiting for Godot

Estragon and new friend Wendy discuss humour, theatre, and whether salami is better than pepperoni.

15. Hook-ed

Peter Banning né Pan, now aged 67, has to go back to Neverland to rescue his grandchildren from the grasp of evil Captain Hook Jnr. He fights both pirates and arthritis, and finds that his Happy Thoughts consist of the Lost Boys being quiet whilst he watches Jeopardy. Ben Affleck stars as the Captain.

14. Resident Evil IV

After 100% of the population has become zombies, some zombies eat the brains of the director, much to the delight of everyone.

13. Halloween Part LXXIV: Another Sequel

Everyone's excited when Mike Myers comes to a town fete, only for the town's mayor to invite the insane serial killer instead of the acclaimed actor. Hilarity and horror ensues.

12. Signs 2

The aliens return with a new defence, wet suits! Can Mel Gibson stall for time long enough until the last five minutes of the movie when a deus ex machina will save his ass?

11. Baywatch: The Movie: The Sequel

A boy is attacked by a shark, the lifeguards run in super-slow motion to save him - however, the boy dies before they can reach him. But who needs plot, character development, character depth or a storyline when you have boobies!?


10. Wikipedia: The Movie (2009)

This attempt to make a classic drama failed by a long run. We all know how Wikipedia stole Uncyclopedia's format and overall idea, and this movie tries to tell us how it happened. Forcing the viewer to feel pity for how poorly Wikipedia is actually designed, colored and how it has such ridiculously unimportant content, this movie is for nothing more than to use your Movie Ticket as a temporary solution to Firewood.

9. Final Fantasy: Advent Children 2

The movie takes place seconds after the first where Cloud saw Oprah instead of Aeris. Then he gets all raged over Son Goku's excessive need to revive some old baddies from his past and decides to cry. The movie ends with Aeris coming back but soon being Killed by Solid Snake.

8. Rocky XL

At 100 years old they all thought Rocky Balboa couldn't possibly take on the new breed of genetically enhanced cyborg fighters, but he's back against all odds, out of retirement again, and eager to prove himself to the world. A true tearjerker for all the same reasons as Rocky 3 through 6.


Brad Pitt: "Hit me."
Edward Norton: "What?"
Brad Pitt: "Hit me."
Edward Norton: "Okay." (Hits)
Brad Pitt: "Damnit, what the fuck is your problem?!?"

6. Breakfast At Tiffanys II

5. Freddy vs. Jason vs. Michael Myers vs. Ash vs. Jacob Goodnight vs. Samara vs. Toshio and Kayoko vs. Alien vs. Predator vs. Critters vs. Gremlins vs. Chucky vs. Candyman vs. Tiffany vs. The Creeper vs. Lycans vs. Vampires vs. the entire "The Dead" series vs. Leprechaun vs. House vs. The House that Dripped Blood vs. Barney vs. Little Shop of Horrors vs. The Blob vs. The Thing vs. Indian Burial Grounds vs. Dr. Terror's House of Horrors vs. Hawkman vs. Dr. Z vs. Dr. Phibes vs. Dr. Cox vs. Death from Final Destination vs. Leatherface vs. Frank the rabbit vs. Norman Bates vs. Dot Cotton vs. Terminator vs. The Birds vs. Jaws vs. Frogs vs. Cujo vs. Pet Sematary vs. Pet Cemetary vs. IT vs. IT, "The Terror from Beyond Space" vs. The IT Crowd vs. John Cena vs. Donald Trump vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. THEM vs. Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital vs. Lars Von Trier's Kingdom Hospital vs. Optimus Prime vs.Lewis Hamilton vs.Duke Nukem vs. Garth Marenghi's Darkplace vs. "Manos" The Hands of Fate. vs. Ghostface vs. Ghostface vs. Ghostface vs. Ghostface vs. Ghostface vs. you (Freddy vs. Jason 13)

Somehow, everyone survived and a new person/thing comes to join the fight. Another exciting battle of the scariness!

4. The Day After Tomorrow: The Next Day

(2006) This action thriller follows four dudes who are in search of life, food and their sexual needs . . . . . with each other. Starring Horatio Sans as Chud Baxter. Payton Manning as Tom Brady. Warren from "There's Something About Mary" as Hab you tee my Baithball, aka Little John. And Rosie O'Donnell as Charles Anderson.

3.14159. The Passion of the Christ 2: He Won't Be Crossed Again

After spending a relaxing weekend inside the tomb, Jesus Christ resurrects himself, vowing revenge on the poor bastards who had him whacked. In a bloody series of execution-style revenge assassinations reminiscent of Munich, the Lord and Savior one-by-one massacres those who brought him down. First, Judas Iscariot receives a crown of thorns up his sphincter, eventually bleeding into a long, slow death. Then, Pontius Pilate gets impaled by a sharpened cross and forcibily stigmata-ed. As his bloody wake grows wider, the qulestion looms - will the Lamb of God leave anyone in Jerusalem alive? Just as the moment seems dire, who should arrive on the scene but producer/director Mel Gibson, in his first cameo of the series! In a climactic battle, he manages to catapult the Son of God into another dimension. But this battle is far from over. Look for the final chapter, The Passion of the Christ 3: Rapture of Blood, coming soon to DVD and VHS!

3. Starship Troopers 4: Bugs in Love When the Federation's beloved Brain Bug gets lonely, Lt. Clooney and his team 'The Bulldogs' must travel to an unknown planet to find a mate for the giant insect. What could possibly go wrong? (*cough* they meet Dracula *cough*)

2. Meet the fuckers' Parents The long-awaited sequel to 'Meet the Fockers', in which we meet the parents of the Fockers. The film consists of Ben Stiller standing in a graveyard looking for a map that shows the location of a key used to open up a door. A door that leads to a dungeon which holds a relic that can activate one of four locks that pave the way to a crystal that fits into the back of Darth Vader's head. This is to cause the universe to very slightly contract in order to make it so that Stiller's character can jump high enough to pick a magic apple out of a tree. An apple he must feed to a rabid hamster so that he can fly it out into space to see a magic portal with which he can travel back in time and kill himself before he even reaches that damn graveyard.

1. Daddy Aged Care: D-Day Is Coming Again and Again Two men, Charlie and Phil, get laid off again and have to become stay-at-home dads when they can't find jobs because of fat ass laziness. The father of Charlie comes to stay after a bout of dementia. This inspires them to open their own aged-care center. God knows why. Two hours of senility, stupidity, mistreatment of the elderly and bad fake teeth jokes.

1/2 Citizen Kane II It turns out that Kane didn't die in the first movie but merely fell into a coma. After waking up from his coma, Kane goes on a vengeful killing spree to find out who burned Rosebud. Needless to say, all Orson Welles had to do to kill his enemies was to sit on them.

1/4 Casablanca II Rick changes his mind about letting Ilsa go and now chases her and Lazlo, portrayed by Ronaldi Reagano (Ronald Reagan's Italian half-brother), all across Europe, killing any Nazi, Jew, American, Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey, and Russian he encounters. Finally when he corners Ilsa and Lazlo on Malta he shoots both of them with Louis (who'd tagged along until then) uttering "She was the stuff that dreams were made of." But that isn't the end of the movie; Rick then decides to fight for the French Resistance but is killed in a mugging at the airport.