Worst 100 Make Out Songs of All Time

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You're listening to WILDE, Uncyclopedia Smooth Jazz and easy listening. It's 16:43 and we're going to play down the list of the Worst 100 Make Out songs of all time. That's right folks sit back and relax as these songs will surely take you out of the mood. So sit back, and relax with your lady here on WILDE.

The List[edit]


100. The Bitch Is Back - Elton John
As if calling her a bitch wasn't bad enough, why do you have an Elton John song and a GIRLfriend. I certainly don't...
99. The Ring of Fire - Johnny Cash
"And it burns, burns, burns" is not the best lyric to hear, especially if you suspect your partner of having an STD
98. So What - the Anti-Nowhere League
Because listening to his STD history and prior bestiality then being called "a boring c**t" is every gal's dream.
97. Rocketman - William Shatner
96. The I Love You Song from Barney
And you are how old?
95. If You Want to be Happy - Jimmy Soul
This song is especially bad if you are having a romantic evening with your wife.
94. Limbo
How low can you go?
93. Baby Got Back - Sir Mix-Alot
For some reason, women don't like to hear about why you like big butts.
94. Everyone Has Aids - D.V.D.A. (Matt Stone and Trey Parker)
93. I Want To Rape You - Spinal Fuck
No comment.
92. I Got Crabs(And You Do Too!) - Eselfick
91. Anything by the Chipmunks.


90. Too Drunk to Fuck - The Dead Kennedys
89. Why Does It Hurt When I Pee? - Frank Zappa
She'll probably think you have the gono-ka-ka-kas.
88. I want to break free - Queen
Not a good way to show your love...unless you're a child under Michael Jackson, in which case it's perfect
87. We are the Champions - Queen
No girl likes to be bragged about plus she might be a bit spooked about you referencing yourself in the plural.
86. The Way You Do The Things You Do - The Temptations

"Listen to the lyrics - they are all a bunch of back-handed insults. For instance : "You've got a smile so bright, you know you could have been a candle". Consider the amount of lumens that a candle lets out. That ain't nothing compared to a light bulb or the sun. So, essentially, she barely brightens up your life. Even worse - "If good looks were minutes, you know you could have been an hour." That'll get her hot. Yeah, considering that there are 24 hours in a day, and the average amount of days a person will live, she's only worth 1/24 of a day in terms of good looks. So, she doesn't brighten up your life a lot and is a potential fire hazard, and she's really ugly. Then consider this, she gets compared to being a school-book (what girl doesn't like being compared to a book that everyone hates) and a crook. Not very loving."

85. Sunday, Bloody Sunday - U2.

"Partly because the woman may be on her period, and partly because it's U2"

84. Come On and Dance with Wags The Dog - The Wiggles
83. Michael - Franz Ferdinand
It's not the best time to get out of the closet, is it?
82. Fuck me Jesus - Marduk
This is even worse if your girlfriend is religious. (but not actually as bad as having a religious girlfriend)
81. First I Look At The Purse - J. Geils Band


80. The Magnificent Organ (album) - E. Power Biggs
79. Anthrax - Gang of Four
Here's the chorus if you don't believe me: "And I feel like a beetle on its back/And there's no way for me to get up, love will get you like a case of anthrax/And that's something I don't want to catch."
78. D.I.V.O.R.C.E. - Tammy Wynette
77. Havin' My Baby - Paul Anka
76. Dive! Dive! Dive! - Bruce Dickinson
75. Harvester of Sorrow - Metallica

"Here are the lyrics if you're not convinced"

74. Beat It - Michael Jackson

"It just seems wrong. . . ."

73. Book-on-tape - Learning Business Spanish

"Are you going to the complimentary breakfast? ¿Yendo usted al desayuno halagador? " "Yeah, that'll get her hot."

72. Any music by Anal Cunt.

71. Die, Die My Darling - The Misfits


70. She Rides - Danzig
Unless you have managed to find a dominatrix or a girl really into that kind of thing. Or really into Danzig - there are actually quite a few.
69. Into the Coven - King Diamond
68. Lick My Bowels - Shitfucker

"Not exactly a turn-on"

67. Mechanix - Megadeth

"Said you wanted to get your order filled, made me shiver when I put it in"

66. Use Your Head - Overkill
65. Mouth For War - Pantera
64. Raining Blood - Slayer

"That would be a very messy situation"

63. Die Hard - Venom
62. Fear, Part One - Paul Di'Anno's Battlezone

"Brutal and cruel, another hard beating, the pleasure of hearing you cry"

61. Heartbreaker - Led Zeppelin


60. I Won't Pay Your Price - Motorhead
59. Every Song Ever Done By... - Morrissey

"Best lyricist ever? Yer maw! 'You have never been in love until you see the stars reflect in the reservioirs.' All he's doing is trying to find a word that fits with the last. "Irish Blood, English Heart, this is what i'm made of'. Cool mate! Fantastic! Again, shite lyrics with all these tight-jeaned arsebandits pretending to be English shouting "MORRISSEY!" eating this shit up.

58. Forget You - Cee Lo Green
57. The Smurfs Theme Techno Remix
Unless she's REALLY into techno music. And Smurfs. Otherwise she'll just think you're insane.
56. Unholy Confessions-Avenged Sevenfold
55. Severed-Mudvayne

"I divorce the thoughts of you In love with me... I'm divorcing every motherfucking thing..."

54. Candy Man Can- Willy Wonka
53. I Wanna Fuck A Dog In The Ass - Blink 182

she will find out regardless

52. Heartless - Kanye West
51. Feed My Frankenstein - Alice Cooper


50. Wonderboy - Tenacious D

The absolute last song any woman wants to hear you sing along to! (ESPECIALLY DURING LOVE HOUR!)

49. Tainted Love - Marylin Manson

Unless you're making out with a horny emo, it's strongly advised not to play this number.

48. In Soviet Russia, crabs catch you! - The Soviet Russian Royal Marching Band
47. Cradle of Love - Billy Idol

Nothings says i love you like pedophilia.

46. Cotton Eye Joe - Rednex

Nothing says I love you like a song with barnyard animal sounds in it.

45. Bounce - system of a down

Unless you want a song about a gang bang then keep away from this

44. Judas - Lady Gaga

Unless the guy's name is Judas.

43. The "Jeopardy" think music-Merv Griffin

Inspires you to say things like "What is your tongue tastes so good!" and "What is could you please take your shirt off?" Come on, people, it just sounds wrong! And no one makes out on the show!

42. Sussudio - Phil Collins

This conjures up visuals from the movie "American Psycho"

41. Tempted - Squeeze

Ooo baby, your sister is hot


40. The Break-up Song - Greg Kihn Band
39. You're Really Ugly (But There's Nobody Cute Around) - Strong Bad
38. Oops...I did it again-Britney Spears

Oops...I forgot the condoms! Do you mind getting an STD?

37. Funky Cold Medina - Tone-Loc

This song is wrong...so very, very, wrong.

36. Burn in My Light- Mercy Drive

Again burning not such a good thing and don't tell the one your with "I'm going to take what's mine!" or "Nothing is going to change what you've done to me!"

35. I'm Keeping Your Poop - Hayseed Dxixie

Not something you'd want her to know about!

34. Suck my dog's dick - Wesley Willis
33. U Can't Touch This - MC Hammer
You had to ruin her fun, didn't you?
32. Sexicutioner - GWAR

"Give-a to me the 'golden shower'."

31. You Talk Too Much - Run DMC


30. Do I Creep You Out? - "Weird Al" Yankovic (a.k.a. Wired Al Yoinkivich)
29. You're Pitiful - Weird Al Yankovic
28. Fuck Like a beast - W.A.S.P.

Nothing quite as fucked up, unless your girlfriend likes animal porn...

27. Whos Your Daddy - Lordi

"Another Rape-Tastic song about rape by the most rapin' rapetastic band ever!

26. Beeswax - Nirvana

Errrm...I don't really think she'd like to know you've got your "diddly spayed".

25. Rape Me - Nirvana
24. I wanna love you
23. Best of You - Foo Fighters

this song's about cheating!!!!!

22. You Shook Me All Night Long-AC/DC

She was a fast machine is really inappropriate for the moment.

21. Date Rape - Sublime


20. I Don't Love You - My Chemical Romance.

You're not supposed to tell her!

19. I Used To Love Her - Guns N' Roses

"I used to love her but I had to kill her"

18. Anything Goes - Guns'n'Roses

"panties round your knees with your arse in debris... Tied up tied down... Be my rubbermade baby and we can do it all"

17. It's So Easy - Guns n Roses

"Turn around bitch I got a use for you."

16. Locomotive - Guns n Roses...

I think you get the picture about Guns...

15. The Estrus March - The Tempora Equinox
14. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper

Well, if it's lesbian sex it's okay, I guess...

13. I Fuck The Dead - Three Sixes

Hmm... Well, probably not?

12. Group Sex - Circle Jerks

Unless you're into that sort of thing, of course.

11. Jizz In My Pants - The Lonely Island

"I jizz right in my pants, every time you're next to me"

It will take about .24 seconds after the name of the title is said for your girl to realize that you're prostate and testis have minds of their own. Either that or she, like you, will realize how fucking hilarious the song is.


10. Any Weird Al polkas - "Weird Al" Yankovic

Unless your already having wild sex.

9. Don't Worry Be Happy- Bobby McFerrin
8. Fuck you Gently- Tenacious D
7. I Want You Dead- Kicked in the Head
6. How Much is that Doggie In The Window - Patti Page
5. Prelude To The Afternoon Of A Sexually Aroused Gas Mask - Frank Zappa

Seriously, in a blink of an eye, your girl is gone...

4. He Fell in Love with a Stormtrooper - Tank

My girlfriend isn't a gun-toting lump of plastic, is yours?

3. Take Me Home - John B

http://www.shaolintiger.com/2004/10/ Need I explain why not?

2. Orgasmatron - Motorhead

http://www.lyricshits.com/Sepultura-lyrics/Orgasmatron--song-lyrics.htm Check out the lyrics to see why. If any guy or girl ever plays this for a make out song, RUUUNNN!!!!

1. Meat Hook Sodomy - Cannibal Corpse

Read the lyrics. http://www.darklyrics.com/lyrics/cannibalcorpse/butcheredatbirth.html#1 Now that has gotta hurt, lots!