Top 100 ways to die

Death. With taxes and someone you don't know stalking you, it is one of the three things we are guaranteed in life. Every man dies, so a fair goal should be to have the worst possible death. Here is a list of the Top 100 ways to die.

100-91

100. Drinking pills of every kind

Considered the best way to go in Las Vegas if you're afraid of people hating you.

99. Getting in a gunfight with the Pope.

Although history says you'll be sent to hell.

98. Snakes on a plane

I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THESE MUTHAFUCKIN' SNAKES ON THIS MUTHAFUCKIN' PLANE!!!

97. Swallowing rocks.

Quite painless.

96. Putting your hand in the toaster, and then adding water

Opening the butter is hard with only one hand.

95. Getting bit by a rabid animal and going to the doctor after it is too late for him to give you the hundred shots.

You can just lay around and foam at the mouth at the hospital screaming "NOT THE PICKLE JUICE AGAIN!!!!".

94. Driving on the left side of a "Keep Right" sign

Didn't teach you that one in Driver's Ed, did they?

93. Popups

You accidentally clicked OK on the "Click here to claim a free death" browser popup.

92. Kitten huffing overdose

Die with a mouthful of penis.

91. Grue

Mention those fucking Euroipods ever again and a Grue is going to fuck you up and EAT YOUR DICK!

90.31415927. Dying by not dying

Get old and stink....get very ugly...and die of fright by looking in your puddle of liquid PCP.

90-81

90. Cannibalistic Vegetarians

Lying bastards!!!

89. Vegetarian Cannibals

Extreme right-wing faction of those lying bastards!!!

The TARDIS.

88. Telefragged by the TARDIS

The Doctor can't park for shit.

87. Running with scissors

Die a rebel's death.

86. A Black Hole (RACIST!!)

Africa's a dangerous place these days.

85. eDonkey2000

Receive a kick to the face from 2000 electronic donkeys.

84. Falling Piano

Destroying an antique musical instrument is a crime punishable by death.

83. Looking at a Clown.

HAHAHAHA-AH!

82. The Boogie

Don't blame it on the sunshine, don't blame it on the moonlight, don't blame it on the good times, blame it on the boogie.

81. A balanced diet

Watch out, food pyramids are pointy. Pointy and sharp.

80-71

80. Fighting someone else's war

At least you...no, that sucks.

79. Hit by a runaway train

Give those cleanup crews a fun time.

78. Pumice enema

Smooth move, Jethro.

77. Mooning a British Royal Guard

HEY! Whatever happened to stonefaced?

76. Exterminating gophers from a golf course with dynamite

Be prepared for retaliation.

75. Saving a Child's Life

Too bad. Just so happens the kid dies an hour later in the hospital.

74. Having your head smashed in with a Fender Stratocaster guitar wielded by Kurt Cobain.

That would ROCK!

73. Dying at a rock concert

Lots of ways to go out at those places, take your pick.

72. Being Stupid

Self Explanatory.

71. Potato Chopping accident

No Latkas for you!

70-61

70. Neon signs

Mmmm...juicy.

69. Needlestick injury

What are the odds of dying in a haystack?

Very high...

68. Electric Soldier Porygon

Yibbiblahbleberlblerh.

67. Cancer

66. Deja Vu

Holy shit!

65. Saving Private Ryan

FUBAR! FUBAR I say!

64. Mailing an envelope with a drawn stamp

So that's why the postie went crazy...

63. Eaten by a VCR

They're only supposed to eat bread...

62. Landmine hopscotch

It's a blast!

61. (Females only) - Parasites

Getting a tick in your box.

60-51

60. When this baby hits 88 miles an hour, you're gonna see some serious stuff

The Libyans! AAAAAAHHH!

59. Calmly walking on a ship

That's being blasted from all sides and is slowly sinking.

58. Dueling a Jedi

He summoned his master's lightsaber and sliced you in half (That's gonna hurt in the morning).

57. Stupid Idea

NO SHUT UP! THAT IDEA SUCKS!

56. Barrel Rolling

The spinning just won't stop!

55. Advanced case of Boogie Fever

Symptoms include spasms, foaming at the mouth, and explosive, spontaneous ejaculation resulting in 80% mortality rate.

54. Punching your current country's president in the face

Bonus points if your president is widely loved.

53. On your wedding day

"Till death do you part." Isn't it ironic?

52. Waking Cthulhu

"Did you cause the Apocalypse again?"

51. Vomitorium Attendant

... at Oktoberfest.

50-41

50. Swimming in vodka, then setting yourself on fire

The tricky part is lighting a lighter to set yourself on fire while drunk.

49. Tv stunt

go on the roof of your house and jump backwards with an old tv on top of you

48. Not wearing a space suit

Cause all the kids wanna hear about the corpse on the moon.

47. Starvation

Hollywood celebrities + Africa = Cool way to die.

46. Corn

Man: What a corny way to die!

Man is consumed and killed by corn

45. Shakespeare

Statistically, this affects high school students the most, because after high school no one reads Shakespeare.

44. Sticking your head in a microwave

Hint: It's a lot like putting a tomato in the microwave. Go ahead, try it!

43. Hit in the face with a microphone

Talking about my major bruising.

42. Mashy Spike Plate

You're just walking peacefully within the world of Portal when Wheatley takes over and kills you painfully with something he claims to have invented.

41. Cake

I regret to inform you that the cake is a lie

Just put chalk on the frosting and poison in the mix

40-31

40. Nazi death camp

If all those Jews did it, it must be cool.

39. So called..."heart disease"

The bullshit they come up with for money, am I right?

38. A Sniper

Who doesn't just wanna drop like a fly one day while walking down the street?

The criminals do it, why can't he?

37. Getting tag teamed by Superman and Batman

"Oh Em Gee! What a spiffy way to shuffle off the mortal coil!"

36. Playing The Sims Reality Expansion Pack

When your computer crashes, you get a heart attack.

35.5. Steal a Gravity Hammer

What's that beeping noise?

35. Feeling Lucky

Well do yah, punk?

34. Suppository C-4

Although you'll be forever commemorated in that Jackass movie you were making.

I guess he just missed all the signs.

33. Driving over the unfinished portion of a bridge

Lose your glasses, Gramps?

32. Paying for a television with cheddar on a Tuesday, in Sweden

Those crazy Swedes will use anything as an excuse, eh?

31. George Foreman Lean Mean Fat-Reducing Killing Machine

Knock out ALL the fat!

30-21

30. Gunned down by a plane in a corn field

The free popcorn alone is worth it.

29. Choking on the world's biggest ham sandwich

Freakin awesome.

28. Riding a skateboard naked and then flying away to a fast food restaurant and sticking on the window like a squashed bug to christian kids with their dad who's holding french fries then shouting "PENIS" and a sploding for no reason whatsoever.

Behold, thy greatest yet stupid death of thee.

27.5. Hanging, drawing and quartering yourself

Not actually part of this list, since most lists stick to whole numbers.

27. Celebrating your 21st birthday with 21 of anything on the menu

So long as it's a bar. That is unless you order cranberry juice. What, are you having your period?

26.5. Referencing The Departed

Well done. Well done, sir.

26. Stay behind and fight the zombies so the others can go ahead

...that was a bright move, Sparky...

25. Getting caught in the midst of the launch of July 4th fireworks

JIMMY, NOO--would ya look at that!

24. My name is Inigo Montoya

You killed my father. Prepare to die.

23.5. Ninjas

Thousands of them.

23. Orbital Ion Cannon aimed directly at you

You're just standing there, and then suddenly a beam of light comes down on your hea-->Fwooosh... KABOOM!!<

22. Catch-22

Trying to get grounded.

21. Suicide

It's your way of telling God "You can't fire me, I quit!"

20-11

20. Ripping your own brain stem out

Showoff.

19. The Truth Pole

I don't want to get into details, but it involves a big metal pole, your ass, and your own body weight.

18. Getting your hand caught in the teeth of a combine harvester

That's the way I want to go.

17. Boredom

"So, gentlemen, what do we do now?"

"We die."

16. Method acting

Make the death scene a memorable one.

15. Cyanide

"Mmmm, tastes like almonds!"

14. An erection lasting more than four hours

"You'd have been fine if you'd just gone to the freaking hospital."

13. Hemlock

Random Greek Guy: Is ingesting hemlock a good way to die?

Socrates: What do you think?

12. Being covered with tuna and thrown into a pit of hungry kittens

Aw, they're so cu-AAAAAAAAAGHHHH!!!

11. Mayonnaise inhalation

It can be deadly in large quantities.

10-1

10. Paint huffing

The death of champions.

9. Going on Wikipedia

Everyone knows its a communist's site made to melt our brains inside our skull

8. Being an hero

We have a lot of those, but it's a pretty good way to go, I understand.

7. Dying in your sleep

Not screaming like everyone else in the car.

6. Winning an old-school duel of playing dummy sticks with your arch-rival

She had it coming.

5. John Entwistle

Dying before you get old is worthless, especially if you're surrounded by whores and kittens.

4. While receiving fellatio

"Was it good for you, honey? Honey..."

3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820. Giving birth to a giant cactus through an eight-mile long, 2 centimeter wide penis

Even if you survive the pain, your precious penis will be in ruins.

3. Martyrdom

Everyone on your side KNOWS you were right.

Or when he wasn't good enough to kill you, and you had to pay for it (80% of teens get it)

2. Natural causes

Probably old age due to reading too many top 100 porn lists.

1. Joyness Overload

You get SO happy you die.