Worst 100 Songs To Have Sex To

See Unified Law of Subsequent Albums for more information on the scientific causes relating to music.

According to Madonna's True Word, the following are the worst 100* songs to get jiggy to. Readers are required to have their condoms to hand.

* Madonna does not care to count this list too closely, as she is too busy stealing African children.

The List

123. "There's a Bear in There" - Richard Connoly and Rosemary Milne

"Open wide, come inside. It's Play School"

122. Jaws Theme - John Williams

121-111

121. "Sugar Walls"- Sheena Easton

120. "Trololo" - Eduard Khil

119. "O'Children" - Nick Cave

118. "Think I'd Better Leave Right Now" - Will Young

117. "I Love You, You Love Me" - Barney

116. "Stairway to Heaven" - Led Zeppelin

115. "Jizz in My Pants" - The Lonely Island

114. "Keep it on Wax" - Alexisonfire

113. "Bite the Pain" - Death

112. "Tell Slater Not to Wash His Dick" – Bring Me The Horizon

111. "Already Over" -Red

110-101

110. "The Morning After" - Faith No More

109."Best of Both Worlds" - Hannah Montana

108. "Smack My Bitch Up" - The Prodigy

107. "Creep" - Radiohead

106. "Family Guy Theme Song" - Barney

105. "Maneater" - Hall & Oates

104. "How Do You Like Me Now? - Toby Keith

103. "We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off" - Jermaine Stewart

102. "Pretty Fly" - The Offspring (Give it to me baby..uh-huh, uh-huh.) I think you get the idea.

101. "We Didn't Start the Fire" - Billy Joel

100-91

100. "Four Sticks" - Led Zeppelin

99. "You Suffer" - Napalm Death

You'd have to be bloody quick to have sex to this!

98. "The Final Contdown" - Europe

97. "Revolution #9" - The Beatles

96. "Bleed it Out" - Linkin Park

I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, just to throw it away, just to throw it away, I bleed it out

95. "A Bitch is a Bitch" - NWA

94. "Take Me Down To Funky Town" - Lipps Inc.

93. "Raining Blood" - Slayer

92. "A Boy Named Sue" - Johnny Cash

91. "Cotton Eye Joe" - Rednex

90-81

90. "Come On Eileen" - Dexys Midnight Runners

89. "Can You Feel It" - The Jacksons

88. "To Rid the Disease" - Opeth

87. "I'll Be There For You" (The Theme Song from Friends) - The Rembrandts

86. "Ring Of Fire" - Johnny Cash

85. "Bone Broke" - The White Stripes

84. "The Hampster Dance" - Hampton the Hamster

83. "Safety Dance" - Men Without Hats

82. "I Want To Break Free" - Queen

81. "Dude Looks Like a Lady" - Aerosmith

80-71

80. "I Hate Everything About You" - Three Days Grace

79. "Surfing Bird" - The Trashmen

78. "The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down" - Cliff Friend and Dave Franklin

77. "Fake It" - Seether

76. "Folsom Prison Blues" - Johnny Cash

75. "I Am The Walrus" - The Beatles

74. "Silent Night"

73. "She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain"

72. "Crazy Bitch" - Buckcherry

71. "It's Raining Men" - The Weather Girls

70-61

70. "Doin' The Mess Around" - Ray Charles

69. "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" - Eiffel 65

68. "Rape Me" - Nirvana

67. "How Could This Happen To Me" - Simple Plan

67. "Who's Your Daddy?" - Toby Keith

66. "I Think I'm Going Bald" - Rush

65. "Dead Bodies Everywhere" - Korn

64. "Who Are You" - The Who

63. "Oh Yeah" - Yello (From Ferris Bueller's Day Off)

62. "Macho Man" - Village People

61. "4'33"" - John Cage

60-51

60. "Heaven Is One Step Away" - Eric Clapton

59. "Impossible Brutality" - Kreator

58. "He's A Radical Rat" - Samuel Asher-Weiss

57. "Excitable Boy" - Warren Zevon

56. "Sex, Murder, Art." - Slayer

55. "Phoenix (Basement Jaxx Remix)" - Daft Punk

54. "Who Wants To Live Forever" - Queen

53. "Pain" - Three Days Grace

52. "She's Got Balls" - AC/DC

51. "Only The Young" - Journey

50-41

50. "Strange Brew" - Cream

49. "It Don't Come Easy" - Ringo Starr

48. "Rock You Like a Hurricane" - The Scorpions

47. "I Ain't The One" - Lynyrd Skynyrd

46. "Cold As Ice" - Foreigner

45. "So Into You" - Atlanta Rhythm Section

44. "Party Boy Theme Song" from Jackass

43. "Remember Tomorrow" - Iron Maiden

42. "I Cum Blood" - Cannibal Corpse

41. "The Camera Eye" - Rush

40-31

40. "They're Gonna Taste Great" - Kellogs Frosties

39. "Old Man" - Neil Young

38. "Touch Me" - The Doors

37. "Fucked to Death" - Devourment

36. "For My Father" - Andy Mckee

35. "Pull the Plug" - Death

34. "The Bad Touch" - The Bloodhound Gang

33. "Chainsaw Gutsfuck" - Mayhem

32. "U Can't Touch This" - MC Hammer

31. "Virus Alert" - Weird Al Yankovic

30-21

30. "Bitch I'll Kill Ya" - Yung Dum Basturd

29."Land Down Under" - Men At Work

28. "Abducted" - Hypocrisy

27. "Strangers Like Me" - Phil Collins

26. "Monochromatic Stains" - Dark Tranquillity

25. "Taste My..." - Chimaira

24. "Die By the Sword" - Slayer

23. "Raped By The Light Of Christ" - At The Gates

22. "Coerced Coexistence" - In Flames

21. "Fuck Her Gently" - Tenacious D

20-11

20. "Don't Stand So Close To Me" - The Police

19. "Breaking Up Is Hard Do Do" - Neil Sedaka

18. "Somebody's Watching Me" - Rockwell

17. "I Get Around" - The Beach Boys

16. "April Come She Will" - Simon & Garfunkel

(especially if it's February)

15. "She Hates Me" - Puddle of Mudd

14. "Why Don't We Do It In The Road" - The Beatles

13. "Relax" - Frankie Goes To Hollywood

12. "Satisfaction" - (The Residents cover. The original Rolling Stones version is fine.)

11. "Peanut Butter Jelly Time"

10-1

10 "Violent Pornography" - System of a Down (Unless you're into that sort of thing.)

9. "Fuck A Dog" - blink-182

8. "Achy Breaky Heart" - Billy Ray Cyrus

7. "Loser" - Beck

6. "I Touch Myself" - Divinyls

5. "Doing Alright With The Boys" - Gary Glitter

4. "Spongebob Squarepants Theme Song" - Weird Al Yankovic

3. "Never Gonna Give You Up" - Rick Astley

2. "Distant Early Warning" - Rush

1. "Tormentor" - Kreator