Blink-182
blink-182 is a pop-punk-teenage-angst-latin-polkacore superbandgroup, hailing from The Land of Faggotry. The band currently consists of Thomas Matthew DeLongestPenisEver(LikeThat'sSupposedToMeanSomething?) (Or Tom DeLonge for short), Mark Hoppus, and Travi$$$ Barker.
Biography
Early career
blink-182 was formed as a homoerotic friendship in 1992 when Mark Hoppus met Tom Delonge at a bakery. The two realized they had a mutual interest in dying their hair blond and making variations of the word "boner". (Mark patented the word "bonerific" in 1996, claiming it is his most cherished contribution to humanity).
Being a big hit at Warped Tour, the band sold out in 1999 when Mark personally allowed each executive board member of MCA records to finger the hole in his penis, in exchange for a record deal and a cameo in American Pie. Half the songs off Enema of the State are based on the violations done to his penis by the record label.
182 apparently stands for the number of guitar lessons Tom took to learn the rhythm of "Mary had a little lamb" on his Stratocaster.
Break-up and Reformation
blink-182 broke up in 2005 when Tom wanted to use a picture of his daughter Ava (pronounced AVER) pooping in her diaper on the cover of the next blink album. The record company and his bandmates refused. An epic 17 hour long hissyfit ensued between Tom and Mark/Travi$$$, with Tom eventually walking out of the studio. He went missing for the next nine months. After Tom's departure, Mark told worried fangirls and emos that Tom was abducted by aliens, to avoid them finding out that their favorite band consisting of 43 year olds singing about tight dog assholes and proms did not break-up intentionally.
Mark and Travi$$$ continued to tour as blink-182, with two guitarists nobody cared about. Due to the ruthless and evil power of Gayffen records, the label censored the bands name to (+44), although everyone and their mother knew it was really blink-182 playing. blink's sixth album, When Your Fart Stops Stinking, was a massive failure commercially, although Travi$$$ made buttloads of money playing drums at a Soulja Boy gig, the first time a live instrument was played at a rap concert in recorded history.
As it turned out, Tom really was abducted by aliens when he walked out of the studio. The aliens took Tom aboard their spaceship, and proceeded to anally probe Tom's asshole (rumored to be tighter than a seven year old's) for the next four years. The aliens sent a clone of Tom down to earth nine months after blink's breakup to pretend Tom was still around. The clone Tom acted like a retard, and formed a band called Anals & Fartwaves. The aliens however wanted the world to think Tom had a epiphany, and became all serious and egotistical. The band was promptly renamed Angels & Airwaves, and clone Tom became a total dipshit.
Eventually, the aliens got bored with Tom's asshole, which became very loose. They agreed to bring him back to earth, in exchange for blink-182 to reform and make a sequel to the song "Aliens Exist". Blink reformed, and clone Tom was killed.
blink-182 is currently headlining a massive world tour. The 10 day, 4 city tour already sold 182 tickets.
In recent years, Travi$$$ has been spotted playing for many different artists trying to revive pop punk, mostly wannabes like Machine Gun Kelly.
New Album
blink-182 began working on the sequel to When Yout Fart Stops Stinking immediately after their reformation. In his everlasting desire to make more money, Travi$$$ wanted the band to appeal to a larger audience outside of just preteen girls, and decided to shift blink's genre from crappy punk rock to hip-hop/crunk. The album, originally titled Neighborhoods, was renamed Ghettos before it was released to reflect this change in direction of the band.
Ghettos was a massive failure, selling only 34 and a half illegal downloads upon its release. It is universally seen as an incredibly gay and uninspired album that is full of cheesy synths and stupid yodels. This led many to believe that clone Tom really isn't dead after all, and in fact is still producing shitty music, this time under the blink-182 name.
Morethansex
Blink-182 are masters of the "sex" movement. The sex movement surfaced in the early 19th century, and continues on to this day. It experienced a resurge in the late 90s from the advent of punkpop and emo bands. These bands preached sexing as members of other groups such as pornstars, but not really caring about that group's feelings or need for commitment. The sex movement is not as strong today as it was a few years ago, but it will probably resurface soon.
Burgers and Tramps
The crew of Blink-182 started up a fast food chain as a result of the Happy Meal Adventure. Don't ask!!! Along with venture capitalist Obi Wan Kenobi, they established chains in many major cities such as New Orleans, Paris and Birdies living room, making them three dollars and a few cents. The Canadian government saw this as an attempt to control the city of Atlantis, and sent each member (including leader Christina Aguilera) to Azkaban, where they would rot for eternity.
Vast Uncontrollable Swearing from the Mouth
Also known as the chronic disease of VUSM. This band had it bad, as do many other bands who decide to impress the innocent youth with foul language and implications. Though many people do not know it, all of blink 182's songs are about oral and anal sex except for two which are about suicide (family reunion, adams song) and one is about divorce (Stay Together for the Kids).
Sheila, how the fuck are ya?!?
Sheila is a ball of yarn that Tom found while on one of his nature hikes in the Northwestern part of the state of Nebraska. He picked the ball up, and said "Sheila, how the fuck are ya?!?" and brought her home with him. They currently have 3 children, which are all little hats that Tom knitted himself in the comfort of his home in Southern Chile.
Members
- Thomas Matthew DeLongestPenisEver - Guitar Hero controller, lead diarrhea giver, chief credit taker, Lead Banjo, Reason for Breakup. Tom likes to shit on stage. During the encore of concerts, he likes to invite kids from the mosh on stage to see if they can outshit him. None has beaten him so far. Besides shitting on stage and making jokes with his buddy Mark, he occasionally plays a song or two. He likes to wear his guitar down at his crotch, to cover up his everlong erection.
- Mark Hoppus - Base(NOT BASS), Lead tap dancer, and the guitars, that are like, double guitars, ya know? Mark did estrogen while other bands used weed and coke. Also is an advocate for small penises, claiming "it doesn't matter that I'm lacking in the bulge." Tom disagrees.
- Travi$$$ Barker - Drumsticks(the chicken kind), Lead Tattoos. Travi$$$ is usually late to concerts, cause he is too preoccupied producing singles for his main nigga Soulja Boy. Because of this, Mark and Tom usually end up playing 90% of the songs without him in concert. Recently got a tattoo of Jesus on his scrotum, so that people can worship his balls.
TOURING MEMBERS
- Scott Raynor - Alcoholic drummer, with wooden acting skills
- Mark's Asian Friend- High pitched squeals, gongs
- Peyton Manning- Lyrics, writes the jokes Mark and Tom say on stage
- Mr. Invisible - pianist, DJ, bass, vocals, drums, guitar, dancer, keyboard, flute, bongo drums, (too bad no one can see him play so he never gets any credit for his work...)
- The other guy that no one can see - Second guitar on live album that "isn't there"
- Jesse Harrison (see Australian)- flatulence
- Some hobo they picked up from the street