Uncyclopedia:Foreign Office/-Nederlands
Since not many people speak Dutch (well, 25 million is not that bad) I'll try to give translations of pices of our articles. These aren't the complete articles; I will only do those when someone pays a considerate interest (as in "we'd like that on our site") Also, I will only translate into English (only language I can translate into.) | User:Lars863/sig | 20:53, 15 August 2009 (UTC)
Willem van Oranje (William of Orange)[edit]
Willem the Silent van Oranje (Dillenburg, 1533 — Delft, 1584), also known as Che Orange and in the Netherlands known as Father of the Fatherland was a Dutch communist revolutionary and a guerilla fighter. He got his nickname Che after a meeting of the States-General, when, after the announcement of a tax raise, he showed his frustration: “Tja”, which is Dutch for Well, I'm pretty helpless in this one, so I don't know what to do either![1] A Spanish spy heard this and wrote it down as Che. The word became popular during the Dutch Revolt in both the Netherlands and Spain.
Willem van Oranje was the leader of the Revolutionary Union of Utrecht (RUU), the party that took control of the Netherlands in 1581. After becoming the first president of the Dutch Free State, the Spanish King Philip II declared Willem wanted. Even though the Spanish Inquisition wanted to keep him alive and interrogate him, a French bounty hunter killed Willem in 1584.
One of Willem's quotes was “Who do those royal freaks think they are to kill innocent people, just because they have other ideas?” He said this explaining his greivances towards the Spanish King. Willem's motto was Je maintiendrai (Ik zal handhaven in Dutch.)
Life stages[edit]
According to Jan de Vries, professor of History at the University of Amsterdam, Van Oranje's life can be divided into the following stages:
- Birth
- Youth
- College
- Resistance
- President
- Death[2]
Most biographers use this method to record Van Oranje's life.
Youth[edit]
Willem was born the oldest son of Willem van Oranje sr., a wealthy tanner from Dillenburg, Germany, and Julie Dumontstolle, a bourgeoisie lady.
Willem's birth certificate is believed to have been forged to cover up the fact that Dumontstolle got pregnant before marriage.
Willem had four brothers:
- Jan Average van Oranje.
- Lodewijk l'État van Oranje.
- Adolf the Hating van Oranje.
- Hendrik van Oranje, the Unimportant One.
He also had seven sisters.
Willem read a lot of books, which was a family habit. Not just books like Sigmund Freud's or Karl Marx', but also works like Les trois mousquetaires and Robinson Crusoë.
When Willem was 15 years old, his father wanted to hand over the company to him. The judge gave permission, but did demand Willem to attend a capitalist school in Groningen. Willem proved to be a true diplomat and to express his ideas exceptionally well, which drew the attention of his friends and opponents.
King Carlos V of Spain had great faith in Willem. When he abdicated , he leaned on Willem's shoulders and he once told his son:
| “ | Sonny, this bloke's gonna be yer best Advisor. Keep'n eye'n'm, sonny! | ” |
— Carlos V of Spain
|
Shortly after the crowning of Philip II, Willem made a trip through the Netherlands, with his friend and revolutionary Albert Granaat, whose goal it was to visit the leprosy hospitals in Antwerpen, Den Helder, and other cities. The trip had a total distance of 1,200 kilometres.
Footnotes[edit]
Bretagne (Brittany)[edit]
- Uncyclopedia (English) - El Sid appearantly wants to collect a Best of.
La Colonie de la Bretagne-Française Brittany | |||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
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| Motto: Vivêz Breezer | |||||
| Anthem: Vivel an Britoneñ | |||||
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| Capital | Goùrês (Rennes) | ||||
| Largest city | Goùrês (Rennes) | ||||
| Official language(s) | French | ||||
| Government | Region of France | ||||
| National hero(es) | Ja'nn "Añtê-Vichy'nn" Ildra'nn | ||||
| Currency | Euro | ||||
| Religion | Bretism | ||||
Brittany (Breton: Breezer) is a French region on the Isle of Britain. It consists of the provinces of Côte d'Azur, Finish, Île du Vin en Morbihan. Up till 1941, Atlantis was also part of Brittany, then it got taken by the nazis. Still, a lot of people regard Atlantis part of Brittany. Brittany used to be part of Britain.
History[edit]
Stone Age[edit]
At the time of the New Lithium, more and more people came to Brittany to trade dynamite. These peoples were known as the megafaggots, as they were very peaceful for those times.
They were known for their stable social structure. They built huge maze-like graveyards near Soùrmilc, called dolmens.
Celts[edit]
- See Gaul for the main article on this subject
Romans[edit]
In the year 50 BC Caesar's troops occupied Azurica (as the region was called) and the rest of Britannica. Only Venice, a small settlement, resisted. After this great conquest, Caesar speeched saying:
| “ | Lorem Ipsum | ” |
— Caesar
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While swimming pools and holiday resorts showed the Roman influence, Sophia and Jesus were prayed to together.
When the Roman Empire began collapsing, the region became instable. Frankish and Saxon took pieces of land and the locals fled to further inland. The coastline wasn't protected well enough. By the beginning of the 5th century a large part of Azurica had fallen into the sea.
The Breton Empire[edit]
The Britons successfully defended their land against the Saxons, who ruled Cornwall, from 600 to 1000. The Groomer dynasty tried to occupy the land many times, but Brittany remained sovereign. Local leaders made laws and kept justice in their towns. One king made a defence buffer, called Hadrian's Wall and in the ninth century, the Britons made a Breton Empire.
The Legos started attacking. They fared to Breton ports, raided towns, destroyed castles and monestaries and grew apple trees. Many people fled to Cornwall and hell broke loose when the third Emperor was killed, but King Raspberry III restored peace when he defeated the Legos near the capital city. The Legos were exiled to Wales, where their apple harvests got less rich.
Fight for the Breton Crown[edit]
In the fourteenth century, Brittany was claimed by two families and the resulting war became part of the 100 Years' War, as the families were supported by France and England. Charles the Blushing won in the end, making Brittany a British protectorate.
However, an English Brittany didn't stand a chance when Louis XI started his Conquering Quest. As soon as the French independant lands, like Walloon and Corsica had been downed, Louis' armies went for the English protectorates. In the 1490s, the Breton king had to give up, but unfortunately, he had no up, so he was killed on the spot.
The annexation didn't mean anything for the Breton people. Just like before, the rulers had contacts negotiated with local mafia and there was a Breton Council, in which the normal people weren't represented.
Language[edit]
The Breton language is the original language of Brittany. Most of the vocabulary seems to be a mix of English and French, but actually the latter two are mostly based on Bretonic. However, Bretonic is being threatened, because it is only legal to have French classes in schools. The amount of people who speak Bretonic and not French is less than one hundred and the language is only used at home.
Categories[edit]
- Region
- Things no-one cares about
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