Brigitte Bardot
“I'm French and sexy. Weep Anglo-Saxons!”
Brigitte Bardot (1934-2025) was a French sex kitten who turned into a rancid old moggie in her later years. The woman who convinced men around the world that a pout, a pose and provocation was enough to make a fantasy be turned into female flesh. She was unlike the Hollywood production actresses like Jayne Mansfield and Marilyn Monroe or her Italian rival Sophia Loren. Bardot had the looks. In France she known as a singer but when she turned 40 and finished her career in bed with Jane Birkin. Bardot like Greta Garbo said 'non' and hung up her outfits to become a dog hugger.
Back story[edit]
Too young to be active in the French Resistance in World War Two, Bardot chose to be a ballet dancer instead. However as her figure filled out, Bardot realised she was getting far more notice for her tétons than her ballet En pointe. This got her some magazine covers and a role as a teenage temptress in Mammalia: The Hottie in a Bikini. This gained the attention of Kirk Douglas who had her cast a fourth French filly. A more substantial role came from a British film production Doctor Seasick which saw her tempting Dirk Bogarde in a shower scene. Bardot's 'oh-la-la' French accent was very appealing to English ears but she got no further roles. Bardot proved she could appear handle in English language roles but no other interesting film roles were coming her way.
Shortly after finishing her film work in England, Bardot she met a French cinema nerd called Roger Vadim. He said something in French and wanted to take BB's cheri. Her parents said NON! and told their daughter she would be after her 18th birthday. Bardot believed Vadim's flannel he could turn her into the greatest French woman since Joan of Arc. Bardot married Vadim. She wanted to get away from home and wanted to explore the physical side of love without religious/social hang ups.
Notoriety[edit]
Vadim persuaded Bardot to move to St. Tropez and make a nuisance of herself at the Cannes Film Festival. But first they needed to make a movie together to promote. Leafing through his Bible, Vadim decided to re-create the Garden of Eden and have Bardot as a nature intended. Mainly nude and shoeless, and just to make everyone doubly aware, she was called Juliette. Vadim originally wanted to play the romantic lead but was talked out of it and instead kept to directing. The finished film titled And God Invented Eye Candy was considered 'wanton' when seen outside France and heavily censored in the USA. It made Bardot a star.
Bardot and the Collapse of France[edit]
The impact of Bardot was immediate. Every man in France wanted to make love to her and every woman wanted to be her. This effected everything in France as the country's economic and political system collapsed. The Frence Fourth Republic was destroyed and Charles de Gaulle came to power. Bardot welcomed the change. She was going to be the face and voice of a new France. She was going to sing and become a le Pop Star. Roger Vadim had to go. And he did. Bardot divorced him but in a typical French compromise, decided she could work professionally with Vadim if required.
Bardot's films were very French during this time. They did well in her home country and other places where armies of Bardot voice artists got her talking in Italian, Spanish and German. English speaking audiences preferred subtitles to dubbing, on the grounds of 'authenticity'. In Viva Revolution! as a burlesque dancer involved in a Central American Revolution (not Mexico), Bardot and her co-star Jeanne Moreau sing in various languages and shoot people. However, when it came to speaking, their voices were dubbed into a broad Bronx accent. Unusually the British are the bad guys in this film except they all appear to be black.
Bardot and James Bond[edit]
The film makers behind James Bond wanted Bardot to co-star with Sean Connery. But the deal never materialised, probably because Bardot demanded equal billing with Connery. A woman's place in a Bond film was to give her body and soul to 007. This indeed was done many years later by another French actress Eva Green but this was the 1960s.
When Bardot decided not to be Bond Babe, instead it was Connery who decided that neither did he want to remain the secret agent either and passed on the next dose of Bondage. Instead he would work with the French star. This would be Bardot's rate excursion into an English speaking role. It would be filmed in the 'New West', aka Fascist Spain because it was cheap and Clint Eastwood wouldn't be there with his poncho mucking up the place.
The film they make was titled Shellacking. Connery grew a moustache and then had to shave it off as it made him look 'too goofy'. The movie also included Honor 'Grab them by the Pussy Galore' Blackman in a supporting role. There were no native Americans involved in the film (this was Spain after all) and instead lean Roma horsemen were used as Apaches. As there was another film being shot at the same locations (set in World War Two), the competing film crews had to make sure no fake Apaches were seen charging at tanks or the SAS planting mines under Bardot's voluminous skirt.
In Bed with Birkin[edit]
Bardot was pleased that her film with Connery had been a commercial success (it broke even) but was growing tired of film making. She had worked with many film directors. Her ex-husband Vadim was keen to cast Bardot as Bardotrella in a film of the same name. When she declined to do it (too many nude scenes), Vadim appealed to his wife Jane Fonda to star in it. Being more game than Bardot, Fonda agreed. The title was changed to 'Barbarella' in honour of Barbra Streisand. Fonda said she was embarrassed working on the film but it has remained a firm favourite with her fans.
In contrast to Fonda's rise in popularity, Bardot began to feel that soon she would be too old to play a coquettish role. In the early 1970s her number of animal pets increased to Elizabeth Taylor dimensions. Bardot felt it was time she supported her 'babies' and would quit film making. She had one last film to make. Vadim - aware that Bardot was about to hang up her bra for good - cast her in the film If Don Juan was a Woman Would It Make Her Your Mother?. The film appeared to a comedy-parody. Bardot was now the legendary lover with an appetite for all sexes. It was this and working with the adopted French star Jane Birkin that persuaded Bardot to share a sex scene with Birkin. The film's salacious take on the story and the full-on nudity gave Bardot her last film hit. One more film followed titled Romping in the 15th century which saw teaching 'life classes'. Shortly after that Bardot took her clothes off for Playboy magazine aged 39.
Retirement, Racism and Dogs[edit]
Though Bardot said she had retired from acting, there was always the belief (at least in France) that 'BB' would come back. She never did. She made one last film Bardot did work with Serge Gainsbourg on songs like Je T'Aime (English title: A Four Minute Minute Orgasm but told the chain smoking composer to suppress this version. Instead Bardot's bed companion Jane Birkin got that song instead.
For a while Bardot kept busy supplying food for her collection of English Setters. She became a vegetarian and told the French to abandon their taste for horse meat. All these appeared to be worthy issues but then Bardot condemned ritual animal slaughter. This alienated both Jews and Muslims and then tripped over into radical right French politics complaining about foreigners. Bardot kept getting fined and then repeating the same statements elsewhere.
Death[edit]
Bardot died in December 2025. Almost to the end she remained active and something of a crazy petitioner. But when she died, her country said she had been one of a kind. And no one can dispute that!
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
