West
West is a word that has several meanings, which is not to imply any hidden sexual connotations, known or as of yet unknown, but that west has several meanings. West has five mean innies—err, I mean...meanings:
Orienteering[edit]
West is most commonly used as a direction. It is one of the four cardinal directions one can travel, opposite of East, 90 degrees left of North, and South's roommate. In contrast to the other directions, however, West did not get its name from a Norse god; the word "West" is actually derived from a mis-hearing of "oiliest", a term frequently used to describe those living in that direction. The direction was discovered and named after the famous cartographer Adam Oiliest in the late 1700s, during the tail-end of the Enlightenment.
West as a direction is commonly located on the left side of a map, or at the top of the map if you hold it the wrong way. As a species, it is one of the more common cardinal directions and is frequently seen extracting nectar from compass roses. They commonly don't want people going west because it is the shortest way to the end, but it is the most dangerous. The last person who went west seems to have vanished.
The most Western point on most standard maps is known as the West Pole. If you are going West, and happen to cross the West Pole, you will start heading East. This system was put in place by God to stop people abusing the time zones for time travel related purposes. However, it was a waste of effort on His part, as humans only went and stole a TARDIS off those damn Timelords anyway.
Text games[edit]
In the early years of computer games, text was used instead of graphics. Often the player finds themselves in a circular room, with doors to the North, East, South-South-East, and West. Commonly the easiest way to move was to type "Go West", invariably leading to either a dingy forest or some uninteresting rolling hills, until you somehow managed to get a message like "You fall into a pit and die." No one knows how this happened but it just did.
Wes[edit]
West is the past-tense of "Wes". Some names need a past-tense form, so you can tell if they're dead. You can avoid having to use the uncomfortable term "late", or "late, great", or "Late Breaking" before speaking about someone who's dead.
| “ | Example: Ralf (alive), Ralft (dead) Bossman: "Has anyone seen Ralf?" Jane in AR: "Raflt." Bossman: "Oh...I'll send a toaster to the next of kin." |
” |
Lest we[edit]
Future English variant of "Lest we...". Much easier to say, even if the words sound inverted. And due to the influx of poor-quality video game translations, it's bound to happen. So now why not?
| “ | Jane in AR: "West forget that West the other day." Bossman: "Terrible, terrible. A toaster in the bathtub, who would have thought?" |
” |
We Street[edit]
Short for "We Street", a dual-carriageway in Washington, D.C. It's next to I Street, which is a one-way street with selfish drivers. This is because there's no traffic lights on it.
| “ | Jane in AR: "Damn toasters in the road!" Bossman: "West is known for that. Take the Metro instead, you crybaby." |
” |
| The Seven Directions of Travel: | ||||||||||||
| North | ||||||||||||
| East | Home | West | ||||||||||
| South | ||||||||||||
| Milky Way | ||||||||||||
| Far Far Away | ||||||||||||