Ten Commandments

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The Ten Commandments are found in the Old Testament (in the books of Moses), Mad Magazine, and Hustler, although the original copyright is now expired. In the Bible they are recorded twice in the Pentateuch (Exodus 20, Deuteronomy 5, which means Exodus goes through to the next round). The versions in all these publications don't quite match up. We've tried to take a good average.

The are many clues that the 10 commandments existed before the exodus and "sins" are identified, suggesting there is a law. The Sabbath was made on the seventh-day of creation, Adam and Eve weren't supposed to assume they could be gods (the forbidden "fruit" of egoism), and Cain played "god" by thinking he could work for his salvation and then got pissed at his brother for being so humble. The ten commandments are simply principles of sustaining life and to break them would cause death.

There were originally fifteen commandments but Moses, having sore fingers from chiselling three slabs of rock, dropped a tablet. Through the rest of exodus, Moses is known as "butterfingers." [citation needed]

The Commandments[edit]

While there are numerous variants of the commandments, according to biblical scholar and voice of God in the movie the Ten Commandments, Cecil B. DeMille, these are the commandments that have passed the MPAA Board for wholesomeness:

  1. Thou shalt have no other gods before Me (or after)
  2. Thou shalt not make for yourself an idol (or an American Idol)
  3. Thou shalt not make wrongful use of the name of your God (No kidding, this really riles me.)
  4. Remember the Sabbath and keep it Black (unless you need a gallon of milk or a sweater at Macy's)
  5. Thou shalt honor thy father and mother (Even if they drank, starred in Mildred Pierce, or filled your head with lies, they are still your parents. Don't make them my problem.)
  6. Thou shalt not murder. (Killing is fine, but murder is premeditated and therefore wrong.)
  7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. (Screw around as much as you like, but once you are legally married stop it.)
  8. Thou shalt not steal. (If it isn't yours don't take it, Mister Sticky-fingers.)
  9. Thou shalt not repeat thyself for repetition is repetitive and very annoying.
  10. Thou shalt not bear false witness. (Don't lie. Not even if your wife asks you if you like her homemade mashed potatoes. Be brutally honest.)
  11. Thou shalt not covet your neighbor's house, belongings, or wife. (Your neighbor's husband is fine, just don't mess with his wife. So if she covets you and she's married, you lose. If a widow covets you, then go get yourself some.)

Table of corresponding sins[edit]

This is modern analysis of ancient tables of so-called experts of Dead Sea Wikipedia. There were 18 or so separate spare commandment parts with three possible ways how to enumerate them originally, but none of them made any sense, because of mistranslation of old Aramaic metaphors. At last they are assembled in ten groups with colour code as follows:

Red numers - numbers of Cylons without their proper articles yet.

Pink background - for different religions these may differ, but that does not matter, since all religions are in state of perpetual sin to each other.

no. simplesimple english translation sin
1. no gods religious belief
2. no idolatry ridiculous belief
3. no God monoteaistic belief
4. take a break every once in a while workaholism
5. let young people take care of old people Social Security
6. do not murder murder
7. do not cheat possibility of procreation of another sinner
8. do not steal from poor people poorer people (It's questionable whether that to be or not to be a sin after all,
but certainly that's not nice at all neither.)
9. give only scientific evidence creationism, alarmism, politics etc.
10. do not envy low self-esteem

As you can see, most of worst sins are all under number nine.


Recently, Moses filed a lawsuit against God claiming that God transferred the copyright to him when he gave him the Ten Commandments on Mount Sinai. However, God, who was in a defensive position for the first time in his life, argued that the Ten Commandments were only fair use. The Lawsuit was won in favor of Moses in which God proceeded to license it under a GNU Free Document License. The original copyright was renewed eight times at the Library of Congress, and is still under perpetual royal copyright by the British crown.

See also[edit]