Discworld
“ook”
The Disc (that really big thing held up by a turtle and four elephants) "The Land of Disco" Discworld | |||
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| Motto: "You Should Be Dancing" | |||
| Anthem: "Le Freak" | |||
| Capital | Ankh-Morpork | ||
| Previous capital | Tsort | ||
| Largest city | Ankh-Morpork | ||
| Official language(s) | Morporkian, Djelian, Agatean, Latatean, Llamadese, Gnomish, Dwarfish | ||
| Government | Tyranny | ||
| Patrician | Lord Haverlock Vetinari | ||
| ‑ Pharaoh | Pteppic | ||
| ‑ Other King | Verence of Lancre | ||
| ‑ King of Gods | Blind Io | ||
| National hero(es) | Captain Carrot, Cohen the Barbarian | ||
| Established | 1983 | ||
| Currency | Ankh-Morpork Dollar ( AM$ ) | ||
| Area | Radius is 5,000 miles, Area for a circle is Pi*r*r. You work it out. Remember to correct for mountains. | ||
| Population density | Trolls tend to be quite dense. However, this is speciesm and I really did not just say that. So let's just leave it at that, okay? | ||
| Ethnic groups | Dwarf: 29%; Troll:15%; Golem: 2.3%; Gargoyle: 2.3%; Wizard: 29.7%; Witch: 0.1%; Human: 0.7%; Undead (All species): 20%; God: 2.768939%; Other: Nobby Nobbs, Luggage | ||
| National animal | That dog in the window | ||
Discworld is a planet that was discovered near the star G-890 by the space probe Potent Voyager in 1974. It has been the subject of a series of non-fiction exposés by anthropologist Terry Pratchett.
Discworld (world)[edit]
The Discworld is a flat, disc-shaped planet that rests on four giraffes standing on a giant turtle named Galactus who eats planets and poops out black holes. Some disc citizens complain that the latter part "really sucks", but most inhabitants live contently. That is, until turtle mating season comes and the disc is destroyed in a cataclysmic event known as the "Big Bang".
Zecariah Endrikat, a scientist and spokesperson for NASA, has been quoted as saying, "The Discworld is an impossibility. It contradicts the laws of physics, biology, and Argentina (which forbid turtles larger than 12 metres in diameter). It cannot exist. It should not exist. And, when the government approves our funding for the development of a long range nuclear missile, it will not exist either."
However, some scientists, including biologist Fred Jones, say otherwise. According to Jones, "All life found on the surface of Discworld is able to flawlessly perform the cha cha and this remarkable feat deserves to be preserved." Others say this is just further evidence that Dr Endrikat's plan is a good one.
Death[edit]
Most Discworlders are so stupid, they don't know how to die. So an army of Grim Reaper bots were created to help people in the dying process. Though effecient in their tasks, the robots have reportedly had numerous glitches, such as the tendency to SPEAK IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. This may be due to their computerized brains being stuck on caps lock.
Other glitches include blue, glowing eyes; owning pet rats; adopting daughters; liking kittens; and naming their horses "Binky". There are new, upgraded models coming up, but experts speculate that they will be too smoky and dramatic.
Economy[edit]
The economy of Discworld is divided into two main factions: 1. Those who make a honest living through hard work and 2. The people who steal from the first half and have a lot more fun. For centuries, the latter faction was dominated by barbarians who were called "Heroes", despite the fact that they robbed, murdered, and raped anyone they wanted. But with the decline of Heroes, came the rise of the Thieves Guild, which legalized crime. Discworld is also the place in which Capitalism was invented. The Disc salesmen have perfected a technique of using toxic sausages which produce noxious fumes that disable the customer's sense of better judgement. The customer is then vulnerable to the salesman's merciless talk of buying useless junk, and returns home much poorer. The secret ingredients of the sausages are held by the mighty Dibbler clan, who pull the strings of the economy of Discworld.
Government[edit]
The government of Discworld is run on a "one man, one vote" process. The current leader is Lord Vetinari. He is the man, and he has the vote.
Technology[edit]
The Discworld is home to many brilliant inventors, but unfortunately, whenever they invent something cool like moving pictures, the jealous wizards ban their inventions on the basis of it causing problems with reality. A few lucky engineers were enslaved by the Patrician, but these were more interested in painting, with inventing being just a side hobby. One exception however, was the famous "Bloody Stupid" Johnson, who specialized in making things do what they're not supposed to do. It was not a simple matter of just making something inoperable; any idiot amateur can do that. But with Johnson's brilliant mind, a dishwasher could shoot fireworks, or a lever could act as a levee, or a pie could be equal to exactly 3.
Discworld (books)[edit]
There has been very little exploration of Discworld to date, a fact that might have had something to do with Discworld being about 35 billion miles away from the Earth. However, some exploration has been done by famed anthropologist and biographer Terry Pratchett.
Pratchett, who previously worked at a nuclear power plant, had mutated to the extent that he could travel to Discworld in a matter of minutes. He used this talent to research the world and write a series of books documenting his discoveries. His first book explained the Colour of Magic followed up by a thesis which stated that Light was indeed Fantastic. Other famous books include Gords! Gords!, Mundane Times, Weeping Man, and Bizzare Brothers.
The books are known for their ingenious and disturbing recitation of the facts as well as their unhealthy obsession with orangutans. Jane Goodall has been quoted as saying "I like orangutans along with all other monkeys and all. but the man has got to know when to stop." Reports that Goodall was nearly beaten to death by a mysterious ape who emerged from between the shelves of her personal library remain unconfirmed. When a reporter asked a local monkey leader to comment he replied "Ook." This roughly translates to "Don't call me a monkey. I am an ape, thank you very much." (Note: The reporter was later found with his head turned around backwards, and surrounded by banana peels.)
Despite these criticisms, the books have become required reading for all university courses on astrozoology and magic.
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