Unquotable:Captain Oblivious

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Captain Oblivious to the rescue?

Captain Oblivious is a superhero renowned for his failure to comprehend what is going on around him. Experts are extremely unsure about the origin of Captain Oblivious. When interviewed about this, as all superheroes are, he was found to be unsure of this himself, and only after hours of Interview -- they had to repeatedly explain to him that an interview was taking place -- did they learn nothing. What is known is that his name has been whispered in the darkened corners of the Internet since the Internet went online, and that his life is shrouded in mystery. Even to him.

Captain Oblivious has gained himself fame, but he has never realised and he probably never will.

He is one of the Obious "twins", the other being Captain Obvious. Doubt is still held as to the exact nature of these so-called twins, however, due to disparaging stories from both of these heroes. Oblivious has stated on the record: "Captain Obvious says we're related, and he seems to know a lot about our mutual childhood. Why, I don't know."

Captain Obvious verified this in his own autobiography where in page 2 he writes: "He doesn't know I am a superhero. He probably doesn't know he is a superhero himself."

“Here are the contents.”

~ Captain Obvious on Captain Oblivious's Uncyclopedia page


~ Captain Oblivious on the contents

Don't Be Oblivious and Do the Obvious by Confusing Captain Oblivious with Captain Obvious[edit]

Captain Oblivious is not to be confused with Captain Obvious, who may or may not be his twin brother, as Captain Oblivious mentions in page 1 of his 2 page autobiography:

“Captain Obvious says we're related, and he seems to know a lot about our mutual childhood. Why, I don't know.”

~ Captain Oblivious

Captain Obvious verified this in his own autobiography where in page 2 he writes:

“He doesn't know I am a superhero. He probably doesn't know he is a superhero himself.”

~ Captain Obvious on why his brother doesn't know him

The Oblivious Offspring[edit]

Captain Oblivious Jr. aka The Riddler.

“I have a son?”

~ Captain Oblivious on having a son

“What I really miss about my childhood is going fishing with my father without a rod. Or a boat. Or my father.”

~ The Riddler on his childhood

Captain Oblivious has a son, whom he forgets procreating. Naturally the identity of The Riddler's mother escapes Captain Oblivious, as does the whereabouts of his beloved son. Captain Oblivious also remains oblivious of the fact that The Riddler had a career as an arch-enemy of Batman. Eventually The Riddler got fired because he wore too stupid a costume, and nowadays he is pestering his poor father by sending him riddles such as:

Riddle me this, riddle me that
What kind of dad forgets his own brat?

Education and Work History[edit]

Captain Oblivious is a freelance superhero constantly moving between superhero groups. He usually winds up kicked out after no longer than six months due to his unique condition, which is best described in his own words:

“People get really annoyed at me for some reason. I... wait a second, is today Tuesday? Was I supposed to be saving Earth today? Where am I? What is this stuff?”

~ Captain Oblivious on being interviewed in a vat of acid

He first rose through the ranks of Professor Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters to join the X-Men. He also possesses several superpowers, including flight, although he is often seen taking a taxi for an unknown reason. His special ability is to forget his own name.

“I forget my name? When?”

~ Captain Oblivious on The above paragraph

“All the time.”

~ Captain Obvious on The above quote

“What time?”

~ Captain Oblivious on The above quote

He was first brought into to the X-Men because otherwise he'd still be wandering around Xavier's mansion. Prof. X recommended they give him something to do.

He was later expelled from the X-Men due to his numerous bouts of obliviousness. The final straw came when Magneto crumpled the X-Men's headquarters with his mind after Captain Oblivious told him where it was.

“Was that a secret? I thought it was pretty well-known. I mean, otherwise he could have done that at any time, right?”

~ Captain Oblivious

After he was kicked out of the X-Men, he went on to do some solo stuff, until he met his sidekick, Mr. Notice. A year later, Mr. Notice quit because he got annoyed that Captain Oblivious was not doing any work.

“You said that at the top.”

~ Mr. Notice on the above text

“I had a sidekick?”

~ Captain Oblivious on Mr Notice


January 18th, 2003, Captain Oblivious was arrested with over 50 kilograms of narcotics in his possession, and was charged with possesion with intent to sell. He pleaded not guilty under advice from counsel, but the verdict was quickly reached, by way of this exchange, provided by the stenographer:

Judge Reinhold - Captain Oblivious, do you understand the charges against you?
Captain Oblivious - No.
JR - You are being charged with possession with intent to sell.
CO - Possession of what?
JR - Illegal narcotics.
CO - What makes them illegal?
JR - (amazed by stupidity) By definition. Now do you understand the charges?
CO - What charges?
JR - (pause, look of disbelief) Possession of illegal narcotics with intent to sell.
CO - Not guilty, your honor.
JR - By way of?
CO - (confused pause)
JR - Why are you pleading not guilty? The police found over 50 kilograms of narcotics.
CO - Well, unless I've missed something in the facts, which I don't think I have, I never intended to sell it.
JR - (angered) Are you fucking retarded?
CO - Who?
JR - YOU!!!
CO - You?
JR - Holy Shit!
CO - Shit is holy?
JR - Jesus Christ!
CO - Jesus is here?
JR - NO!
Jesus - Yes, I am.
CO - How the hell...?
J - (whispers to himself) Nice job with this one, dad!
CO - Who's guilty?

Quotes on Record from Captain Oblivious[edit]

“There is an article about who?”

~ Captain Oblivious

“This is an article about Captain Oblivious!”

~ Captain Obvious

“James Madison is the shortest of all the US Presidents to date.”

~ Captain Irrelevant on Captain Oblivious

“This article should be about me!”

~ Captain Selfish on this article

“Nobody mentioned there was going to be an article about me?”

~ Captain Oblivious on reading this article


~ Captain Oblivious on Captain Oblivious/above quote

“What do you mean 'There is an article about you'?”

~ Captain Oblivious on Himself

“Is this quote in the right section?”

~ Captain Oblivious on the above quote

“What one?”

~ Captain Oblivious


~ Captain Oblivious on exclamation points

“Man, I love trolls”

~ Captain Oblivious on going to watch Troll 2

“Mmmmm, cake!”

~ Captain Oblivious on Pie

“But I pee with that thing!”

~ Captain Oblivious on Sex

“Really?! Since when?”

~ Captain Oblivious on his family

“They don't taste of butter?!”

~ Captain Oblivious on butterfly

“Elton John is gay?!”

~ Captain Oblivious on Elton John

“It's still illegal even when the president does it?”

~ Captain Oblivious on Watergate

“I don't remember my house being this small. Oh well”

~ Captain Oblivious on getting lost again

“Queen me!”

~ Captain Oblivious on getting pwned

“I understand, I have a checkered past as well. I used to play checkers all the time at the park.”

~ Captain Oblivious on coworkers prison record

“Where do you put the paper into this type writer?”

~ Captain Oblivious on keyboards

“This red button?”

~ Captain Oblivious on "press the red button" Cable TV screens


~ Captain Oblivious after babysitting

“I bet that thing works!”

~ Captain Oblivious on watching the sham-wow commercial

“I bet that thing works!”

~ Captain Oblivious on watching any commercial

“What? You mean to tell me killing the families of terrorists in retaliation for attacks is a war crime under the Geneva convention?”

~ Caption Oblivious on war on terra

“Nobody cares about that”

~ Captain Oblivious on Pop culture

“I'm scared! It's all downhill from here!”

~ Captain Oblivious on winning something



“I don't remember agreeing to this”

~ Captain Oblivious on watching the movie Memento

“When I sit down, I hear farting, only I didn't fart? Doc what does it mean?”

~ Captain Oblivious on woopie cushions

“... I'm blind!!!”

~ Captain Oblivious on sleeping

“There's going to be a quote below this?”

~ Captain Oblivious on the next quote

“Wow, I swear I didn't see that coming”

~ Captain Oblivious on the above quote

“Seriously? Fish swim ALL THE TIME?”

~ Captain Oblivious on Fish

“Who's Chuck Norris? I could probably take 'em. sounds like a pussy”

~ Captain Oblivious on Chuck Norris

“In any given right-angled triangle, the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the opposite and adjacent sides”

~ Captain Oblivious on Blacking Out

“What does that mean?”

~ Captain Oblivious on the above quote