Unquotable:Albert Einstein

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"Do you like the new 'do? I think it makes me look a bit, I don't know... silly."
"You're a fool if you even look at this picture."

Like most people, Albert Einstein was born, however, he was born with a full set of teeth and a head of grey hair. This is why he is never pictured without them, even in pictures of him when he was "younger". Many feel that he is, in fact, immortal, and simply emerged from his mothers womb after a bet with some drinking buddies. Like Oscar Wilde, Winston Churchill, God, and Christopher Walken, Albert Einstein is often misquoted - and worse, many lesser scientists have stolen his quotes as their own. To add to the confusion, Einstein also conducted several disastrous time travel and wormhole experiments, traveling to many different worlds and time periods, where he was also heavily quoted.

Famous Quotes by Albert Einstein

Einstein on Science

  • A little knowledge is dangerous, so is a lot. I guess this makes me the most dangerous person in the universe.
  • "Imagination is more important than knowledge, but big tits have them both beat."
  • "You don't have to have a good theory to be a good scientist. Just one that can't be proven wrong until years after you're dead!"

Einstein on Physics

  • "Did the chicken cross the road, or did the road cross to the other side of the chicken?"
  • "Time will tell. Sooner or later, time will tell."
  • "There are only two constants in this universe. The speed of light is 3x10^8 m/sec and an egg boils in 3 minutes. Armed with these two pieces of knowledge I have had years of scientific breakthrough over breakfast with runny eggs and toast soldiers."

Einstein on Other Physicists

  • "If I could go back in time and meet Sir Isaac Newton, I'd tell him the same thing I told him just last week, when I went back in time to tell him about some stuff."

Einstein on Politics

  • "Sixty percent of all statistics are wrong."
  • "Sixty percent of my hats don't fit."
  • "Politics is a pendulum whose swings between anarchy and tyranny are fueled by perpetually rejuvenated penises."

Einstein on Religion

  • "God does not shoot craps, play video poker, or waste money on slot machines. If He did, though, the laws of probability would still apply."
  • "God does not play D&D! "
  • "As I reach further in my discovery of science, God becomes less and less and less and less and less and less and less real to me. God, I don't even believe in him. I mean gosh."

Einstein on Education

  • "College is for those people who are too cowardly for the military."
  • "I could never do Math, I was called a dunce and dumbkopf in school. Well who is the dumbkopf now? I'm one of the smartest men on the planet. Actually, I am the smartest man on the palnet! Kneel before me you walnut-brained half-wits!"

See also