Babel:W2
- 33 CE - Zombie Jesus rises from his tomb and partially devours the brains of his apostles, resulting in most of the inane ramblings in The New Testament.
- 89 CE - Pope Clement I celebrates the first Zombie Jesus Day by decreeing that people consume copious amounts of high cholesterol in the form of chocolate and painted chicken embryos.
- 1353 - Badger maulings reach record levels in Europe.
- 1704 - The first regular newspaper is published in America, The Boston New-Letter, containing overly-opinionated columns and hyped-up headlines. Circulation soars.
- 1856 - The word 'chairman' is introduced to the Oxford English Dictionary as 'A person with a proclivity to stand sitting'.
- 1862 - The Amerikan Sivil Whar on spelling begins, the letter u in color being the first victim.
- 1981 - IBM create the first known evil computer.
- 1982 - IBM reveals computer wasn't 'evil', it was just running a Microsoft operating system.
- 1984 - Apple builds the world's first do-nothing computer.
- 1986 - Time begins, to the disappointment of trillions.
- 2000 - Fat-free chips are withdrawn from supermarket shelves in the UK due to risk of intestinal implosion.
- 2005 - George W. Bush declares, 'America is officially full'. Congress approves bypass for Haitian boatpeople to row to Canada.
- Today - You eat too much food and spend five hours on the toilet thinking of Uncyclopedia jokes.
- Hegseth orders attack on the Moon (pictured)
House of Merovingian (pictured) | Arthur Currie | Full house | Alexander the Not So Great | Dubnium | Hebe | Carbon tetrachloride | Tetrachloroethylene | Northrop B-2 Spirit | Blue Fairies | People's Action Party (Singapore) | Woof | John Mahama | Vivek Ramaswamy | Norse Korea | Michael VI | Factorial | Bunsen burner | Queue | Odysseus | Mutually exclusive events | Calcium | Kristi Noem | Anti-Zionism | Kevin McCarthy | Mike Johnson | House of Bourbon | Akaa, Finland | Nikki Haley | Menelaus
April 24, 2026
Okay guys, today you get the usual bidaily update of the featured article. Here comes the synopsis!
Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
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General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
As usual, you can vote for the featured article at Uncyclopedia 2.0:VFH, and don't forget to visit the archive! Rc out.
April 24, 2026
- ... if a tree falls in the forest and no one's there to hear it, Bishop Berkeley will get into a fistfight with William of Ockham?
- ... that virtual reality will soon allow you to read this in 3D?
- ... if a tree falls in the forest and no one's there to hear it, Bishop Berkeley will get into a fistfight with William of Ockham?
- ... that virtual reality will soon allow you to read this in 3D?
- ... if a tree falls in the forest and no one's there to hear it, Bishop Berkeley will get into a fistfight with William of Ockham?
And some others, in case you missed them...
April 24, 2026
One more image added to the collection. The list rotates randomly, so try reloading the page to see others...
CheckpointCharlieSign.png
| CheckpointCharlieSign.png - 5 fugitive(s) ( 5 / 0 ) |
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 Checkpoint Charlie was the only Berlin Wall crossing point where the authorities used humour as a weapon against those who tried to cross it. Image credit: ScottPat |
Or if you're so impatient, see Template 2.0:FI/all for all currently featured images. This creap of the crop may be less AJAXy than Flickr, but way less crappy.
April 24, 2026
Congratulations for April's Writer and Noob of the Month!
Seriously, we love you.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
HEIL FROSTY!
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