Babel:W2
March 31: Condom Appreciation Day
- 4000 BCE - Babylonians create the first wooden condoms, resulting in much fewer unexpected pregnancies and many, many, many more splinter-related injuries.
- 1865 - The modern condom is introduced, consisting of sheep stomach lining coated with sulfuric acid. It is quixotically not well received.
- 1889 - The Eiffel Tower opens to the public. As the steel of the time is notoriously weak, workers rub Viagra into the metal to keep the tower erect.
- 1917 - The U.S. purchases the Danish West Indies and renames it the Virgin Islands to attract sailors.
- 1930 - The Motion Picture Production Code ("Hays Code") is created to stop immoral behavior from being shown on the screen, like dirty socks draped on a chair. Dirty sock fetishists would have to sneak across the borders for many years.
- 1939 - With the invention of latex, the modern modern condom is introduced, single handedly ending the Great Depression.
- 1958 - Condoms are mentioned on television for the first time in an episode of The Flintstones entitled Put It Back In.
- 1970 - National No-Condom decade kicks off at Studio 69 in New York City.
- 1986 - AIDS becomes all the rage. Condom sales increase tenfold.
- 2009 - The Pope claims that condoms would increase the number of people with AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa, in a similar manner to how exercise is unhealthy and cheeseburgers eat people.
- 2020 - Robotic condoms are invented.
- 2030 - Robotic condoms, sick and tired of copulating with female genitals, turn gay.
- Obama photographed with aliens (pictured)
Arthur Currie | Full house (pictured) | Alexander the Not So Great | Dubnium | Hebe | Carbon tetrachloride | Tetrachloroethylene | Northrop B-2 Spirit | Blue Fairies | People's Action Party (Singapore) | Woof | John Mahama | Vivek Ramaswamy | Norse Korea | Michael VI | Factorial | Bunsen burner | Queue | Odysseus | Mutually exclusive events | Calcium | Kristi Noem | Anti-Zionism | Kevin McCarthy | Mike Johnson | House of Bourbon | Akaa, Finland | Nikki Haley | Menelaus | Ajax
March 31, 2026
Okay guys, today you get the usual bidaily update of the featured article. Here comes the synopsis!
Today's featured article – Star Trek
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Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it.
Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek's creator) hated the planet Earth after falling off his bike onto it, badly grazing a knee. "The only reason every damn television series is set on this damn planet is because of institutional racism — nothing more, nothing less," he commented. His words here spoken by an actor in a weak attempt to conceal inebriation at the hands of Klingon Mind Laager. "But it's ridiculous; there's billions of planets out there and only one of them is Earth. Unless of course you count parallel universes, which I do ... but that's just a hobby, and to be honest, I've lost count."
Roddenberry also despised hats. No one in the Federation ever wears one, except while disguised on a backwards planet plagued by social ills and long-winded speeches. Not even when they're trapped on an ice planet and freezing to death do crewmen wear hats. This is because Roddenberry realized hats are the symbol both of corrupt monarchies and of organized religions. (more...)
Previously featured article – Windows XP
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Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support. (more...)
As usual, you can vote for the featured article at Uncyclopedia 2.0:VFH, and don't forget to visit the archive! Rc out.
March 31, 2026
- ... that Cheetos never prosper?
- ... that the Mauna Loa volcano is actually taller than Mt. Everest if the four elephants standing on the back of giant turtle underneath it are counted?
- ... that Cheetos never prosper?
- ... that the Mauna Loa volcano is actually taller than Mt. Everest if the four elephants standing on the back of giant turtle underneath it are counted?
- ... that Cheetos never prosper?
And some others, in case you missed them...
March 31, 2026
One more image added to the collection. The list rotates randomly, so try reloading the page to see others...
Tide Pods Candy.JPG
| Tide Pods Candy.JPG - 6 total votes ( 6 / 0 ) |
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 Insert image caption here Image credit: Insert image credits here |
Or if you're so impatient, see Template 2.0:FI/all for all currently featured images. This creap of the crop may be less AJAXy than Flickr, but way less crappy.
March 31, 2026
Congratulations for March's Writer and Noob of the Month!
Seriously, we love you.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.