Western Pennsylvania

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Western Pennsylvania (not to be confused with Pennsyltucky) is considered by some to be the heart, soul, stomach, and/or lower intestine of the United States. It consists (or consisted, before the formation and relocation of the Independent Constitutional Monarchy of Pennsylvania) of the basic western half of the state, generally from around Punxsutawney to Cleveland. It is watered by several oddly-named rivers, the most prominent of which being the Monongahela, the Allegheny, the Youghiogheny, the Chuck Noll Memorial River, and the Yangtze (from which is dervived the name of a popular dice game).

The area was once a massive booming industrial hub, exporting steel, oil, and really good football players to importers worldwide. This was all centered in the city of Pittsburgh, the once proud and prosperous ruler of the free world. Those days have long since passed on to the next life, leaving the area dull, tired, and in serious need of a hobby.

This is generally remedied by the introduction of organized sports into the life of the Western Pennsylvanian. Generally speaking, if a Western Pennsylvanian does not know much about sport or the various sporting events, he or she will be shunned and/or stoned (i.e., thrown rocks at). There are three sports celebrated in Western Pennsylvania, those being football, hockey, and ridiculing the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Dialect and Translation[edit]

Western Pennsylvanian dialect is one of continued intrigue among linguists the world over. It consists largely of words and phrases that are similar to normal English, but at the same time includes other things that simply don't seem to fit in regular conversation. Some common examples include:

"Hey yinz guys!" (Translation: "Hello all of you.")

"Gimmie some chipped ham." (Translation: "I would like some sliced ham.")

"A'm gonna reddup the room with the sweeper here." (Translation: "I am going to clean the room with the vacuum cleaner.")

"Jeet yet? Nah, j'ew?" (Translation: "Did you eat yet? No, did you?")

"Goin dahntahn ta watch the bucs get murdered." (Translation: "I am going downtown to watch the Pittsburgh Pirates play a game of baseball.")

"Here we go stillers, here we go!" (Translation): "I hope that the Pittsburgh Steelers can score a touchdown, but we probably won't because our offensive line is extremely weak and Ben Roethlisberger suffers about two concussions per game."