Chewbacca
“RHUAWRRRR”
Chewbacca, also known as Chewy the Kid, was the most notorious outlaw in A Galaxy Far, Far Away. He wears nothing but a bandolier. His crime spree began when he robbed a shipment of Wookiee fur rugs. He left his home world of Kashyyyk and worked as a ranch hand until he got caught in a shoot-out with Banta rustlers on Tatooine. Than he shot an arms merchant with a bowcaster during a card game, whom he accused of counting cards and pimping Twiliks (true on both counts). When a squad of storm troopers cornered him in a dark alley, he beat them all senseless with the loose end of his handcuffs and framed a homeless man. Foreseeing noose in the cards, Chewy was smuggled off-planet by Han Solo and has been a space pirate ever since.
Solo became Chewy's partner in crime and life partner. Star Wars fans often speculate that the two have a homosexual relationship, though none can say where Chewbacca's genitalia would be. The two were last spotted in Yellowstone National Park stealing picnic baskets, though their owners, a troop of Boy Scouts, have been reported missing. Chewbacca is a well-known drunk driver, most notoriously pulled over while driving the Millenium Falcon and testing at 20 times the legal limit. He was also completely shaved and led police on a chase before passing out in a pool of his own filth.
Personal[edit]
Chewbacca is Jewish. At temple, he is known as Jewbacca. He practices Kabbalah with his wife Madonna, who fell in love with his singing voice. Like most Wookiees, Chewy converted to Imperial Catholicism to avoid persecution under Grand Inquisitor Darth Vader.
Chewbacca became a pitch-man for Head and Shoulders shampoo, though his condition is technically not dandruff but mange, for which the product is not recommended (though it couldn't hurt).
See also[edit]
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