Praise The Lord

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Praise The Lord is a mysterious phrase that hardly anyone, but Rambo seems to understand. There are those who speak Greek who say otherwise, but more on that later. Most modern theologians agree it originated from straight from God's mouth, but something was lost in the translation.

Origin of the Phrase[edit]

In 1914, biblical scholars hit upon an obsure phrase, used by the Hebrews in the Old Testament when battling people not chosen by God, was randomly and accurately retranslated as "Pass The Ammunition. The Prophet Saul was known to utter the phrase in jest during drinking binges between battles. Archbishop Rambo of New Caledonia was the first to use the entire idea of Praising the Lord before passing the ammunition during the famous Battle of Roquefort Dressing. The strategy proved successful in pushing the Germans back, and is credited with winning the war.

Rambo later when on to form the NRA and fight in the Vietnam conflict, after it was long over. Nobody knows what it originally meant, except for people who speak Greek, but none of them are brave enough to stand up to Rambo and tell him that he is wrong.

Uses of the Phrase[edit]

Christians' use of the phrase is as varied as the hundreds of Christian denominations. There are certain rules to it's use which are governed by a person's particular Faith, environmental factors, period of history, and halitosis.

As A Greeting[edit]

In situations like orgies and catacomb tours, PTL is a standard greeting, not unsimilar to dogs sniffing one anothers' anii. A variation by deer hunters is spoken thusly: "Praise the Lord, and pass the Jack Daniels (or other suitable spirits)".

As A Curse[edit]

During the Middle Ages, Crusaders were known to use PTL as a battle cry when waging war on the Heathens. King Godfrey of Jerusalem, interim commander of the Joint European Operations in Iraq the Middle East, had his knights call out, "Praise the Lord, and pass the persecution" or "torture" or "pillaging".

As An Invitation To Orgasm[edit]

Many Christians, and others, will cry out the Lord's name either to signal the approach of orgasm, or to invite one's partner to enjoy simultaneous orgasms. The item to be passed may be a post-coital cigarette, the telephone (if it rings), a joint,

As A Secret Password For An Exclusive Club[edit]

Secret societies like the 700 Club use variations on the phrase which comes after Praise the Lord in order to identify themselves as a card-carrying whacko of the highest order.

As A Warning[edit]

Jesus says, "Just pass on sin".

Weirdos and hypocrites who take the Bible literally will sometimes say, "Praise the Lord" to signal displeasure with the bahaviour of a peer. Christian Fundamentalists into BDSM, fun, drugs, fornication, or other sins are thus warned by their congregation to stop their vile behavior this instant, or else.

As A Hippie Slogan[edit]

Bizarre types like hippies, Jews for Jesus and assassins will PTL at the drop of a hat. However, in their peculiar cases, the passing refers to a joint, bong, or other paraphenelia used to smoke marijuana.

Paste The Lord[edit]

Little kids in Sunday school sometimes will paste pictures of Jesus onto backgrounds of pastoral scenes. With the advent of computers, online Christians of all ages produce huge amounts of spam, cutting and/or copying and pasting the Lord into vulnerable documents.

See Also[edit]