God-Fearing Republicans

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Elmer Fudd; another gun-toting Wepubwiccan. Join the Mushwoom Cult!

Republicans who fear God. They fear God so much, that they try to control others to avoid upsetting God. They do this by passing laws to take away freedom, because freedom is slavery. They are against education, because ignorance is strength, so they often cut education spending from the budget. They are always declaring war, because war is peace.

These Republicans are often confused with gay Republicans, a race forced to extinction by the infamous gay hunter, Dick Cheney.

The God-Fearing Republicans control Oceania, Eurasia, and Eastasia. They preach fascism in a conservative way. This led to an uprising of Liberal Terrorists who don't fear God but instead fear Dog. They like to eat God's shorts to please Dog.

Some claim the God that the God-Fearing Republicans fear is really Big Brother, Loki, or Supply-side Jesus, and not actually God or Jesus or even Jesus Christ. This is hard to determine, as questioning the God-Fearing Republicans is unpatriotic, in violation of the Patriot Act, and results in a lifetime of surveillance by the FBI and the Department of Homeland Security.

Still, despite most citizens being against the God-fearing Republicans, they still seem to vote them into office. Some claim this is due to voter fraud, while others say that most voters are just stupid and punched the wrong hole in the ballot card. Others say that God has rigged the elections so the God-fearing Republicans will win.

God says that God-Fearing Republicans are really cool and he loves them. Jesus and his little brother Abraham are totally ashamed of their father for this reason. God says he made God-Fearing Republicans out of iron instead of clay so they could be stronger than other people, but the angels that saw him make them said that God was drunk at the time and made them out of bubble wrap.

Facts and figures about God-Fearing Republicans[edit]

  • They hate Massachusetts.
  • Although most of them are homophobic, many of them are in fact homosexuals.
  • They oppose Gay Marriage because it is against their religion and those Liberals are only imposing their agenda on the nation to force people to become gay as a lifestyle choice
  • They want to ban the laws that ban owning a gun because owning a gun makes one safer and ignore the school shootings.
  • They want to cut Welfare and Social Security. The sick and disabled and elderly need not be coddled but should go out and get a job and college degree instead.
  • They are Islamophobic despite that Islamic Terrorists are a small minority in the Middle-East, their plan for fighting them is to wipe out all 3 billion Muslims in the World before they reproduce more suicide bombers.
  • They don't like immigration and immigrants, they think they come here to steal the jobs of hard working US citizens. Look there's a US citizen let's steal his job!
  • They want more wars for oil in the Middle-East but don't want to send their own children on these modern day crusades.

See also[edit]