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Rest In Peace brave souls
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| Today's Featured Article
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In Memoriam
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
Todd "Howlin'" Lyons and Some "Fingers" User worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Tomb of the Unknown Contributor.
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
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| On this day...
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 Adolf Hitler doing something naughty. Probably. January 16: Pencil Envy Day
- c.1.5 million BCE - Cave people carefully collect and trade for as many different colors of pigment as they can. After mixing up probably fifty separate colors of paint, they mix them all together to get black.
- 1264 - For the first time in human history, a man is born twice.
- 1337 - England seethes when they find the French got 24-crayon boxes for Christmas instead of England's normal 16. This would ignite the Hundred Years War, eventually expanding into countries with colored pencils and paint sets.
- 1356 - Some dude gets all medieval on some other dude.
- 1922 - Eberhard Faber perfects the pencil but dies tragically the same day when stabbed by someone running with scissors.
- 1930 - Mickey Mouse loses his license to Steamboat Willie after being caught transporting 11 illegal immigrants up the Timeless River. Walt Disney distraught.
- 1942 - Odds are, Hitler did something bad on this date in 1942.
- 1969 - Freddie Blassie begins his search for pencil-necked geeks. Congress doubles its security.
- 1985 - MacGyver disarms a bomb in the dark using only a very large pencil and two meatballs, only to find it was actually guest star John Holmes.
- 1987 - Something performed by guys with poofy hair and makeup is the number one song in America.
- 1990 - You suddenly realize time didn't stop, but know that time stopped. Hammer time!
- 2000 - Something.com receives one million hits exactly at the same time some stoner dude takes his millionth hit.
- 2007 - The Dark Portal opens. World of Warcraft fans shit themselves.
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| Word of the Day
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Death
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
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| In the news
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- Oscar Wilde writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
- Editors of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint earwig-human hybrid to manage Recent News.
- Jesus was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
- Gothic people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
- The emos commit mass suicide, but nobody cares...duh...
- Mourners flow through the streets of New York in melodramatic fashion,
demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
- All Uncyclopedians are wearing black armbands.
- The Japanese are comitting mass seppuku.
- The British are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In France, rioting ensues.
- Physicists at IITb publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
- The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
- All the Russians are drunk. All the Dutch are stoned. Peyote use at an alarming high among Native Americans.
- In the middle east the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
- The Americans have organised a drive through service.
a duh /b/ was here
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| If anyone cares on a day like today...
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| *... that GMOs are kind of safe? Sort of?
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Protected by Sacred Ground, and our Prayers.
