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Rest In Peace brave souls
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| Today's Featured Article
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In Memoriam
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
Todd "Howlin'" Lyons and Some "Fingers" User worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Tomb of the Unknown Contributor.
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
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| On this day...
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February 3: Go Fuck a Groundhog Day
- c.1200 BCE - Groundhogs are worshipped by the Mayans, whereas they are just your chubby little run-of-the-mill pyramid-building rodents from outer space with godlike powers.
- 532 BCE - Groundhogs take in laundry to make ends meet, beginning their own Iron Age.
- 235 - The Moon is invented by rogue cave dwelling ducks from South Africa.
- 947 - Doughnut-worshipping groundhogs change their name to woodchucks to avoid religious persecution.
- 1194 - Saladin I gets it on with Pandhragati Phil, a local groundhog, causing it to snow in Arabia.
- 1806 - The chickens come home to Roost. Residents of Roost get tired of eating eggs very quickly.
- 1903 - Inspired by hearing a story about how Theodore Roosevelt refuses to shoot a bear on the grounds that it was injured and elderly, and besides, "it's no fun if they can't run fast enough to almost make it before I blow their brains out", Morris Michtom and his wife Rose introduce the first teddy bear in America. It would later attempt to assassinate Roosevelt.
- 1942 - Singapore falls. Denmark trips, but says he's all right and gets up again.
- 1992 - Prefix "e-" is invented. Kitten death rate triples.
- 1995 - Bill Murray repeats himself while learning about Uber and Lyft drivers.
- 1996 - Bill Murray humps Andie MacDowell again.
- 2012 - SOPA passes, internet ends.
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| Word of the Day
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Death
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
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| In the news
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- Oscar Wilde writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
- Editors of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint earwig-human hybrid to manage Recent News.
- Jesus was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
- Gothic people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
- The emos commit mass suicide, but nobody cares...duh...
- Mourners flow through the streets of New York in melodramatic fashion,
demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
- All Uncyclopedians are wearing black armbands.
- The Japanese are comitting mass seppuku.
- The British are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In France, rioting ensues.
- Physicists at IITb publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
- The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
- All the Russians are drunk. All the Dutch are stoned. Peyote use at an alarming high among Native Americans.
- In the middle east the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
- The Americans have organised a drive through service.
a duh /b/ was here
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| If anyone cares on a day like today...
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*... that you shouldn't count your chitlins before they are hatched?
- ... Ham Chan is a 4chan imageboard on Iranian servers dedicated to pork and pork products?
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Protected by Sacred Ground, and our Prayers.
