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Rest In Peace brave souls
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| Today's Featured Article
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In Memoriam
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
Todd "Howlin'" Lyons and Some "Fingers" User worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Tomb of the Unknown Contributor.
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
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| On this day...
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February 14: International Suck Day
- 32 CE - Jesus Christ contracts bad case of crabs from Mary Magdalene.
- 35 CE - New cure for crabs invented that does not involve crucifixion.
- 269 - St. Valentinus is castrated, horsewhipped and disembowelled. 1500 years later, this day is celebrated through romance.
- 1307 - William Tell uses cow hearts for targets and gives them with an arrow through each to various women in Gstaad, Switzerland. They flee in terror and he takes their chocolate.
- 1852 - Ash Ketchum says "I choo choo choose you" to Nurse Joy shortly before his death by being hit by a train.
- 1930 - Elm Farm Ollie becomes the first cow to fly in a fixed-wing aircraft and also the first cow to be milked in an aircraft. She would later barnstorm in her self-built plane and hand out ice cream to children as flying at high altitudes is quite cold.
- 1994 - Canada successfully builds a space shuttle capable of flying back to Earth.
- 2003 - One of the people who is woefully alone proposes an alternative holiday, entitled Go Out With a Loser Who Has Never Had a Date Day. However, no girl will still talk to him.
- 2004 - Not willing to give up, the guy who made the holiday in 2003 decides to make Trek-mance Connection. Now, even nerdy girls still won't talk to him.
- 2005 - Lonely guy starts an Emo band. Bandmates ask him not to name the band. Girls still won't talk to him.
- 2009 - St. Valentinus is reborn and executed for the second time for molesting small farm animals.
- 2010 - St. Valentinus is reincarnated as a charismatic frog and gets away with years of outrageous self-abuse.
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| Word of the Day
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Death
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
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| In the news
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- Oscar Wilde writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
- Editors of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint earwig-human hybrid to manage Recent News.
- Jesus was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
- Gothic people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
- The emos commit mass suicide, but nobody cares...duh...
- Mourners flow through the streets of New York in melodramatic fashion,
demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
- All Uncyclopedians are wearing black armbands.
- The Japanese are comitting mass seppuku.
- The British are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In France, rioting ensues.
- Physicists at IITb publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
- The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
- All the Russians are drunk. All the Dutch are stoned. Peyote use at an alarming high among Native Americans.
- In the middle east the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
- The Americans have organised a drive through service.
a duh /b/ was here
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| If anyone cares on a day like today...
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*... that science works in nearly every country?
- ... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
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Protected by Sacred Ground, and our Prayers.
