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Rest In Peace brave souls
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| Today's Featured Article
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In Memoriam
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
Todd "Howlin'" Lyons and Some "Fingers" User worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Tomb of the Unknown Contributor.
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
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| On this day...
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June 11: Ontological Empiricism Day
- 1770 - Captain James Cook wonders whether the Great Barrier Reef actually 'exists', or is simply a bundle of sense-data, which is 'perceived' by most to be a coral reef. He is driven mad within minutes.
- 1879 - The Prince of Oranges and Lemons dies.
- 1922 - The Society of Post-postmodernism declares ontological empiricism shallow and pedantic.
- 1945 - The last day Kyle was seen... Have you seen Kyle?
- 1963 - A Buddhist monk, believing himself to have perfected fireproof clothing, performs a public demonstration of the clothes by setting himself on fire in a crowded Vietnamese street. Predictably, the monk himself was not fireproof and burned to death.
- 1979 - The constituencies of Ontological and Empirical both redrawn as safe Liberal Democrat seats, as no other party understand them.
- 1993 - Margaret Thatcher lost in Woolworths; found near Pic'n'Mix.
- 1999 - Cheese is reinvented as a basic element after complaints from several pan-dimensional beings.
- 2004 - Bare assertion fallacy rediscovered as brash, and somewhat tittilating.
- 2005 - Uncyclopedia users baffled by the words 'ontological', 'empiricism', and in some cases, 'day'. Due to that, no-one understands the June 11 On This Day.
- 2006 - Uncyclopedia users, armed with pocket thesauruses, attempt to post something relevant. Success is extremely limited.
- 2007 - The creator of Ontological Empiricism Day is punched in the face by God. 'Here you have a proof of both your existence and logos!' declared the agressor.
- 2008 - The Hermeneutic Society votes against holding Ontological Empiricism Day, quoting the 'Universe Indexed Properties and the Fate of the Ontological Argument' papers.
- 2010 - Steve Irwin confirmed as 'still dead'.
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| Word of the Day
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Death
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
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| In the news
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- Oscar Wilde writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
- Editors of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint earwig-human hybrid to manage Recent News.
- Jesus was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
- Gothic people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
- The emos commit mass suicide, but nobody cares...duh...
- Mourners flow through the streets of New York in melodramatic fashion,
demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
- All Uncyclopedians are wearing black armbands.
- The Japanese are comitting mass seppuku.
- The British are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In France, rioting ensues.
- Physicists at IITb publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
- The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
- All the Russians are drunk. All the Dutch are stoned. Peyote use at an alarming high among Native Americans.
- In the middle east the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
- The Americans have organised a drive through service.
a duh /b/ was here
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| If anyone cares on a day like today...
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*... Time travel from the US now requires screening by TSA agents?
- ... but that you can just skip forward in time and avoid it?
- ... that fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to foreplay?
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Protected by Sacred Ground, and our Prayers.
