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Rest In Peace brave souls
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| Today's Featured Article
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In Memoriam
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
Todd "Howlin'" Lyons and Some "Fingers" User worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Tomb of the Unknown Contributor.
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
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| On this day...
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October 26: International Time Travel Day, Enjoy Whale Meat Day (Japan).
- 1492 - Christopher Columbus invents herpes to pass the time on tedious transatlantic voyages.
- 1701 - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania is incorporated as an American city in order to protect its cheese steak sandwich monopoly.
- 1776 - The first Continental Congress adjourns in Philadelphia instead of Harrisburg, because that's where it was.
- 1805 - Citizens, using stolen British documents, develop simple time travel and travel back to 1701 and eradicate Philadelphia in order to save the East Coast from what would be present Philadelphia. They make a second stop a bit farther east and remove an area of future New Jersey for good measure as well. All is peaceful.
- 1822 - The Rock discovers the secret to time travel and goes back in time to kill Hitler, only to realize Hitler wasn't born yet.
- 1917 - The first lifetime limited warranty is created when Congress passes the Broken Stamp Act of 1917.
- 1944 - Albert Einstein and Nikola Tesla invent a time machine by accident. They travel to 1996 and meet Elton John, The Spice Girls and Bill Clinton's cigar. They promptly return home, dismantle the time machine and deny it ever happened. It has become known amongst conspiracy theorists as the Philadelphia Experiment.
- 1980 - A time-traveling Dr. Emmett Brown creates the 1981 DMC DeLorean, so he can use it later as a time machine.
- 1985 - Dr. Emmett Brown invents a time machine out of a DeLorean.
- 1988 - Bill and Ted build a time machine out of a phone booth for access to space porn.
- 1988 - Pre-emo angsty teenage outsider, Donnie Darko, avoids being killed by a time-traveling jet engine by sleeping on a golf course.
- 1988 - Pre-emo angsty teenage outsider, Donnie Darko, is killed by a time-traveling jet engine.
- 1994 - The first Time Cop is trained; he turns into serial killer, but accidently destroys own grandmother, creating a paradox called Doctor Who.
- 2000 - It is discovered that Rosa Parks was actually a middle-aged caucasian man named Hank.
- 2001 - The First Time Traveller's Convention is held in New York. No future is being reported.
- 2003 - The US government develops a time machine, George W. Bush travels to the past to party with his past self and Hitler.
- 2006 - Some angsty teenager has an internal conflict with herself about stuff that only Col. Sherman Potter and his son Harry Potter would understand.
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| Word of the Day
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Death
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
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| In the news
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- Oscar Wilde writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
- Editors of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint earwig-human hybrid to manage Recent News.
- Jesus was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
- Gothic people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
- The emos commit mass suicide, but nobody cares...duh...
- Mourners flow through the streets of New York in melodramatic fashion,
demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
- All Uncyclopedians are wearing black armbands.
- The Japanese are comitting mass seppuku.
- The British are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In France, rioting ensues.
- Physicists at IITb publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
- The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
- All the Russians are drunk. All the Dutch are stoned. Peyote use at an alarming high among Native Americans.
- In the middle east the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
- The Americans have organised a drive through service.
a duh /b/ was here
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| If anyone cares on a day like today...
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*... thanks to a transporter accident, the joke about suicide bombers' 72 virgins being Star Trek geeks is older than Islam?
- ... that the chickens are finally coming home to roost, but roosters are too chicken to be coming home?
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| Today's featured Tombstone
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[vote]
| Thermopylae.jpg - 27 total votes ( 30 / 3 )
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Thermopylae was the top selling board game of the 5th Century BCE. Players compete to acquire wealth through stylized politico-economic activity involving the buying, rental, and trading of real estate using play drachma and bartering, whilst gathering groups of Perioikoi and Helots to work your land, as players take turns moving around the board according to the roll of the dice.
Image credit: Mhaille
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Archive - Nominate new image
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