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Rest In Peace brave souls
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| Today's Featured Article
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In Memoriam
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
Todd "Howlin'" Lyons and Some "Fingers" User worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Tomb of the Unknown Contributor.
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
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| On this day...
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April 14: Miraculous Discovery Day
- 13 CE - Repairs begin after the worst Friday the 13th ever.
- 1215 - The Magna Carta is signed, giving the Red Baron the right to bake pizza on his warplane.
- 1492 - Just 5 days out to sea, Columbus discovers more water.
- 1654 - On this Sunday, by a freak coincidence, no-one turned up to church at all, anywhere. Excuses cited include "washing cart" and "wife pregnant".
- 1897 - A commuter is canonized for the miracle of having exact change and the miracle of not missing her stop and asking the conductor to back up the train.
- 1947 - The Miracle on 34th Street occurs when a non-New Yorker holds a door open for someone else. Little did he know that with constant traffic, he would be standing in the same spot for 65 hours.
- 1949 - All of China is astounded when superhero Chairman brings folding chairs to all Politburo meetings.
- 1967 - Yoko Ono forms her renegade militant group The Plastic Renegades with the objective of destroying all good music in the universe.
- 1973 - Cowboy singer Slim Whitman finally sells a record to someone not a member of his family.
- 1987 - Miracle Whip is deemed "less than miraculous" by the FDA. (pictured)
- 2002 - Hundreds of Korean children die when they are bussed to the wrong venue instead of being taken to the Youth in Asia Conference in Seoul.
- 2008 - Somebody was wrong *gasp!* on the internet.
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| Word of the Day
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Death
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
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| In the news
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- Oscar Wilde writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
- Editors of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint earwig-human hybrid to manage Recent News.
- Jesus was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
- Gothic people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
- The emos commit mass suicide, but nobody cares...duh...
- Mourners flow through the streets of New York in melodramatic fashion,
demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
- All Uncyclopedians are wearing black armbands.
- The Japanese are comitting mass seppuku.
- The British are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In France, rioting ensues.
- Physicists at IITb publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
- The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
- All the Russians are drunk. All the Dutch are stoned. Peyote use at an alarming high among Native Americans.
- In the middle east the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
- The Americans have organised a drive through service.
a duh /b/ was here
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| If anyone cares on a day like today...
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| *... the Boy Scouts were actually a concept developed by Gen. Gordon at the siege of Khartoum? And since the scouts saw no boys in the Mahdi army, they failed to give an alarm and the British garrison was wiped out?
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| Today's featured Tombstone
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[vote]
| Hookheadedman.png - 9 pointless b-grade movie villians ( 14 / 5 )
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The newest antagonist for horror movie fans to believe, The Hook Headed Man was conceived while watching Treasure Island on crack. In the movie, the way he came about is described as "A pirate who fell into radioactive sludge." It would have made him into the superhero "Arrr-man", but that was too close to a copyrighted character from Sesame Street, so this is the next-best thing the writers could come up with.
Image credit: Jocke Pirat
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