|Today's Featured Article
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
Todd "Howlin'" Lyons and Some "Fingers" User worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Tomb of the Unknown Contributor.
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
| On this day...
January 27: International Bring Your Exotic Pet or Exotic Dancer to Work Day
- 218 BCE - Hannibal Barca, travelling through Gaul, finds hotels refuse to allow his pet elephants in his rooms.
- 1066 - William of France accidentally distracts the English army with a line of his obsequious bowing servants mistaken for twerking women. Harold of England raises his visor to get a better look, with not-so-very-good results.
- 1313 - The Pope and King Charlemagne lead the first celebration of this holiday, followed by hundreds of pole dancers and strippers with griffons and dragons flying overhead.
- 1649 - Charles II restores poles and pole dancers to Parliament.
- 1776 - Thomas Jefferson, suffering from writer's block, brings his pet Negro Toby to work. Jeffy wakes up later in the day from a nap to discover that Toby has finished writing the remaining 96% of the Declaration of Independence. Jeffy promptly whips Toby and submits the Declaration to the Continental Congress the next day.
- 1945 - President Harry Truman let his Komodo dragon press the big red button, authorizing the use of nookz.
- 1947 - Mahatma Gandhi takes his pet rhinoceros to a rally. This scares the British into leaving India.
- 1959 - Keith Olbermann is born in New York. The hospital staff lets a doctor's pet Gila monster deliver Olbermann, only to have the animal kidnap Olbermann and raise him for the next 18 years. Thus the grown sportscaster would later join the reptile in its festering hatred for the Dodgers for leaving Brooklyn.
- 1984 - Winston Smith brings his parrot to work, only to have it arrested by the Thought Police for thoughtcrime. Doubleplus good!
- 2005 - Amir Khan brings his pet Shahrukh Khan to his film shoot. He says it is his lucky charm.
- 2010 - Howard Zinn and J.D. Salinger die on the same day. They have a long-winded conversation about literature outside the Pearly Gates, boring and annoying everyone else in line.
- 2010 - Amitabh Bachchan brings Aishwarya Rai on a leash, marries her off to his son.
- 2011 - Aishwarya Rai bears a child who is put on leash too.
|Word of the Day
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
| In the news
- Oscar Wilde writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
- Editors of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint earwig-human hybrid to manage Recent News.
- Jesus was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
- Gothic people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
- The emos commit mass suicide, but nobody cares...duh...
- Mourners flow through the streets of New York in melodramatic fashion,
demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
- All Uncyclopedians are wearing black armbands.
- The Japanese are comitting mass seppuku.
- The British are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In France, rioting ensues.
- Physicists at IITb publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
- The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
- All the Russians are drunk. All the Dutch are stoned. Peyote use at an alarming high among Native Americans.
- In the middle east the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
- The Americans have organised a drive through service.
a duh /b/ was here
| If anyone cares on a day like today...
|*... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
- ... that cats only pretend not to like to swim?
- ... and that they like it even more while inside a burlap sack?
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