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Rest In Peace brave souls
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| Today's Featured Article
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In Memoriam
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
Todd "Howlin'" Lyons and Some "Fingers" User worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Tomb of the Unknown Contributor.
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
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| On this day...
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April 6: Arson Wednesday (Nihilist Church of New Zealand)
- 350 BCE - Defying the gods, Prometheus brings fire to the human race. Humans use it for decorative tiki torches placed outside their caves. Prometheus then shows how fire can be used to keep warm, cook food, light caves and clear land for crops. At the end of the demonstration, Prometheus asks for questions and a human asks, "Do you think brown or black is a better color for tiki torches?" Prometheus then walks up to the mountains, chains himself to a rock and has eagles rip out his liver.
- 648 BCE - The earliest solar eclipse recorded by Ancient Greeks is quickly followed by a large earthquake, suicides, and disease.
- 1 CE - Baby Jesus flips off a goat, and the judges give him a 9.65.
- 612 - Arab popstar Mohammed declares he is "more popular than Jesus now".
- 1522 - Mary had a little lamb. Yankee Doodle claims to be the father.
- 1593 - John Greenwood, English Congressionalist, is hanged. His last words: "Get this fucking rope off of me!"
- 1895 - Oscar Wilde is arrested in London for "acts of gross indecency". You can't make this stuff up.
- 1896 - First modern Olympic doping scandal is discovered at Athens games. Two runners are disqualified for eating Wheaties.
- 1999 - Chinese democracy is released and subsequently pulled off shelves after the US Government denies reports of its existence.
- 1955 - Hell freezes over; the Devil skates to work.
- 1957 - Three children die in a nuclear attack after being kicked out of a crowded refrigerator by a prominent professor of archaeology.
- 1985 - Video gaming is first cited as a precursor to juvenile delinquency. "Stick 'em up and keep your hands in plain sight while I do a save," is commonly heard on the streets.
- 1989 - Billy Joel is arrested for arson but states "We didn't start the fire," and proceeds to spill his guts, naming a long list of conspirators. (pictured)
- 1992 - Isaac Asimov's batteries finally wear down. Perhaps the world's most famous robot, Asimov served more than 20 years on the U.S.S. Enterprise under Captain Picard.
- 1994 - Kurt Cobain's attempt to win a posthumous Grammy backfires tragically. However, some would say he had a shot at it.
- 1999 - Billy Joel begins to amass his mole army beginning his inevitable rise to world domination.
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| Word of the Day
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Death
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
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| In the news
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- Oscar Wilde writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
- Editors of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint earwig-human hybrid to manage Recent News.
- Jesus was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
- Gothic people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
- The emos commit mass suicide, but nobody cares...duh...
- Mourners flow through the streets of New York in melodramatic fashion,
demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
- All Uncyclopedians are wearing black armbands.
- The Japanese are comitting mass seppuku.
- The British are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In France, rioting ensues.
- Physicists at IITb publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
- The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
- All the Russians are drunk. All the Dutch are stoned. Peyote use at an alarming high among Native Americans.
- In the middle east the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
- The Americans have organised a drive through service.
a duh /b/ was here
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| If anyone cares on a day like today...
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| *... that the Mars Climate Orbiter crashed because engineers had failed to convert measurements in fathoms and rods to the metric system?
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Protected by Sacred Ground, and our Prayers.
