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Rest In Peace brave souls
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| Today's Featured Article
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In Memoriam
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
Todd "Howlin'" Lyons and Some "Fingers" User worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Tomb of the Unknown Contributor.
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
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| On this day...
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March 22: Water Day
- 3400 BC - Citizens of Atlantis become so enamored with water that they decide to sink their island into the sea, which is principally composed of water. Mostly, kind of.
- 338 BC - Aristotle is stunned to discover what fish do in water and swears off the stuff forever.
- 1452 - Tired of city-state constantly fighting city-state, the Mayan Empire decides to invade itself to simplify things. It works like a charm.
- 1745 - Water Day is officially recognized by fish for the first time; when asked why fish officials reply, "For the halibut."
- 1801 - The myth that domesticated turkeys will drown themselves by looking up when it rains is disproved. It is also found that humans watching turkeys by standing out in the rain have a 65% chance of contracting pneumonia, but only 10% die of drowning trying to look up when its raining.
- 1894 - Using "frozen water", the first playoff game for the Stanley Cup starts.
- 1899 - Tired of delivering pitchers of ice water to Helen Keller's hotel room after she keeps calling them saying "wa-ter, wa-ter", hotel staff ignore her. They later find her teacher Anne Sullivan drowned in an overflowing bathtub in the locked bathroom.
- 1941 - The state of Washington enslaves water to generate electricity using the Grand Coulee Dam.
- 1997 - Tara Lipinski, age 14 years and 10 months, becomes the youngest champion of the women's world frozen water walking competition.
- 1999 - Oprah drinks water on her show. Water sales triple among women.
- 2005 - Water invades New Orleans. Congress declares war on water.
- 2008 - Four-year-old Amanda Dinkleschmidt celebrates Water Day by giving her goldfish some water.
- 2014 - Water now only exists in plastic bottles. Fish cope as best they can.
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| Word of the Day
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Death
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
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| In the news
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- Oscar Wilde writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
- Editors of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint earwig-human hybrid to manage Recent News.
- Jesus was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
- Gothic people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
- The emos commit mass suicide, but nobody cares...duh...
- Mourners flow through the streets of New York in melodramatic fashion,
demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
- All Uncyclopedians are wearing black armbands.
- The Japanese are comitting mass seppuku.
- The British are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In France, rioting ensues.
- Physicists at IITb publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
- The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
- All the Russians are drunk. All the Dutch are stoned. Peyote use at an alarming high among Native Americans.
- In the middle east the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
- The Americans have organised a drive through service.
a duh /b/ was here
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| If anyone cares on a day like today...
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*... that you can't wear my sweatshirt? It's mine!
- ... that the sport of water polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
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Protected by Sacred Ground, and our Prayers.
