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Rest In Peace brave souls
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| Today's Featured Article
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In Memoriam
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
Todd "Howlin'" Lyons and Some "Fingers" User worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Tomb of the Unknown Contributor.
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
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| On this day...
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June 21: St. Nokia's Day, Last Day of Spring
- 5400 BCE - Prehistoric Druids create early pornography out of large stones on the Salisbury Plain of England. Unfortunately it only works one day a year, leading to many wars.
- 24 CE - Hippies celebrate "The Coming of Life", the summer solstice, in the streets after new dope harvest.
- 524 - Godomar, King of the Burgundians, moves his throne to to his Mountain Chablis.
- 654 - Howard Hughes finds out that there are germs even in airplanes.
- 1138 - The first IKEA opens in Durham by Viking invaders.
- 1910 - A Japanese kittenhoefer kills Alexander Graham Bell and patents the cell phone. It weighs four hundred pounds and has a 300-mile long spool of cable accompanying it.
- 1914 - The question "What if the hokey pokey IS what it's all about?" is first raised by Mark Twain.
- 1915 - The Supreme Court of the United States rules that Oklahoma cannot deny some of its citizens the right to vote. The Chief Justice then proceeds to insult Woodrow Wilson over his attempts to allow women to have a voice beyond choosing what's for dinner.
- 1940 - France surrenders to Germany out of habit.
- 1941 - France surrenders to Germany again, for good measure.
- 1942 - France celebrates the anniversary of their surrender to Germany and the establishment of the Vichy government with parades, parties, and a third surrender to make sure the message was received.
- 1982 - John Hinckley is found not guilty by reason of batshit insanity for trying to kill President Reagan; Hinckley mistakenly dedicates his win to Jodie Sweetin.
- 1994 - Figures released by the University of Cambridge show that 92% of those born under the star sign Cancer actually get cancer, whereas 12% turn into crabs.
- 1995 - Figures released by Harvard University show that 93% of Cambridge students are unable to properly add percentages.
- 1996 - Figures released by Cambridge say "Bite me, Harvard". Harvard declines comment.
- 1997 - Harvard purchases Cambridge and changes it to an automotive maintenance and bartending school.
- 1998 - The Republican Party loses its old leader, gains a new one. Bozo the Clown memorabilia regains popularity.
- 2002 - The WHO finally cures polio. They go on to do an encore with Magic Bus and Pinball Wizard.
- 2007 - Scientists find that Pluto is not a planet.
- 2008 - Scientists find that Pluto never existed in the first place.
- 2009 - Pluto sues science for defamation of existence.
- 2012 - Scientists discover that there's not always room for Jello.
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| Word of the Day
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Death
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
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| In the news
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- Oscar Wilde writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
- Editors of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint earwig-human hybrid to manage Recent News.
- Jesus was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
- Gothic people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
- The emos commit mass suicide, but nobody cares...duh...
- Mourners flow through the streets of New York in melodramatic fashion,
demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
- All Uncyclopedians are wearing black armbands.
- The Japanese are comitting mass seppuku.
- The British are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In France, rioting ensues.
- Physicists at IITb publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
- The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
- All the Russians are drunk. All the Dutch are stoned. Peyote use at an alarming high among Native Americans.
- In the middle east the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
- The Americans have organised a drive through service.
a duh /b/ was here
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| If anyone cares on a day like today...
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*... colourless is actually a valid colour, making "colourless" very colourful?
- ... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
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Protected by Sacred Ground, and our Prayers.
