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Rest In Peace brave souls
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| Today's Featured Article
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In Memoriam
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
Todd "Howlin'" Lyons and Some "Fingers" User worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Tomb of the Unknown Contributor.
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
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| On this day...
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May 25: National Pork Products Day (Israel)
- In the beginning - God creates Mojo from leftover positrons and dark matter.
- A long time ago - God creates Funk, and he sees that it is gooo-ooood.
- 2000 BCE - Moses opens the first Piggly Wiggly supermarket with the goal of "bringin' chitterlings to all my peeps!"
- 402 BCE - The towel is invented, to protect oneself from the great LUEshi rampage.
- 14 BCE - Leeroy Jenkins declares, "At least I still have chicken."
- 1029 - The Black Plague makes its first appearance in a small gig in Eastern Indonesia.
- 1492 - Christopher Columbus realizes that he forgot his wallet back in Spain.
- 1840 - Oscar Wilde kills Lord Byron in what is billed as the Spat in the Flat.
- 1852 - The knowledge of towel making is mysteriously lost. Pandemonium ensues for the next three decades.
- 1895 - Playwright, poet and novelist Oscar Wilde is convicted of "committing acts of gross indecency with other male persons" and sentenced to serve two years in prison. He comments: "If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine", a line later shamelessly plagarized by Obi-Wan Kenobi.
- 1942 - Helen G. White announces that the end of the world is postponed once again due to rain.
- 1980 - Towels are rediscovered just as hyenas take over the French government.
- 1982 - Pac Man Fever kills 20 million Americans in just a few weeks.
- 1987 - Marijuana becomes the most cultivated plant ever, displacing the potato from the top spot for a few weeks.
- 2002 - Mutant Goombie children are found in a puddle. Government and other such officials are blamed.
- 2003 - In the first smart move made ever by a government, governments everywhere are officially disbanded.
- 2007 - Jerry Springer is attacked by trailer park midgets.
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| Word of the Day
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Death
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
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| In the news
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- Oscar Wilde writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
- Editors of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint earwig-human hybrid to manage Recent News.
- Jesus was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
- Gothic people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
- The emos commit mass suicide, but nobody cares...duh...
- Mourners flow through the streets of New York in melodramatic fashion,
demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
- All Uncyclopedians are wearing black armbands.
- The Japanese are comitting mass seppuku.
- The British are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In France, rioting ensues.
- Physicists at IITb publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
- The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
- All the Russians are drunk. All the Dutch are stoned. Peyote use at an alarming high among Native Americans.
- In the middle east the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
- The Americans have organised a drive through service.
a duh /b/ was here
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| If anyone cares on a day like today...
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*... the Ronco Pocket Fisherman lets you go fishing anytime in your jacket pocket?
- ... and it can also be used to play pocket pool?
- ... but wait, there's more...
- ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? I♥HYPNOTOAD
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Protected by Sacred Ground, and our Prayers.
