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Rest In Peace brave souls
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| Today's Featured Article
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In Memoriam
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
Todd "Howlin'" Lyons and Some "Fingers" User worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Tomb of the Unknown Contributor.
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
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| On this day...
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July 19: Swallows Return (San Juan Capistrano, US), Great Cat Feast (also San Juan Capistrano), Ice Age ends
- 193 - Romans make a chicken and then a plate of fruit their emperor as all human choices are lacking.
- 1018 - King Æthelred the Unready finally thinks of a snappy reply to an insult by the Vikings. Unfortunately, he is already dead.
- 1545 - The Tudor warship Mary Rose sinks off Portsmouth, after leaving a porthole ajar in a storm.
- 1553 - Jean Grey (pictured) is replaced as Phoenix by Queen Mary, after holding that title for just nine days.
- 1788 - The constant chatter of swallows returning to San Juan Capistrano wakes the kraken. Not able to go back to sleep, it goes out for breakfast only to get burnt hash browns and the wrong kind of toast.
- 1864 - Rebels are defeated in the Taiping Rebellion by Chinese forces, with elements regrouping to join Robert E. Lee in Virginia.
- 1870 – France declares war on Chef Boyardee, starting the Franco-American War.
- 1877 - The first Wimbledon Tennis Championship is held, oddly enough, in Hoboken, New Jersey.
- 1992 - Actor Luke Perry reaches the height of his celebrity and records a world-record 18 public service announcements in one day.
- 1977 - The first GPS signal is sent and scientists tracking it are sent to parts unknown, never to be seen again.
- 2009 - After not returning en masse to San Juan Capistrano, biologists carefully glue any swallows they find into their nests. Local restaurants are unable to serve all-you-can-eat roast swallow dinners.
- 2622 - Time machines are invented, and history is re-written. All the above is rendered possibly false.
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| Word of the Day
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Death
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
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| In the news
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- Oscar Wilde writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
- Editors of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint earwig-human hybrid to manage Recent News.
- Jesus was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
- Gothic people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
- The emos commit mass suicide, but nobody cares...duh...
- Mourners flow through the streets of New York in melodramatic fashion,
demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
- All Uncyclopedians are wearing black armbands.
- The Japanese are comitting mass seppuku.
- The British are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In France, rioting ensues.
- Physicists at IITb publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
- The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
- All the Russians are drunk. All the Dutch are stoned. Peyote use at an alarming high among Native Americans.
- In the middle east the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
- The Americans have organised a drive through service.
a duh /b/ was here
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| If anyone cares on a day like today...
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| *... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
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| Today's featured Tombstone
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[vote]
| Hand grenade.jpg - 30 total votes ( 33 / 3 )
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The M822 Hand Grenade is an explosive device that resembles a hand. On activation, the device lunges towards the nearest throat or throat-like object and latches on tight with its five "fingers" exploding violently in a gruesome mess. Special care must be taken when activating the grenade. When activated, one should run behind the nearest wall or bush and squat down, so that the grenade cannot "see" you.
Image credit: Mosquitopsu
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Archive - Nominate new image
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Protected by Sacred Ground, and our Prayers.
