James Madison

Madison's attempt to abolish the Bank of The United States was honored by his portrait on 5000$ banknotes

James Alva Madison was an ingenious inventor and the fourth President of the United States of America.

Long time before Time, Life and Newsweek, Madison invented the news magazine, and he installed America's secret Co-founding-father Alfred E. Neuman as editor of the first of these periodicals, the Mad Magazine. Thus he was reckognized by the Founding Fathers as a funny young chap capable to make more fun out of their American independence project. Madison's home land Virginia proved to be the ideal playground for him to develop new ideas like that ingenious one called "Checks and Balances", the rules of political Poker. He also presented the USA's last bill which didn't cost a penny. With the money saved that way the United States could buy Louisiana, winning a friendly French touch that way.

As President, Madison invented the square dance, the pride of the countryside. Even the smallest American villages got their own Madison Square Garden at the time to practice that joyous quadrille. Sixty years later, when all these rural dance facilities had been abandoned, New York built its own still famous Madison Square Garden, making Country music a trend of the city and thus part of American identity.

President Madison also invented the "Personal War". He declared his personal Mr. Madison's War against chief Tecumseh and his British allies. This time the bill to pay did cost a high death toll and the destruction of Washington, D.C., but by chance the highly symbolic old battleship USS Constitution survived all the senseless massacres on land and sea, whilst even scuppering British vessels. By accident General Andrew Jackson got a chance for real triumph at last because neither he nor his British enemy combattant had received the message about the war's end by peace treaty, and the Brits ignored the rules of modern tactics. Thus Jackson was the true winner of that useless war's stupendous chaos for he became the hero whom Americans liked to have as one of Madison's successors.

Trivia

• The 5000-Dollar notes are called Madisons. Any fashion retailer can easily be driven mad by thirteen customers appearing at once in his shop, each of them buying a 50$ shirt but paying with a Madison.

see also Large  Mad denominations of United States currency

Preceded by: That guy who fucked slaves

His Frigidity, President of the United States March 4, 1809 – March 4, 1817

Succeeded by: Monroe..er...Marilyn Manson Monroe??