James A. Garfield

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James A. Garfield
James A. Garfield
Political career
Order 20th President
Vice President Chester A. Arthur
Term of office 1881–1881
Preceded by Rutherford B. Hayes
Succeeded by Chester A. Arthur
Political party Hell Yeah
Personal details
Nationality Cat
Date of birth 1831
Place of birth Earth
Date of death 1881
Place of death How the Hell would I know?
First Lady Arlene

James A. Garfield (November 19, 1831 - September 19, 1881) was a former general from the Civil War who was shot whilst waiting for a train. He survived the bullet but died from lead poisoning. He is most famous for having a quite impressive beard, although not as impressive as his predecessor’s.


Garfield entered the Presidency in an odd way. He gambled away all of his money, and his dad said, "son, you're running for president to earn that money back!" Garfield was disappointed, but he thought that as President, he could execute his dad.

He was elected in 1880 and took office in March 1881. The long delay was because Garfield fell asleep in November 1880 and only woke up a few hours before his enthronement as president. It is believed he turned into an orange cat during this nap.

Unfortunately, his dad had him executed a few months after taking office by employing. Although James Garfield survived the bullet, he didn't overcome the lead poisoning. He was buried with full honours and was promptly forgotten by everyone as they rushed back to the White House to get the best seat at the wake.