Warren G. Harding

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Warren G. Harding spots a fan.

A. Straight Boner, aka Warren G. Harding (November 2, 1865 - August 2, 1923) , was our United States President who was the reason why the 5th commandment exists. He is the forgotten president, and is also a possible reptilian, at least according to the fictitious state of Wyoming. He married to Judge Judy and prefered his steak 'as raw as a jaw'.

Early Life[edit]

Warren G. Harding, the G standing for Mississippi, was born to a white, southern, red-neck family. Not the stereotypical red necks, but rather, his parents had this skin disease that had their neck's bleed for 20 hours straight. When he was a boy, he joined boxing, and began to beat up kids to get practice. His preferred profession was as a gas station attendant. This was because he originally said at a Thanksgiving dinner, "I want to be PRESIDENT!" but his entire family laughed at his profession choice, before his dad decided to beat him with a wooden ore.


Dorothy Parker celebrates the death of Warren Harding. Goooooalll!

Warren G. Harding was elected President in 1920 because of his constant need to get his dad arrest for, quote on quote, beating a president as a kid. He won, and quickly became the worst president. Harding (that's what she said), as it turns out, knew nothing about politics. He constantly swam in the White House pool naked. Not so surprisingly, he died in 1923 before he could finish his presidency, which was common for him, because he couldn't finish anything in his life, if you catch my drift.

Harding's death led to the famous quip by Dorothy Parker that no one who wasn't alive in the first place could become legally dead in the future. She demanded a commission to investigate. Her case was dismissed on the grounds that she was a vulgar woman. No more was heard from anyone about Harding.