Portal:Religion
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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.
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Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded dragon in the sky that flies around granting wishes, and invoking his wrath. But there are other variations.
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Confession (Catholicism)
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Confession of sins is an integral part of the Catholic faith and practice. The meaning of the word confession, in a Catholic sense, is essentially the same as in the criminal. Confessional inquisitions operate in a similar way to the courts, during confession Believers are considered guilty, until proven exceptionally guilty. To save time penitents are encouraged to admit their 'vile lust of the flesh', 'drooling sin of the eyes', and 'limping pride of the phallus'. The penitent must admit these crimes so the priest may 'cure' them of their debauched animal desire with the bitter medicine of guilt. For these reasons confession of one's sins, or at least of one's sinfulness, is seen by many churches as a prerequisite for becoming a Christian.
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If McGuyver were a Messiah, this move would convince all infidels of his holy power to kick ass.
Books and Other Media
UnBooks - UnBooks:The Nearly-Chaste Mormon's Guide to Quitting Masturbation
UnScripts - UnScripts:Genesis, Episode II: In the Garden of Eden
Unfomercials - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps
Religion in the News
Quote of the Week
“Eh, it's fine, really. No big deal. I'm not offended.”
- ~ God on Apatheism
Did you know...
- ...that Buddhists have higher cancer rates than Eskimos?
- ...God is pissed off?
- ...that Religion is the longest running joke ever?
- ...that Jews souls are made out of bucky balls?
- ...Glenn Beck cries on television because he's a Mormon?
- ...Zoroaster drives Uhurus Mazda?
- ...Bahais have the best bud?
- ...good Muslims only get 61 virgins after taxes?
- ...Mayan prophesies predicted Quantum Computing?
- ...the Shinto religion encourages rabid badger juggling?
- ...that Jesus Christ really hated sand?
- ...that Buddah became overweight after his dad called him a Commercialist?
Spiritually Bankrupt Articles
'Til Eulenspiegel's merry pranks - Antichrist - Beer - Cell division - Determinism - Evil Jesus - Freedom of Expression - Goth - Hyena blazing - Irreducible complexity - Judas Eukaryote - Karma - Loki - Megatron - N00bl3ss3 0bl1ghey - Pope Peter - Qu'ran - Robert Tilton - Scientosophy - Ten Commandments - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps - Virtue - Walkentology - Xristianity - Yah-Weh-Oh! -
Zombie ChristianityReligious Articles That Need Help
Atheist Doctrine - Belief - Cyndi Lauper - Discordianism - Eastern Unorthodox - Feng shui - God Steiger - Holiness - It takes a good Muslim to work out good Islamic jokes - Jainism - Kansas Board of Education - Martin Luther King Jr. - Monk - Neo-Confusionism - Original sin - Protestantism - Qu'ran Canker Sore 31 - Ramayana - Santa Claus - The Midnight Sun - United Church of Awesome - Veggiestrology - Wikipedianity -
Zucchini