Portal:Religion
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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.
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Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded dragon in the sky that flies around granting wishes, and invoking his wrath. But there are other variations.
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Drugs
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Drugs are gifts from God to bestow the feeling of ambrosia on mere mortals. Not only are Jesus's Necessary Accessories, as He would have liked to call them, extremely cool, but they are multifunctional as well. Drugs have the unique and beneficent properties of:
- Making a person feel happy
- Making him simultaneously cool
- Making everyone else uncool until they start using drugs too.
Drugs throughout history[edit]
Drugs have a long and fruitful history full of magic, fancy, significance, and extremely likely exaggeration. Drug use dates back to the twentieth century B.C., where the Ancient Sumerians discovered and cultivated the drug opium. Opium served the useful purpose of keeping the Sumerian civilization occupied and satisfied when the grain crop was insufficient. A crisis occurred when the opium crop failed, but this was solved with the cultivation of codeine some two hundred years later.
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The Messiah, goes to Heaven for three days, to let his Father borrow His glue gun.
Books and Other Media
UnBooks - UnBooks:DIY and Carpentry Tips by Jesus Christ
UnScripts - UnScripts:Who built the moon
Unfomercials - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps
Religion in the News
Quote of the Week
“If you don't agree with absolutely everything I say that means God hates you and you are going to Hell”
- ~ Fred Phelps on Everyone.
Did you know...
- ...that Buddhists have higher cancer rates than Eskimos?
- ...God is pissed off?
- ...that Religion is the longest running joke ever?
- ...that Jews souls are made out of bucky balls?
- ...Glenn Beck cries on television because he's a Mormon?
- ...Zoroaster drives Uhurus Mazda?
- ...Bahais have the best bud?
- ...good Muslims only get 61 virgins after taxes?
- ...Mayan prophesies predicted Quantum Computing?
- ...the Shinto religion encourages rabid badger juggling?
- ...that Jesus Christ really hated sand?
- ...that Buddah became overweight after his dad called him a Commercialist?
Spiritually Bankrupt Articles
'Til Eulenspiegel's merry pranks - A.R.C. - B4 - Christian Right - Dashboard Confessional - Eris Discordia - Father Christmas - Global Panic - HowTo:Start a Religion - Intelligent Falling - Joan of Arc - KoShare - Landover Baptist Church - Mugabetheism - Organised religion - Papercupism - Quakerism - Racism - Salvation - The Holy Spirit - Unitarian Universalism - Virtue - Walpurgisnacht - Xenu - Yah-Weh-Oh! -
Zombie JesusReligious Articles That Need Help
Archimedes - Belief - Creation - Discalced Carmelites - Easter of the Living Dead - Feng shui - God Steiger - Holy cock - Intolerance - Jainism - Kansas Board of Education - Martin Luther King Jr. - Male Reproductive System: Attorney At Law - Neo-Confusionism - Original sin - Protestantism - Quakers - Rapist - San Andreas Fault - Tao - United Church of Awesome - Veggiestrology - We Are Scientists -
Zucchini