Portal:Religion
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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.
By far the holiest portal you will ever find. |
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Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded dragon in the sky that flies around granting wishes, and invoking his wrath. But there are other variations.
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God
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“God is dead.”
“You bet He is!”
“Nietzsche is dead. Guess who won that bet?”
God (who also goes by the aliases Yahweh, Allah and Jehovah to evade debt collectors) is the supreme Holy Lord. He is perhaps best known for creating all of existence, with the exception of Himself, unicorns, the Loch Ness Monster, Big Foot, and Devil's food cake. He is burdened with the unfathomable responsibility of sustaining the vital equilibria that allow life to continue, such as answering prayers, starting wars, ending wars and making stars twinkle. Despite this responsibility, God Himself shoehorns these important tasks into the corner whenever an important sports game or horse race is on, as He is the universe's most notorious compulsive gambler.
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If McGuyver were a Messiah, this move would convince all infidels of his holy power to kick ass.
Books and Other Media
UnBooks - UnBooks:Pudgic Bible
UnScripts - UnScripts:Genesis, Episode II: In the Garden of Eden
Unfomercials - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps
Religion in the News
Quote of the Week
“That was Zen, this is Tao.”
- ~ Lao Tzu on The Hydrogen bomb.
Did you know...
- ...that Buddhists have higher cancer rates than Eskimos?
- ...God is pissed off?
- ...that Religion is the longest running joke ever?
- ...that Jews souls are made out of bucky balls?
- ...Glenn Beck cries on television because he's a Mormon?
- ...Zoroaster drives Uhurus Mazda?
- ...Bahais have the best bud?
- ...good Muslims only get 61 virgins after taxes?
- ...Mayan prophesies predicted Quantum Computing?
- ...the Shinto religion encourages rabid badger juggling?
- ...that Jesus Christ really hated sand?
- ...that Buddah became overweight after his dad called him a Commercialist?
Spiritually Bankrupt Articles
'Til Eulenspiegel's merry pranks - Allah - Beer - Change Management - Devilution - Eris Discordia - Family First Party - God v. Nietzsche - Holy Bible: Revised Liberal Edition - Islam - Jizzlam - Kosher - Landover Baptist Church - Malevolent Design - New Clothes, (Emperor's), The - Purgatory - Qu'ran - Reincarnation - Stem cell - The History of The World, Condensed Into One Uncyclopedia Article - Unintelligent Design - Virtue - Walkentology - Xristianity - Yiddish -
ZephyrReligious Articles That Need Help
Allah's law - Baal - Comcast - Driver's License in the World Religions - Existence - Fitna - God 2.0 - Hi-fi - Intolerance - Jesus 2.0 - Kansas Board of Education - Martin Luther King Jr. - Male Reproductive System: Attorney At Law - Nun - Original sin - Protestant Reformation - Quakers - Republican Jesus - St. Belia - Trinity - Un-religion - Veggiestrology - Wikipedianity -
Zucchini