Portal:Religion

Portal:Religion

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal. By far the holiest portal you will ever find.

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Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded dragon in the sky that flies around granting wishes, and invoking his wrath. But there are other variations.

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Highlighted Featured Article

Captain Jesus

“YARRR! Avast ye maties, thar be our messiah!”

~ Any pirate on Captain Jesus

For the other captain who has messianic qualities, see Captain Jack Sparrow.

Jesus de Christo (pronounced Jesse Enfield), or, as his crew acknowledges him, Captain Jesus, is the leader of the pirate vessel, The Ark and son of famed science man Chuck Norris. Many pirates hail him as the High Seas Messiah, although most just go 'arr!' and get back to whatever they were doing before he happened to walk up to them.

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Highlighted Image

There is some confusion as to whether Jesus actually rode a raptor, or had a pack of attack raptors.

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Books and Other Media

UnBooks - UnBooks:Pudgic Bible

UnScripts - UnScripts:Who built the moon

Unfomercials - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps

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Religion in the News

• UnNews:Westboro Baptist Church protests Uncyclopedia

• UnNews:Pat Boone warns: "Christians, here come the lions!"

• UnNews:Aliens demand apology from Church

• UnNews:Police seek prophet in attempted herbicide

• UnNews:Pat Boone warns: "Christians, here come the lions!"

• UnNews:Obama's divine powers fading

• UnNews:In space, no one can hear the call to prayerl

• UnNews:Millionaire ordered to demolish giant volcano moon base after 'secretly' building laser doomsday weapon

• UnNews:Shopping assistants aspire to become serial killers

• UnNews:Westboro Baptist Church protests Uncyclopedia

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Quote of the Week

“It's only a comedy because people get submerged in dung.”

~ Dante on The Divine Comedy

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Did you know...

• ...that Buddhists have higher cancer rates than Eskimos?
• ...God is pissed off?
• ...that Religion is the longest running joke ever?
• ...that Jews souls are made out of bucky balls?
• ...Glenn Beck cries on television because he's a Mormon?
• ...Zoroaster drives Uhurus Mazda?
• ...Bahais have the best bud?
• ...good Muslims only get 61 virgins after taxes?
• ...Mayan prophesies predicted Quantum Computing?
• ...the Shinto religion encourages rabid badger juggling?
• ...that Jesus Christ really hated sand?
• ...that Buddah became overweight after his dad called him a Commercialist?

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Spiritually Bankrupt Articles

Religion

'Til Eulenspiegel's merry pranks - Angels - Jamshid Bauerdinedshad - Cyborg Judas - Devilution - Existence of God - Fourier Transform - God v. Nietzsche - HowTo:Find God - ITSCON - Jehovah's Witness - Kabbalah - Loki - Meaning of life - Nun accelerator - Prophet polywag - Quakerism - Ten General Commandments of All Humanity - St. Bernard - Totally Torah: Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers. - Unitarian Universalism - Voidism - Wild Jews - XBible 360 - Yenta -

Zombie Jesus

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Religious Articles That Need Help

Archimedes - Belief - Celestial Teapotism - Driver's License in the World Religions - Existence - Feng shui - Gods - Holiness - It takes a good Muslim to work out good Islamic jokes - Jainism - Kansas Board of Education - Martin Luther King Jr. - Mass (church) - Nun - Original sin - Protestant Reformation - Qu'ran Canker Sore 31 - Rapist - Smart - That 700 Club - Ultimate Question - Veggiestrology - We Are Scientists -

Zucchini