Portal:Religion
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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.
By far the holiest portal you will ever find. |
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Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded dragon in the sky that flies around granting wishes, and invoking his wrath. But there are other variations.
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Billy Graham
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Q: What did Jesus mean when He said the meek will "inherit the earth"? Am I supposed to be doing something to prepare? If so, what? — T. L.
A: First of all it's important to realize you are not alone in your worry. As you probably well know, it was during His Sermon on the Mount that Jesus said: "Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth" (Matthew 5:5).
This has caused no shortage of anxiety on the part of the meek, who are given to being rather squeamish in the first place. It throws at their feet a rather lofty goal, but with much key information omitted — specifically, who, how, and when? Does "meek" refer to the collective en masse, or a subset of duly appointed representatives? Are said individuals meeting in a lawyer's office for a reading of the will, at a table engaged in some sort of collective bargaining agreement, or meeting with the current owners over a cup of coffee for a straight exchange of ownership papers? When is this to occur exactly? Will God be sending one of His angelic representatives by for a chinwag about the particulars, or are we to be searching the earth and skies for some kind of sign? And what, God forbid, should happen if the time arrives and the current rulers of earth decide to renege on the agreement?
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The Messiah, according to Courtnology. Unlike prophecies, this is based in fact.
Books and Other Media
UnBooks - UnBooks:Pudgic Bible
UnScripts - UnScripts:Genesis, Episode II: In the Garden of Eden
Unfomercials - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps
Religion in the News
Quote of the Week
“If you don't agree with absolutely everything I say that means God hates you and you are going to Hell”
- ~ Fred Phelps on Everyone.
Did you know...
- ...that Buddhists have higher cancer rates than Eskimos?
- ...God is pissed off?
- ...that Religion is the longest running joke ever?
- ...that Jews souls are made out of bucky balls?
- ...Glenn Beck cries on television because he's a Mormon?
- ...Zoroaster drives Uhurus Mazda?
- ...Bahais have the best bud?
- ...good Muslims only get 61 virgins after taxes?
- ...Mayan prophesies predicted Quantum Computing?
- ...the Shinto religion encourages rabid badger juggling?
- ...that Jesus Christ really hated sand?
- ...that Buddah became overweight after his dad called him a Commercialist?
Spiritually Bankrupt Articles
'Til Eulenspiegel's merry pranks - Afairyism - Jamshid Bauerdinedshad - Creationism - Demons - Existence of God - Family First Party - God v. Nietzsche - Hinduism - Intelligent Falling - Judyism - Khalil Gibran - Landover Baptist Church - Malevolent Design - N00bl3ss3 0bl1ghey - Pagan - Quakerism - Ramtha - Schroedinger's Jesus - Tehran - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps - Virtue - Wicca - Xristianity - Yah-Weh-Oh! -
ZephyrReligious Articles That Need Help
Archimedes - Baptism - Church of Buffy - Deity Election - Easter of the Living Dead - Fitna - Garden - Holy Habits: Lingerie for Nuns - It takes a good Muslim to work out good Islamic jokes - Jesús - Kansas Board of Education - Martin Luther King Jr. - Magnetism - Nun - Original sin - Protestantism - Qu'ran Canker Sore 31 - Rapist - Santa Claus - That 700 Club - Un-religion - Veggiestrology - Whitism -
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