Portal:Religion

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.

By far the holiest portal you will ever find.

Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded dragon in the sky that flies around granting wishes, and invoking his wrath. But there are other variations.

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Captain Jesus

“YARRR! Avast ye maties, thar be our messiah!”
~ Any pirate on Captain Jesus

For the other captain who has messianic qualities, see Captain Jack Sparrow.

Jesus de Christo (pronounced Jesse Enfield), or, as his crew acknowledges him, Captain Jesus, is the leader of the pirate vessel, The Ark and son of famed science man Chuck Norris. Many pirates hail him as the High Seas Messiah, although most just go 'arr!' and get back to whatever they were doing before he happened to walk up to them.

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Books and Other Media

UnBooks - UnBooks:Pudgic Bible

UnScripts - UnScripts:Genesis, Episode II: In the Garden of Eden

Unfomercials - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps

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Religion in the News

UnNews:Face of Jesus discovered on seabed

UnNews:Bishops warn against Reiki

UnNews:God admits "I experimented with evolution"

UnNews:Haggard feels "fabulous!"

UnNews:Papal proclamation to procure profit for prophet

UnNews:Obama bows to Saudi king, triggers fall of Western Civilisation

UnNews:In space, no one can hear the call to prayerl

UnNews:Meditating monks accused of sleeping on the job

UnNews:Satanic front group convenes in Vienna

UnNews:American toy company seeks Muslim market share

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Quote of the Week

“You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of missiles, or nuclear, chemical or biological weapons.”

~ Apple iTunes EULA Part 10 on stupid policies (Don't believe me? Google it!}}

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