Portal:Religion
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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.
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Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded dragon in the sky that flies around granting wishes, and invoking his wrath. But there are other variations.
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Seven Deadly Sins
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“One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Seven Deadly Sins! Ha ha ha ha! (Thunder!) ”
“I didn't do that”
The Seven Deadly Sins, also known as the Capital Vices (Not to be confused with the word VICE) or Cardinal Sins (Not to be confused with the high-ranking catholic priest who molested your little brother), is a classification of the most objectionable vices (Not to be confused with the device for your toothpaste) which has been used since early Christian times to educate and instruct followers concerning (morality) fallen man's tendency to sin.
The Catholic Church divided sin into two principal categories: (1) "whatever", which are relatively minor, and no one cares about, and the more severe "Capital" or Mortal sins (Not to be confused with Mortal Kombat). Mortal sins destroyed the life of grace (You bastards! I LOVE her! You killed my imaginary girlfriend, you shitholes!), and created the threat of eternal damnation unless either absolved through the sacrament of Confession, or forgiven through perfect something something something on the part of the penitent, something something bla bla bla bla, yadda yadda.
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The Messiah, according to Courtnology. Unlike prophecies, this is based in fact.
Books and Other Media
UnBooks - UnBooks:The Nearly-Chaste Mormon's Guide to Quitting Masturbation
UnScripts - UnScripts:Genesis, Episode II: In the Garden of Eden
Unfomercials - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps
Religion in the News
Quote of the Week
“YARRR! Avast ye maties, thar be our messiah!”
- ~ Any pirate on Captain Jesus.
Did you know...
- ...that Buddhists have higher cancer rates than Eskimos?
- ...God is pissed off?
- ...that Religion is the longest running joke ever?
- ...that Jews souls are made out of bucky balls?
- ...Glenn Beck cries on television because he's a Mormon?
- ...Zoroaster drives Uhurus Mazda?
- ...Bahais have the best bud?
- ...good Muslims only get 61 virgins after taxes?
- ...Mayan prophesies predicted Quantum Computing?
- ...the Shinto religion encourages rabid badger juggling?
- ...that Jesus Christ really hated sand?
- ...that Buddah became overweight after his dad called him a Commercialist?
Spiritually Bankrupt Articles
'Til Eulenspiegel's merry pranks - A proper Christian burial - Brian Tamaki - Christian Science - Divine Retribution - Evil - Freedom of speech - Godwins Law - Hardline - Intelligent Design By Committee - Jerry Falwell - Kosher - LaVeyan Vegetarianism - Mount of Venus - Organised religion - Pope Anacletus - Qu'ran - Raptor Jesus - Satanic Bible - The Tao of Pooh - Unitarian Universalism - Virtue - War on Science - Xenu - Yiddish -
Zombie ChristianityReligious Articles That Need Help
Atheist Doctrine - Bhagavad Gita - Cyndi Lauper - Doomsday - Exorcism - Fitna - Gud - Holiness - It's hard out here for a pimp - Jesus 2.0 - Kansas Board of Education - Martin Luther King Jr. - Mentalist - New atheism - Original sin - Passover - Qu'ran Canker Sore 31 - Republican Jesus - Santa Claus - The Flood Trial - United Church of Awesome - Veggiestrology - We Are Scientists -
Zucchini