Portal:Religion
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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.
By far the holiest portal you will ever find. |
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Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded dragon in the sky that flies around granting wishes, and invoking his wrath. But there are other variations.
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Captain Jesus
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“YARRR! Avast ye maties, thar be our messiah!”
For the other captain who has messianic qualities, see Captain Jack Sparrow.
Jesus de Christo (pronounced Jesse Enfield), or, as his crew acknowledges him, Captain Jesus, is the leader of the pirate vessel, The Ark and son of famed science man Chuck Norris. Many pirates hail him as the High Seas Messiah, although most just go 'arr!' and get back to whatever they were doing before he happened to walk up to them.
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The Messiah, according to Courtnology. Unlike prophecies, this is based in fact.
Books and Other Media
UnBooks - UnBooks:DIY and Carpentry Tips by Jesus Christ
UnScripts - UnScripts:Who built the moon
Unfomercials - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps
Religion in the News
Quote of the Week
“Eh, it's fine, really. No big deal. I'm not offended.”
- ~ God on Apatheism
Did you know...
- ...that Buddhists have higher cancer rates than Eskimos?
- ...God is pissed off?
- ...that Religion is the longest running joke ever?
- ...that Jews souls are made out of bucky balls?
- ...Glenn Beck cries on television because he's a Mormon?
- ...Zoroaster drives Uhurus Mazda?
- ...Bahais have the best bud?
- ...good Muslims only get 61 virgins after taxes?
- ...Mayan prophesies predicted Quantum Computing?
- ...the Shinto religion encourages rabid badger juggling?
- ...that Jesus Christ really hated sand?
- ...that Buddah became overweight after his dad called him a Commercialist?
Spiritually Bankrupt Articles
'Til Eulenspiegel's merry pranks - Antichrist - Black Metal - Church of Later Day Saints - Deviled eggs - Existence of God - Freedom of speech - Gnostic - Hardline - Irreducible complexity - Joan of Arc - Khalil Gibran - Landover Baptist Church - Manic Street Preachers - Ninja-Pirate Assembly of God - Purgatory - Qu'ran - Raptor Jesus - Saint - The Holy Rock - Unintelligent Design - Voidism - Walpurgisnacht - Xenu - Yenta -
Zombie JesusReligious Articles That Need Help
Allah's law - Bassism - Colloquialism - Duckism - Easter of the Living Dead - Fitna - Garden - Hedwig and the angry inch - It's hard out here for a pimp - JR "Bob" Dobbs - Kansas Board of Education - Martin Luther King Jr. - Mosque - New atheism - Original sin - Passover - Qu'ran Canker Sore 31 - Republican Jesus - Santa Claus - Trinity - Ultimate Question - Veggiestrology - We Are Scientists -
Zucchini