Raving Rabbids
“If anyone asks, we're not related.”
Raving Rabbids (commonly called Rabbids) are a genetically modified mutation of rabbits with rabies — mentally retarded creations of Mad Science.
History[edit]
In 1982, scientists began work on a genetically modified breed of rabbits which could give humans somewhat valuable information about the DNA and origins of Martians. This involved giving the rabbits extensive plastic surgery, injecting them with several diseases found on Mars, and feeding them artificially-produced intelligence pills (which never reached their intended result, limiting the rabbids to a state of rage). However, the President deemed the project pointless and funding eventually stopped.
Two months later, an animal rights activist attempted to free the rabbids but was eaten alive, seconds after opening their cages. All the rabbids escaped, quickly branching to America's forests and soon shifting over to storage cupboards.
Description[edit]
A typical rabbid is roughly the size of a rabbit. It is covered with white fur, has long ears, abnormally huge buck teeth, and big eyes that vary from a sky blue to a demonic red.
Rabbids are also very unintelligent and retarded creatures, having a brain the size of a miniature peanut. Rabbids have a weird sexual fetish for toilet plungers. Rabbids are usually in a calm and cute state, however they will quickly turn into maniacal lunatics; screaming and running around while making their ear-splitting calls: "Bwaaaaaah!".
It is a strange fact that rabbids don't have noses or necks. Another strange thing is that there are no females in their species, so they must regenerate by telepathic means, or possibly impregnating human hosts, much like the "Alien" creature.
In Video Games[edit]
Rayman (the guy with no limbs but somehow has hands and feet) is especially affected by the rabbid population, who find it fun to include themselves in his games by means of complex hacking. One of them also raped his brother, Gary, who was permenantly hospitalised. At this point, Ubisoft upped the Rayman games' security, rendering the rabbid's hacking skills pointless. Even with the rabbids finally out of Rayman's world, they invaded non-Ubisoft video games, making a number of random cameo appearances in many video games.
Eventually, the rabbids were given their own series of video games. Their games became so popular that the rabbids have gained more popularity than Rayman himself, much to his dismay. Rayman has lost all hope in video games and now lives the lonely life of a morbidly-obese basement dweller.
Diet[edit]
Rabbids are not rabbits, and they don't like vegetables. So don't try to feed them carrots, because if you do you will get your face bitten off! A rabbid's main diet consists of waffles, cheeseburgers, brains, gopher fetuses, and chicken cock. Rabbids also like the taste of toilet water (possibly explaining their desire of toilet plungers). Some rabbids eat grapes, too.
At times of starvation or extreme insanity, rabbids may resort to cannibalism. In fact, rabbids taste like marshmallows; this is possibly because rabbids have some traces of marshmallow in their DNA (resulting in their white color and lack of necks).
Enemies[edit]
It must be obvious that rabbids have a lot of enemies. As already mentioned, Rayman is an enemy of rabbids (especially raving rabbids). Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson has made several offensive comments about rabbids.
“Rabbids are freaks of nature that make even the platypus look normal. They are freaks of nature that deserve to be hunted to extinction!”
It is rumored that rabbids may be involved with the death of Osama Bin Laden. Local pedophile Barney the Dinosaur has had complaints about being frequently pulled out of his bathtub and beaten mercilessly by rabbids with golf clubs. Personally, I hate rabbids for being more of retards than rabbits.
“I'm hunting wabbids. Heh, heh, heh, heh.”
Although rabbids have many enemies, they only have a few natural predators. Their main predators are grues, which are one of the few carnivorous creatures that can kill and eat a rabbid without ease. Another predator of rabbids is the drop bear. Drop bears and rabbids have had a long history of violence, mainly because they are both cute and cuddly but vicious creatures capable of killing you at the same time. Luckily the two animals rarely meet. But when they do, you'll want to get the crap outta there!
Rabbids and 9/11[edit]
The horrific incident of 9/11 was largely caused by rabbids.
The Twin Towers had a large supply of toilet plungers, attracting a pack of wild rabbids. The rabbids began wreaking havoc and mayhem. Eventually a plane flying nearby crashed into the building when a bunch of rabbids jumped onto the aircraft and tore through its exterior (the pilot thankfully died in the crash, sparing him the fate of being torn apart by hungry rabbids). The explosion finally occured when a rabbid threw a flaming desk into a room filled with dynamite sticks. Following this event, a rabbid extermination programme was to be started. However, George W. Bush didn't want to be the next target for raving rabbids, also because he thought it would take too much funding. So he blamed the terrorists for 9/11, causing the increase on terrorist threats in the United States. This may be preferable as terrorists pose less of a threat to humanity than rabbids do. The increasing rabbid population has also caused terrorist numbers to plummet into near extinction.
If you see a rabbid[edit]
If you ever come across a raving rabbid, you may likely be plagued by its retardedness. The first thing you'd want to do is wear earplugs so that your head doesn't melt from migraines caused by the rabbids' loud Bwaaaaaah. However, there are some specific items that can do an especially good job at keeping rabbids away. These may include:
- A chainsaw: Rabbids have never heard of these things.
- Chuck Norris: The only person who NEVER has to worry about rabbid attacks. Summon him to deal with your rabbid problems, but only summon him sparingly.
- Bombs: This powerful item can kill multiple rabbids at once, but use them wisely.
- A Pineapple: The time will come...
If you run into a rabbid and don't have any of the weapons above, the best option is to run into the nearest church. Don't try to shoot a rabbid's head off. It can magically fire the projectile back at you. Also don't try to snap its neck - they have no necks! The best way to get rid of a rabbid is to play Rayman: Raving Rabbids. If you lose, you're screwed.