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“Run, Forest, run!”

~ Oscar Wilde on forest

“If only the rainforests were more like basketballs.....because I own at basketball!”

~ Sunny

Trees often get in the way of big bad riding mowers when used in forests.

A forest is a type of mythical place that exists anywhere a large group (usually 1,000 or more) of trees grow. Though the existence of forests is widely accepted among the scientific, ecological and governmental communities, documented proof of their existence is unavailable because few people can see the forest for the trees.

Although concrete evidence proving the existence of forests is lacking, there is a large amount of suggestive evidence available. This evidence is presented in the next few paragraphs, so you can stop reading now.

95% of the world's forests are in Oregon, the other 4% is in the country of Amazon and the other 1%'s last name is Gump.

Evidence Supporting the Existence of Forests[edit]


Trees are the most important aspect of the forest concept. Scientists have found a strong correlation between the number of trees in the area and the size and importance of a forest. The most conclusive evidence supporting the tree-count-to-forest-size correlation comes from areas along the Amazon River in South America. Intensive logging of the trees along this river is destroying the rain forest contained within. Although the destruction of the rain forest by logging activities in the Amazon is the most widely publicised, forests are being destroyed all over the world. Activist groups such as Greenpeace and The Nature Conservancy are actively fighting extensive logging activities worldwide in order to preserve some of Earth’s most mystical forests. They are also getting their asses kicked.

Forest Animals[edit]

In addition to the correlation between tree-count and forest size, there also exists a correlation between the survival of certain animals and the presence of a forest. Animals that rely on a forest for life are known as ‘forest animals’ or ‘woodland creatures’. There is strong evidence to suggest that the destruction of a forest results in the death of forest animals and woodland creatures. Although there is also a strong correlation between the presence of trees and the survival of forest creatures, this correlation is clearly circumstantial – as you may recall, forests only exist within large areas of trees. In addition, the animals living within the forest are called ‘forest animals’ and not ‘tree animals’ which indicates that it is the forest that is important to the survival of forest and woodland creatures, not the presence of trees. Common species of forest animals include the Spider-Man and Batman whom web sling, glide and grappling hook from branch to branch. Further proof that it is the forest and not the trees that are important for forest and woodland creature survival was shown by Smith et al in 1994. Smith and his associates released black bears, a common forest creature of North America, into Central Park - a large area in the middle of New York City that contains many trees - and found that the bears quickly died of gunshot wounds.

Forests are notorious for hosting supernatural monsters, darkness loving creatures, diabolical plants, and murderous apparitions. What a cameraman will typically see in a forest.

Peaceful Feelings[edit]

Another piece of evidence that clearly supports the existence of these mystical places known as forests is a peaceful, calm feeling most people get when walking through, or living next to, a large group of trees belonging to a forest. This calm, peaceful feeling is not felt by people walking through or living near other areas where trees exist, such as large cities with treed boulevards, paths leading to haunted mansions, and edges of cliffs. Psychologists maintain that “feelings are real… and DO matter”. Therefore, the happy feelings that people experience while walking through, or living near, a large group of trees belonging to a forest are not felt when walking through busy cities, heading toward a haunted house, or perched on the edge of a tree-lined cliff. This provides clear evidence that these large gatherings of trees encompass an unseen mystical force that can only be described as a forest. This feeling can suddenly cease because you realize you stepped in dinosaur shit.

See Also[edit]