Amitabh Bachchan
Amitabh Bachchan aka Big Daddy is the tallest person from the state of Bollywood and the oldest actor ever to live. His skills including dancing with hundreds of chicks at the gay bar, reciting poems, beating up men and women of all ages and notoriosly picking his nose in the public. He is also known for his extremely feminish voice and dubs for bahus from saas bahu serials of India. He has a wife - Jaya Bhaduri and tranny-son - Abhishek 'Gavin' Bachchan. All of them live in the state of Bollywood. He is also married to Human Bambi Ass-war-ya Rai.They have three kids all settled in his home town in north India. He is most popular as the brand ambassador of Dabur chavanprash. He has a famous tatoo on his right wrist which reads - This is my right. Amitabh is the owner of the company called ABCL. ABCL (founded 1996) is the holder of a guinness record for the company that has been idle for the longest number of years - 13, and still counting.
School[edit]
He attended a Girls School, and was the topper in the home economics class. He greatly enjoyed his school days and went on to get a degree in fart.
Acting[edit]
Noted thespian and cry baby, appeared in many films including lots of singing, begging and dancing. He sings, he dances, he kicks and sucks ass and he looks cool doing it. Notable acting roles include Sholay about a man without hands who wished to wash his shit off his ass (in India they don't use toilet papers, because they don't want shit streaks or paper shreds lying between their ass cheeks for some weird reason) but could not due to lack of hands. So the handless man hired two goons who would help him to wash the shit off his ass. One of the goons was Bachchan who eventually dies a martyr's death trying to wash the shit. He liked this role so much that he does this job till date. Call for an appointment at 1-800-BUM-WIPE.
Bachchan's earliest role was Satinde Khazi, he took the role because he had chronic diarrhea at the time and so couldn't go far. Bachchan acted without any make up for the movie 'Paa' to do a real life role, and showed his real face to everyone. On seeing him all the wild animals ran helter skelter, and mongooses fornicated with snakes that day. He is also rumored to be a actor without tractor. He is close to Mayawati and baths with her every day.
Trivia[edit]
- Owns a mobile phone company called KKKG
- Despite in many of his more recent films playing cops on the verge of retirement and being very tall, he doesn't know an Orangutang called Clive.
- Had a doll called Parveen Barbie when he was young.
- Has a celebrity status in India. Was outraged when he and his family had to wait for hours in queue to enter Tirupathi (a famous temple in India where people get bald in order to show their devotion), just like any other common man.
- There is a rumour that he is not bald and he does not use a wig.
- He wanted to marry Ashwarya but she ran away with his son who is an Inch taller than his father. In agony he started calling his daughter in law "Ae suariya" which means "O swine".
- But now he has fitted a camera in her bathroom and says something is better than nothing.
Screen Death[edit]
Killed off in a fight scene with Shilpa Shetty that Bollywood producers wrote in to emphasise Bollywood's embracing new radical feminist concepts and appealing to Big Brother fans.
An ageing cop gone bad, Amitabh is finally tracked down by Shilpa and attempts to outrun her, she easily catches him and knocks him to the ground. The two separate, Amitabh thinks he can take Shilpa out with one punch but she is too quick and karate chops him, he falls to the ground.
In a desperate lunge he grabs her around the waist and the two roll around in the alley, he thinks his greater size should win the day, but is surprised to find that she seems to be getting the upper hand, desperately he reaches for a bit of broken pipe but at that moment she sits on his chest pinning his arms to the ground with her knees, and knocks him senseless with a couple of punches.
Broken and defeated, his screen image destroyed, there is nothing for Amitabh to do but admit defeat and die from a heart attack.
Amitabh is not bald.
Endorsement[edit]
Amitabh is best known as the actor who popularised dabaar choda chadi. His claims of the product having gold and silver were soon overturned when half the population died due to mercury poisoning. However this has not discouraged him from endorsement.Over the years he has endorsed many products. The list includes Rupa ka chadi aur baniyan
samba ka beedi (inspired from sholay).
bad-berries .
ship matches .
viagra for baldies down-under.
garb nirodhak goliya (starred along with ash).
mulayam tel.
lic's -amar schemes.
UP ki beti (as a gender confused bhihari lost in UP).
VHPs anti cow-slagughter campaign . (tag- meri ghai palampuri, with jaya starrin as ghai)
and millions more.
Cross Dressing[edit]
In a tearful interview with an old goat (Barbara Walters), Amitabh Bachchan finally admitted that in his youth, he used to turn tricks (literally: He used to pull baloons out of his bellybutton ) as a shemale escort that went by the name of Amy Tab Bitchin. Barbara Walters responded by saying, "ME TOO!" Both of them hug, kissed, and then walked away. The ratings for this interview were through the roof and put ABC, American Broadcasting Company, now renamed to Amitabh Bachchan Coorporation in his honor, on the map.
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
