Manmohan Singh

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Sardar Manmohan Singh
Sardar Manmohan Singh
Political career
Order 14th prime minister
Vice President N/A
Term of office 2004–
Preceded by Atal Bihari Vajapayee
Succeeded by Rama's next incarnation
Political party Indian National Congress
Personal details
Nationality Indian
Date of birth 26 September, 1932
Place of birth Punjab, British India
Date of death N/A
Place of death N/A
First Lady Sonia Gandhi Gursharan Kaur

“Bulley bulley! Shahwah shahwah! Chuk they futtey”

~ Manmohan Singh on becoming the prime minister

“How does he sleep with that thing on his head?”

~ Jacob Zuma

Sardar Manmohan Singh (Hindi: मौननीय प्रधान मन्त्री, Punjabi: ਭੈਣ ਦਾ ਲੋੜਾ), AKA "the Turbanator", was the fourteenth prime minister of India, and according to Forbes, is the sexiest man alive. He is the first person in the country to have become the prime minister without benefit of being elected. To express his gratitude to Sonia Gandhi and her party, this Oxford economist has returned the favour by doling out free electricity, free food, free education, free Internet access, and lots of other freebies to a billion people. Under Manmohan-Sonia rule, there now seems to be such a thing as a free lunch.

Early life[edit]

It was a cold and rainy night when Manmohan Singh was born inside a ramshackle home on a shabby, filthy bed on 26 September 1936 in the Punjab province of British India. The bed was small so instead of coming out on the bed, the poor child fell head-first on ground. This made his superstitious parents so concerned that they wrapped a piece of blue cloth around the child's head as precaution, which he wears even to this day.


Manmohan started his career as a ticket tout around the cinemas of Lahore. One day, a British officer caught him red-handed and he was taken to jail. There, because of his turban, he was mistaken for a Taliban fighter and was beaten so severely that he lost his ability to speak.

When the British government realised their mistake, they gave the poor boy a scholarship to study at their most prestigious university, Oxford. This shut up the Human Rights NGOs. At Oxford he completed a PhD in Economics. He would later use his training to secure a job at the World Bank, where he amassed a fortune pimping scarce natural resources of poor countries to rich countries for a heavy commission.

Prime minister[edit]

Manmohan Singh was sitting on his luxurious toilet on 19 May 2004 when his ex-girlfriend Sonia Gandhi phoned him and asked him to become the prime minster, an offer he could not refuse. As prime minister, he has pursued the following policies:

  • He proposed to make it mandatory for Indians to learn Bhangra (bahn-grah) and Gidda.
  • He changed the colour of the telephone he uses to call Pakistan.
  • He steadfastly refused Chinese technological help to build cars that work.


“Singh is King.”

~ Manmohan Singh on Sikhism