Central Institute of Plastics Engineering and Technology
“I am studying in CIPET. And NO, I am not studying Plastics!!”
|Central Institute of Plastics Engineering and Technology|
|Motto||Arcessite, iacta, plastics Parati sumus (Bring it on, throw the plastics, we are here)|
|Campus||Too small to be called "campus"|
|Endowment||7 Rupees 49 paisa|
|Mascot||A person gone nuts|
The Central Institute of Plastics Engineering and Technology (CIPET) is a small not-so-premier "institute" of academics established by the Government of India in 1968 with a "mission" of cleaning out all the plastics lying on the roads of India and producing more and more Kabaadiwallahas. The former, original mission is now abandoned, as made-in-China Wall-E robots are now cheaply available.
CIPET is headquartered in Chennai with several small branches spread all across India.
The history of this small institute dates back to before mankind yet set foot on the Moon. In 1968, a small insect with a gene that coded for cellophane bit Brigadier. A F. Eugene. This insect bite did not transform him into Spider-Man or even Plastic-Man, but transformed his small brain, enabling it to generate truly large ideas. Among these was the creation of an institute devoted to Plastics Engineering.
Plastics were, at the time, not considered a pollutant, but a minor deity somewhere between Hanuman and Ganesha on the divine spectrum. This cultural tendency continues today in some small towns in India built on trash landfills. Work with plastics in these areas consists not so much in engineering one than in finding one intact and using it as a drinking glass.
Mr. Eugene's brainstorm turned lucrative when the Institute devised its first marketable invention. This was, of course, India ink. Unfortunately, the Institute had not invented writing, so the only use for the new plastic the staff could foresee was as a new ingredient in curry cuisine.
Although another aim of establishing the institute was to rope in contracts for space age materials from organisations around the world but it met drastic dead end as the bio degradable plastics that were kept in warehouses to be delivered to NASA were eaten by rats, causing every other organisation to withdraw orders, hence, causing all those orders being assigned to China, which the world repents till today.
A radical new direction
In 1984, the institute acquired the contracts of a dozen professors of Manufacturing Engineering. For Mr. Eugene, it was a negotiating coup, as the faculty was procured in exchange merely for the proverbial bucket of slide rules. But it was problematic, as the new teachers, apart from their pocket protectors, had nothing to do with plastics, the Institute made no move toward changing the P in its acronym to an M or even adding letters, and no one understood how students could graduate from CIPET with nothing but a new infatuation for metal nuts and bolts.
Sadly, India does not have a Taco Bell in every town (as chutney crunchy tacos have never caught on). But every town does have a CIPET outlet, with savoury plastic things sliding off a gleaming conveyor belt at the end of an assembly line. Fully 15 franchises are dispersed through three zones of India. This organisation disperses 10,000 students in order to avoid detection.
The small institute provides small academic services. There is a small number of seats, small teachers, a small number of teachers, small desks, small benches and small classrooms, presided over by smallish professors.
CIPET also provides courses to independent learners and losers and n00bs on various computer modelling softwares so as to earn its bread and butter and chicken nuggets and sometimes, pizza. Every CIPET centre situated all around the country has extraordinary facilities - small labs, a small library with small books, small number of books, small amounts of plastic lying here and there and a small amount of iron filings which is generally produced by the small number of Manufacturing engineering students.
The students get holidays on Saturdays, for which they thank Henry Ford. Indeed, getting a holiday on Saturday is a luxury in India and considered to be a great privilege in which most students take pride. They often celebrate Saturdays by doing practically nothing, or by collecting plastic from roadsides.
As everything in this small institute is small, so is the number of students. Due to such prevalence of smallness everywhere, the students have developed an inferiority complex. They take small portions of food, ride small "Hot Wheels" bicycles, and specialise in small talk. A recent survey found that CIPET students have the worst sex lives in the entire world, revealing another facet of smallness.
When asked about life in the institutes, CIPET students answer with phrases such as "IHTFP" (which, surprisingly, does not stand for "I Have The Finest Professors") and show diverse physical reactions ranging from throwing plastic explosives and iron filing bombs to simply tapping the head of the asker hard with the longest wrench available.
There have been remarkable achievements by the alumni of CIPET, namely:
- Establishing plastic recycling factories - This is the primary objective of every graduate. This is the rite of passage that every true Kabaadiwallah passes through in order to be accepted in the society.
- Creation of Kabaadiwallahs' Chamber of Commerce - The world famous Kabaadiwallahs' Chamber of Commerce was established by four former students whose whereabouts are nowhere to find as the secrets are hidden somewhere in one of the small campuses in India.
- Going to University of Toronto and getting kicked out - Another thing that the graduates are proud of. Some students after graduating go to University of Toronto, but as you will find out eventually, they get kicked out.
- Being unemployed - The Holiest thing that happens in the "campus". It is a favourite hobby of almost 98.261% of the final year students.
- Doing absolutely nothing - The reason why they get kicked out of University of Toronto.
All the aforementioned achievements are by Plastics Engineering students. No student of the Manufacturing Engineering curriculum has ever graduated, for obvious reasons.
- Logo - The logo of CIPET stands for a small, vertical, incapable, impotent, small “thing” that female human beings usually don’t prefer.
- Uniform - Colours matching to those of Indian Railways janitors.
- Very Small
- Even smaller