From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Aluminum)
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Now, They made me volunteer for the speech and say some stuff about Aluminium, so here I go... I'm not the best speaker, but please bear with me on this one guys n' girls.

Isn't it shiny? Aluminum also un-heavy! Cool right?

Properties of Aluminium[edit]

Aluminium is a metal which is not only unheavy, but also stronger than Steel, whilst being less heavy. Aluminium is however, not a light metal, as it is not moving at the speed of light. Therefore, it is not light, but rather, un-heavy. It is also shiny, and shiny means good, but as matte is good (because it is like, not as noticeable) but when other stuff isn't matte, it stands out really nicely, like my Ford Mustang in Need for Spe... oh, sorry for going off on a tangent. Anyhow, it can be painted any color. But the paint will not stick for long unless it is wrapped in duct tape. Also, aluminium has great thermal properties, which is why it is used in heatsinks, or cooling systems, as it transfers heat, or something like that.

Uses of Aluminium[edit]

This magical metal, is utilized in the production of:

  • Airplanes, as they need to be un-heavy, as airplanes are not supposed to be heavy, which would make the airplane sink due to the weight, and therefore, not fly.
  • Foil, as aluminium makes for a stark contrast on the character displayed by steel, giving a dionysian counter, to the appalonian nature of steel, who displays a ovidian perspective, rather than aluminium's forward ideology.
  • Cars, because cars that are un-heavy, are more efficient, and since the gas at Chevron is like, $4.52 to the gallon, its insane man!
    It's soo cool, this car is almost all aluminium! IT'S AWESOME. Oh wait.. this is for informational purposes. Yeah, it's aluminium.
    You won't believe how hard it is to find cheap gas, save drilling for your own oil, and then getting it refined... oh I must be going on a tangent again... damn, gotta keep it together I should have taken my vyvanse....
  • The Zune. Now, before you shoot me down for this, I just listed it because the Zune is made of aluminium, this does not mean I like or dislike it. I don't have a personal opinion about this, like, at all.
  • Computers, you won't believe how many computers have aluminium components in them, or have aluminium cases. Ergo, I think that this is a very valid thing to list. For example, the heatsink in my computer has aluminium fins, which disperse the heat well. One failed attempt at using the properties on aluminium for a heatsink, is the Apple III computer. I mean, that thing had no ventilation! It was like, just a block of aluminium, I lol'd when I read about it... I think it was on a computer website, something like, worst 20 computers or something. That thing was fun to read. Oh damn, sorry, I promise, it won't happen again.
  • Armor, I mean, since it is so un-heavy, yet still strong, I would expect it to be used in armor, as light, but strong armor is obviously better than heavy and weak armor.
This is the one I have, isn't it cool looking?
  • Yo-Yos, there are many aluminium yo-yos in the market nowadays, I mean, not only are they better than the plastic yo-yos, but damn... they look cool. I have an aluminium yo-yo... wait I need to focus. Anyways, aluminium is also used due to its unheavyness, and smoothyness.


So, basically in the past, aluminium was about as valuable as silver, because mining it back in the day, as some people say (I'm a poet and I don't know it!), was extremely difficult, and silver and aluminium kind of look the same, so they could be interchangeable I guess. I think that the metal thing on top of the Washington Memorial, was aluminium, but then they changed it to silver, or maybe vice versa. I guess if they put silver on top, that would be stupid, because silver can oxidize and get tarnished and stuff. Or maybe they treated it with something. Anyways, when aluminium mining was simplified, the price went down. So, when the price went down, lots of stuff started using aluminium, and that made it much better, because the aluminium replaced the steel in some things, making said things more un-heavy. In fact, many things today have abandoned steel in favor of aluminium. But my opinion is that, even though steel is more heavy than aluminium, it is cheap. Plus steel sounds cooler than Ah-loo-myhn-e-um, right? I mean, what kind of metal has that kind of name? Anyways, it is used a whole lot in today's world, for all sorts of things, even though I don't like the metal that much.

Other Facts About Aluminium[edit]

Periodic table of the elements
H He
Li Be B C N O F Ne
Na Mg Al Si P S Cl Ar
K Ca Sc Ti V Cr Mn Fe Co Ni Cu Zn Ga Ge As Se Br Kr
Rb Sr Y Zr Nb Mo Tc Ru Rh Pd Ag Cd In Sn Sb Te I Xe
Cs Ba Lu Hf Ta W Re Os Ir Pt Au Hg Tl Pb Bi Po At Rn
Fr Ra Lr Rf Db Sg Bh Hs Mt Ds Rg Cn Nh Fl Mc Lm Ts Og
La Ce Pr Nd Pm Sm Eu Gd Tb Dy Ho Er Tm Yb
Ac Th Pa U Np Pu Am Cm Bk Cf Es Fm Md No