Van Weezer

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Van Weezer
Van Weezer cover
Studio album by Weezer
Released May 7, 2021
Recorded 2018–2020
Genre Hard rock, power pop
Length 30:49
Label Atlantic Records, Crush Music
Producer(s) Suzy Shinn
Weezer chronology
OK Human
(2021)
Van Weezer
(2021)
SZNZ
(2022)

“Please, daddy, please, daddy. Pump it up, pump it up. Into me.

~ Rivers Cuomo on drug addiction, apparently

Van Weezer is the name of a promotional stunt conducted by the American rock-band Weezer in 2021. It was to "hype up" the release of the bands fourteenth studio album OK Human which had came out in January. Even though the Weezer Van had nothing to do with OK Human both on paper and theme wise, the stunt was successful enough that it sparked the creation and release of the bands fifteenth studio album, in which most of the songs had been fully recorded and finished since 2018 but with no outlet.

In 2005, Weezer created the Make Believe Van to promote their fifth studio album. After the album's release, the album received negative feedback from critics and so, subsequently, the van that was painted black, decaled with the album's wavy lines, and the band members faces; was burnt and destroyed, never to be seen, or driven again.

Cars 2[edit]

Rivers as he appeared in the film.

In 2010, when Pixar was working on the animated kids film Cars 2, Rivers Cuomo was asked if he would like to have a cameo in the movie. Being a huge car fan himself, enough so that he owned two (one for himself, and the other for his wife), Cuomo agreed and allowed the animators to turn the '90s rockstar into a van while he shot his scene on a green screen. Additionally, Rivers was so excited to be in the film that he made Weezer record a cover of the '80s song "You Might Think" by The Cars, to play in with the whole car theme of the movie. This song, despite pushback from executives with good music taste, was included in the final cut of the movie.

This whole thing, of course, was completely unrelated, and coincidental to the Weezer Van which the band would make ten years later.

The Weezer Van[edit]

After the first Weezer Cruise in 2012, and the second Weezer Cruise in 2014, Rivers planned for a Weezer Camp in 2016. Luckily for most, and unfortunately for some, this Weezer themed camp never happened due to Brian Bell's fear of being attacked by a bear while he slept in his tent at night.

After the release of OK Human, the band needed to work on something new to stay relevant. It was Scott Shriner who reminded the others of the failure that was the Make Believe Van, to which Patrick Wilson stated "It wasn't THAT bad. I mean, I say we do it again." Rivers eventually caved in after he was told that he could get an axe guitar, grow a mullet, and do some '80s-style glam metal songs.

This Weezer Van was a success and led to the band making the album Van Weezer. Later that year, Karl Koch was arrested for driving a piece of shit van by the New York police, but was let go with a warning after the officers listened to "Hero" and thought it was 'okay'.

CD release[edit]

The average Weezer listener when they got their CD.

Since Rivers had to quickly put the album together, he swapped around the words "Weezer" and "Van" and removed the "The", to make the second Weezer album of 2021;Van Weezer.

Also due to the album being made last minute, much like 2010 compliation album Death to False Metal, Rivers used a free Photoshop lightning background, and a free font off Google to create the awesome looking "hard, heavy, fingerpoppin' rock" cover that totally captures the mix that is Weezer and Van Halen.

The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run[edit]

Much like with Cars 2, Weezer was also asked to make a song for the new SpongeBob SquarePants movie. Rivers was asked to cameo in the film also, but pulled out last second...not wanting to have a third child. He also didn't want to be in a film named after a Paul McCartney song, after he was ridiculed online for using auto-tune when he sang a cover of "If I Fell" by The Beatles — even though the song in question is a Wings song.

Reception[edit]

The album received mostly favorable reviews from music critics; however, almost all of them questioned what, if anything, the album had to do with Van Halen or classic rock music.

Track listing[edit]

No.TitleLength
1."Villain"3:56
2."All the Bad Twos"2:44
3."The Start of the Round"3:01
4."I Need Heaps of This"3:19
5."End of the Start"3:15
6."Red Nightmare"2:50
7."10 More Slaps"3:05
8."Matey Can Do Her"2:57
9."He Needs You"2:52
10."Precious Plastic Boy"2:50
Total length:30:49

Personnel[edit]