UnNews:Rivers Cuomo says Weezer needs "more music"

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15 May 2023

Cuomo typically gets up to nothing during the Winter, except to record his fourth album of the year.

LOS ANGELES, California -- The nerdy frontman of the rock band Weezer, Rivers Cuomo, has reflected on his discography since 1994 and has come to only one conclusion — he needs to "make more music!"

In the four years since 2019, Weezer have released a total of eight albums, almost making up half of the band's complete discography, being that of 20 since their conception in the mid-90s.

"Those blimy Beatles only did twelve albums in seven years," Cuomo said while comparing the sizes of others' dick-ographys. "And the Klaatu-inians made five in six years! Like, they couldn't even manage to do one a year! Bloody canucks."

After Weezer's four-part epic SZNZ last year, also making up half of their released material since the pandemic, Cuomo is once again at the helm of writing a new quantity-over-quality batch of Weezer songs — with most of the quality ones never seeing the light of day after being demoed.

"I plan on bringing that total up to at least thirty by 2027," Cuomo said. "With most of them being a part of my new Teal Album Listening Universe idea, which is totally not a cover in itself of the MCU."

"It's just getting overwhelming," Weezer superfan Frank told sources. "I mean, I can't keep up with all the new albums, EPs, and singles. I remember when it was simple and each one stood on its own two feet. Now, you need to have listened to this, this and that in order to understand this new song! This isn't Star Wars!"

With this, many listeners of the band will continue to only accept The Blue Album, Pinkerton, and OK Human as Weezer canon.