London School of Economics
| The subject of this article is well-endowed. Therefore, they are better than you. Keep that in mind as you read this article. |
“Did you mean the London Stock Exchange?”
“In Soviet Russia, LSE gets savaged by You!”
“Better to have him on the inside pissing out than on the outside pissing in.”
| A Lassie | |
|---|---|
 LSE in its usual intellectual springtime | |
| Motto | Contraho totus Exulcero Perficio Collecting all ye embittered achievers |
| Established | Dingo Ate My Baby Day, 1895 |
| School type | Surreal |
| Head | Petie Mandelson Kicker of Puppies |
| Location | London, Middle-earth, England, UK |
| Campus | Hideous |
| Enrollment | Half of Malaysia by last count |
| Endowment | Several inches[1] |
| Faculty | 1,303 and sometimes Y |
| Mascot | A wet beaver |
The London School of Economics and Political Science is a school that teaches economics and political science in London. It is also a misnomer, as it is actually a university, and it also teaches other things if it feels like. Founded in a Churchill-induced rage by George Bernard Shaw and other less-famous Fabians in 1895, LSE is the most international collection of investment bankers, academics and hardened criminals in one room. Its peculiar student body smothers its rage towards Messrs Oxford and Cambridge into a pillow each morning, before celebrating their long-held superiority over the rest of England's universities and shantytowns by worshiping a ceramic Penguin. Not satisfied with perpetual third place, LSE has produced the strangest assortment of overachievers in the known galaxy, including some dozen Nobel laureates, massive players John F. Kennedy and Mick Jagger, a son of Mugabe, and several women. It routinely distracts common people by having every important person that ever lived come and speak about themselves at the university.
History[edit]
Around the dawn of 1895, the Fabians, the Shaw-led socialist society (or ShawSocSoc), diabolically orchestrated the meeting and mating of Raquel Welch and a local pharmacy to produce the London School of Economics. To simplify, it is perhaps the snarky transatlantic cousin of Yale University, with more emphasis on bashful beavers than bold bulldogs. LSE temporarily closed in 1969 when a band of anarchist hippies nearly took it over and smoked it. It enjoys patronizing students from Malaysia and Vietnam. It is financed by the government of Libya, which suffered a hostile takeover bid by the Nicolas Sarkozy-led Allies when Muammar Gaddafi began downsizing his country in 2011. Mrs Sarkozy is a former girlfriend of LSE dropout Mick Jagger, but France denies this possible motive.
Relationships[edit]
LSE flirted outrageously with the University of Cambridge in the 1930s, but this soured when their respective scholars Hayek and Keynes violently differed over economics, rugby, and sex. Cambridge returned to its tawdry, masochistic ways with the University of Oxford, and a dejected LSE scuttled back to hold ruthless sway over London academia, rejecting advances by the too plebeian Imperial College. Another humiliating setback came many years later in 1999, when University College London, historically LSE’s local bitch, managed an upset victory at a dance-off competition. Stunned, LSE attempted to reassert itself by assisting UCL and Imperial in a group assault and hair-pulling of the disreputable and coquettish King’s College.
Life[edit]
LSE's graduates have sadly resigned themselves to minting billions or inheriting Third World governments. Both factors are lusty pluses for potential wives, and said wives are accumulated with fierce abandon (unless the grads are women, in which case they are are walking, talking, emasculating turnoffs).
See also[edit]
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