University of Leeds
| University of Leeds | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Motto | et aubergines siatica (God Forgive Our Sins) |
| Established | As a terrible, terrible mistake |
| School type | Bloody Big University |
| Head | Mr Freeze (ceremonial position only) |
| Location | Most of Yorkshire, Socialist Worker's Republic of Yorkshire, UK |
| Faculty | 4 |
| Mascot | Hello Kitty |
The University of Leeds is a small kebab shop and laundrette and is one of the lowest ranking Universities in the Empire Formerly Known as Britain. In fact, it's really just a glorified sixth form college. It has the highest number of graduates studying marmiteology in the UK.
The University formed in 1904 as a substitute for the failing University of Oxford at Leeds. It was one of the first UK universities to allow atheists and thickos entry, unlike for instance Oxford and Cambridge who practised holy-inquisition upon its students. Upon its creation it attracted a multitude of dog-owners who mistakenly thought it was a training college for wayward pets. Traditionally it was maintained that this was due to a typo (University of Leads) in the original door-to-door flyer, but more recent research has concluded that the people who came were just a bit thick. Renowned Leeds etymologist Dr. B.A. D'Spellar has also argued that the term 'Leeds' is a debased form of the ancient title: 'Adegree-tha-Leeds-nowhere'.
Modern University[edit]
In 1998 the university got its first electric light bulb. This allowed the University to attract many more mosquito graduates, who now form an overwhelming majority of the student body. This rapid increase in mosquitoes caused righteous indignation among the faculty with resulted in the then-chancellor Ziggy Stardust to cry "No Way Man!!" and jump from a third story book.
The Ziggy Stardust chancellorship was noted for its progressive attitude to rocks. It was during this period that noted alumni like Pink Floyd, Genesis (the first book of the Star Trek series), and Rick Wakeman graduated.
Due to the extensive building programs of the 1970s, parts of the university campus are still being discovered, most notably a small Papal enclave and an Ancient Tibetan Kingdom of Wonders were discovered under a beer mat in the Old Bar. The current pope and Dalai Llama regularly hold tea-parties here.
In 2006-7, Leeds University's average spending per student was estimated to be £1.99 plus an 11-inch pizza of their choice.
Research[edit]
The University of Leeds is foremost a place where southerners can come and moan about Leeds/The North/Not London. Research is underway to try and actually find someone in the university that was born north of Watford.
The Leeds University Union[edit]
The Leeds University Union or LUU is a not-for-prophet organisation charged with keeping students alive throughout the year. It does this by supplying cheap instant noodles that instruct you to add 'Kokend Water' to them.
Because of its not-for-prophet status many erstwhile religious figures such as St Charles Manson, Brian Blessed and Benson & Heges cannot use its services.
The Union is also famed for the Old Bar, a large, straight piece of iron from the Middle Ages which was involved in a Communist plot to kill Margaret Thatcher in 1987.
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