Delta, British Columbia
Delta, British Columbia is a district municipality, located in what Canadian space-farers refer to as the "Delta Quadrant." It is "the 'hood" of British Columbia, where Voltaire went to chill with his homies. Delta is composed of three communities: Radner, Chew-Aw-Sin, and the North Pole. Delta's population consists of weed smokers, hot chicks, teenagers, skateboarders, old geezers, and retards. The average diet for citizens in Delta consists of 92% weed, 5% ecstacy, 2% Kraft Macaroni, and 1% Moose Meat.
History[edit]
Delta was founded in the 19th century by a hip-hop duo made up of two brothers named DJ Will and DJ Tom (The Ladner brothers). The brothers recorded a hip-hop album and put out an ad around other cities and municipalities telling people if they move to Delta they get a free album. Ironically the ad worked and the town of Ladner was built. The town's name was recently changed to Radner to better reflect the hip-hop past of this hotbed of edgy contemporary music.
At the time of it's incorporation, Delta was one of the most largely populated municipalities in GVRD with over 26 residents. Many people from other countries moved to Canada and settled in Delta, this caused Delta's population to increase and become more heavily populated with over 37 inhabitents. Delta's population continued to grow and two other towns saw the light of day, Chew-Aw-Sin and The North Pole (originally called "North Delta", but Santa moved there and wanted it to be called the North Pole). It wasn't long until one day, DJ Will was chillin' with his homies (in a jacuzzi) and decided that somebody needs to be in control of Delta and help keep the place running, so he declared himself "King of Delta".
2 or 3 years later, the Ladner brothers released a country album called "I Love My Sister" which received horrible reviews and went on to sell a total of 0 copies. Everybody now hated the Ladners. Some residents moved away and others didn't vote for the Ladners in the next election. DJ Will died in 1907 and released the album "We're Sorry" posthumously.
Delta today[edit]
Delta also has another other town called Point Roberts (which is actually a part of What?com County, Washington, USA). Currently, Delta is the poorest municipality in GVRD. The poorest town in the municipality is Radner, because it only has two businesses, McDonalds, and a gas station. The only town in Delta that comes close to wealthy is The North Pole because it is actually run by the government of Surrey. The reason why Delta is so poor is because the mayor is Lois Jackson and the residents are too introspective to even vote for a new mayor. Delta only has one road, because they can only afford to build one. This is known as Scott Road, after Scotch pancakes (one of the best treats to put Maple syrup on. Ironically, half of this road is shared with Surrey, British Columbia, so the Deltans only have half of one...
In August of 2007 the Delta School District didn't have enough money to keep the school district running, so they all decided to retire. The final act of the Delta School District was to close all of their schools forever. The kids of Delta were more than just happy.
Since the town of the North Pole is located in Delta, and the North Pole has the only Krispy Kreme donut shack in B.C. Delta relies on that one little store to keep the municipality running.
There is also a "legend" of a lanky bastard that roams the streets of Radner in search of people to buy his knock off Ed Hardy clothing. Its name: Schab.
Crime rate[edit]
Delta is one of the key places in Metro Vancouver for crime to take place. In the past year, Delta has been a subject to 2 robberies, 3 rapes, 1 kidnapping, 2 assaults, 1 arson, and 6 murders. Delta currently has the highest crime rate in GVRD with 13%. Luckily, Delta has a police force which is supposed to be dealing with all these crimes, but the police men and women eat donuts and are too fat, lazy, and sleepy to deal with the crimes.Also there are many east Indian men who run the streets and keep things in order.
Transportation[edit]
Delta has a tunnel which connects them to Richmond, BC, which is a part of China. This tunnel was built in 1957, over 60 years after the place lost its popularity and turned into a hell hole. The tunnel cost the "City of Richmond" and "Corporation of Delta" a lot of money to construct. The completion of the tunnel in 1959 was a promising movement to get Delta back on the tracks and be a nice place again. However, the tunnel project failed, and many people died from suffocation from driving through the tunnel (which was underwater). The project cost both municipalities over $9.00 overall. In 1986, almost 100 years after Delta went downhill, Delta asked Richmond for another chance, but this time to build a bridge called the "Alex Fraizzzzer Bridge". "The City of Richmond" declined the offer and were quoted of saying: "You cost this city over $9.00 to construct the tunnel, We don't want to waste our fuckin' money to go bankrupt! Now get the fuck out! Forever!"
See also[edit]
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