From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Theft)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Income tax, or IRS?

“I've buried a few Robs in my time...”

~ Oscar Wilde on Robbery

Or as people say theft.

Robbery is a 200 level criminal course that requires sixteen (16) credits at the 100 level, at least one course must be petty theft (home invasion, flashing, assault and battery, hamburglary, devirginizing, shoplifting, art history, purse snatching and/or stealling a bike from a five year old).

Course description[edit]

Analysis of the sources, and methods used to commit robbery. Basic knowledge on violence and intimidation is provided. This course has been certified by the Idaho Real Estate Commission.


”Oh shit! Well this sucks.”

Three Semester Hour Credits

  • Lesson 1: Money and the Monetary System
  • Lesson 2: Police Activities
  • Lesson 3: Smash & Grab
  • Lesson 4: Visit to the local movie theatre (Highway Robbery)
  • Lesson 5: Korean Liquor Stores
  • Lesson 6: Get Out of My Dreams, and Now Get Out of Your Car
  • Lesson 7: Alarm Systems
  • Lesson 8: Source of Funds is Missing: Remember to Breathe
  • Lesson 9: Gas Stations
  • Lesson 10: Restaurants (and participating MacDonalds restaurants)
  • Lesson 11: Barber Shops
  • Lesson 12: Roof Tops
  • Lesson 13: Tollbooths
  • Lesson 14: Banks
  • Lesson 15: Evading the Authorities
  • Examination 1: (Self Administered) Chapters 1-15
  • Lesson 16: Butt Piracy
    • Cell Block C
    • Cell Block D
    • Laundry Room
    • Conjugal Visits
  • Examination 2: (Proctored) Chapter 16
  • Lesson 17: Financing Problem



  • Lunsford, Ashley. Essentials of a Robbery, 10th Edition., Southern California Crime Syndicate ISBN:64789542138446857

Can be sold as a package:

  • Stewart, Martha. K-Mart Bluebook, 22nd Ed., 1998 and Clam-Lappers, 1995, Wool Blanket Education Company.
Although effective, quite impractical during a robbery.

Course supplemental materials[edit]

  • Heckler & Koch MP5
  • Kel-Tec SUB-2000
  • M203 Grenade Launcher
  • Glock 22
  • Chinese butcher knife
  • Golden Eagle (optional if you have the Glock)
  • Ski-Mask
  • Black Gloves
  • Machete
  • Texan chainsaw (although more for cutting than robbery)
  • Utility Belt

Course objectives[edit]

  1. The primary objective of this course will be to indentify viable targets, and develop the skills necessary to take down these targets.
  2. A secondary goal will be to create a profile or "rep" while evading capture.


Always use a Withdrawal Form people, not a Deposit Form!
  1. In reading the Lunsford, Essentials of a Robbery text, preview each chapter, tear out informational cues that may be of use to you during a robbery.
  2. As you read each chapter, study various pictures, graphs, charts, and examples. On page 5 of Lunsford text, for example, it shows how a security camera processes information, and stores alarm times for the police.
  3. Now you are ready to do the independent field course lessons in the study guide. Each lesson is broken down into (1.) Learning objectives, (2.) Necessary equipment list, (3.) An index of local slang, (4.) A "How To" on building schematics, (5.) Getaway times, and (6.) Body Disposal (except for Lesson 16 which you will learn about with a new friend if you fail this course.)


Always act casual during an exam, alarms or no alarms.

The examinations are a mixture of essay, oral examinations, and multiple choice questions. Exams 1 & 2 are self administered. The final exam (Exam 3) must be proctored.

Sample test questions[edit]

  1. The bank manager refuses to give you the combination to the vault. Do you:
    1. Use the butt of your gun to smash their nose in
    2. Cut off one of their fingers
    3. Shoot them in the face
    4. Ask them to hold your gun while you give it a try
  2. While robbing a convenience store be sure to pick up the following item(s):
    1. Lottery Tickets
    2. Condoms
    3. Video Surveillance Tape
    4. Beer
  3. A "Smash and Grab" is:
    1. Prom Night
    2. Eco Terror at the Used Car Lot
    3. Entrée at Red Lobster
    4. Jewelry Heist


The final course grade will be based upon the following considerations:

  1. Fifteen lessons from Lunsford, Essentials of a Robbery, each chapter quiz is worth twenty points; Total- lemon.
  2. Projected Cash Flow meets or exceeds $100,000 after six months- 100 points.
  3. Plea Bargain down to misdemeanor 3rd degree larceny- 50 points.
  4. No witnesses- 200 points.
  5. Gore feast in the back yard or rich mans house- Priceless

Important terms[edit]