Saint Petersburg

Local residents

Saint Putinsburg (Russian: Санкт-Путинбург, or Путинград) is a city in Russia. The city is named after Darth Putin. It was rumored that the city automatically changes its name depending on its current ruler.

History

Palace Square, as the main square of the Russian Empire it was the setting of many events of great historical significance

According to legend, one day before the once-Putin heard rumors about a great man who lives in the far west have grown fat on the cabin windows. There was once, Putin realized that if there any common people are cashing in on this trade, then he can. And he decided to open a window to Europe. Perhaps the idea is to cut a window instead of the door did not come to him. Like it or not - It is not known, but a place for prorubki One, Putin chose so poorly - there were swamps. First tried to build a town on them with improvised means, but the building quickly sucked along with the builders. So they decided to strengthen the soil, laying the foundation for the entire city. As a material for the struts, it was decided to use human bones (bones are - the meat will grow! "- Said once-Putin). So on the bones of the city and built. Inhabited city in agony. After unsuccessful attempts to banish the Muscovites to displace bone were invited gentile foreigners from the planet Yu-Peter.

St. Puddingsburg

The Three Siamese Pudding Twins who established St. Puddingsburg.

Another hypothesis regarding the founding of St. Petersburg, or St. Puddingsburg in this case, is as follows. In the 1600s, at the height of the global Pudding reign, every deformed cup was sent to North Asia. This resulted in the creation of Russia, the only geographical area other than Romania, Australia and Nigeria that continued to produce genetically deformed species even after Pudding cups evolved into humans. The Three Siamese Pudding Twins, in 1703, rose to become the leader(s) of Russia, and established St. Puddingsburg. Humans began to dominate the world in 1839 during the first Opium War (Pudding cups, composed mainly of cyanide and polyethylene, chemically reacted with opium to spontaneously evolve into homo sapiens). The Aryan peoples got tired of the city's name, and named it after Peter Domovic (1798-1874), a local paedophile and masturbation addict. He was made famous due to the extraordinarily bushy hair growth he exemplified on both poles of his body.

Attractions

Lenin statue outside the Finland station. Between 1924 and 1991 the city was known as Leningrad.

Summer Barn

Year-old Sarah, who is also the Winter Palace - is the main attraction of the city, which describe in detail predstavletsya not possible, because not even a single absurdonavt osmotrovogo did not return from a hike in its many rooms and kelyam.

Boat with trumpets and guns

One of her frigidity and rare blank emission cores.

Kostkamera

Another attraction in St. Putinsburg is a museum Kostkamera. Initially, it was our common gas chamber, in which umervschlyalis people needed to build (though it was quite impressive size). When the city was built, it left a lot of unused bones, so it was decided to turn it into a museum. At first Kostkamere were only skeletons of the founders, but then there was added as the mummies of people drowned in a swamp (even before the founding of the city), and two-headed calf (whose mother poisoned marsh gas).

Metro

Favorite meeting place for city dwellers - station "Putin Avenue" Putingradskogo Order Putin Putin Putin after Putin subway. Some forgetful citizens disgrace the city, where all these words, instead of the holy five letters trying to use the historically rejected by other letter (L, E, H, and H).

Zooletie

Popular St. Putinburgsky holiday, celebrated in the years whose numbers are divided into the number of the beast. It is accompanied by folk festivals, the governor's elections and massive embezzlement.

Putingof

The former royal mansion, an architectural monument, built by Putin on the spot insignificant built 18 century saraynogo type. How does Putingof, and what's going on, nobody has ever seen, because it is classified secret, but Kholui say that there is very cool.

Kopchino

Kopchino - is a sleeping area in the south of Cubism St. Putinsburg, which is now famous for the fact that it was studying an independent president of Free Russia, Dmitry Medvedev, the common people bëär-president, along with his wife. Kopchino in St. Petersburg is approximately the same than South Butovo in Moscow. Also known as "Kupchayna, although there do not drink tea, preferring vodka and glue. Perhaps the name comes from the Buryat traders Going East, where illiterate kopchintsy confused with the Chinese.

Crappy festivals

Putinsburg considered a cultural capital with which most Russians agree, because those who disagree putinburzhtsy whistle very acrid smell, which attracts parasites, hamsters and lemmings, which greatly complicates the life of in society. It is known that only Muscovites are resistant to the stench, because putinburzhtsy are their distant descendants. Thanks to this innate talent can come from Moscow to St. Petersburg to the club. "Klubleniem" called traditional festivals stink like Peyratskaya station and pig shop at such festivals parties are trying to release as much stink as well as listen to the stench of visitors from Melkobritanii and VSHA. Visitors to inhale the stench, discuss, communicate. At such events are often used special substances, which increase the odor, change the color and density of the stench. Many even believe that without such substances can not even go to smell the stink - not like it.

Parks

According to public opinion, many parks, adapted for riding, and equestrian statues of the sculptor Klodt caused spontaneous generation in St. Putinsburg Ksenia Sobchak. Despite the favorable conditions still samozarodilsya only one copy of the breed. It is known that the prototype of the tamer of horses on the bridge became famous Anya groom Nevzorov-Nevzglyadov. Although earlier it was thought that the groom Fedorov, traveling through time and space.

Cuisine

National St putinburgskoe dish - the so-called St. putinburgery, which represent the small cakes, in which traditionally add bone.

Another national dish of St. putinburzhtsev is sort Going East, which is completely incomprehensible to other people Erefii, adoring Shawarma.

Autumn, winter and spring of St. Putinsburg - very dark and gloomy town. For summer is not allocated among the other days, in early summer residents eat fish goryushku.Naevshis Goriushka to satiety, the local natives flock to the yards-wells to fertilize the soil in which vzrastet green grass, and its already-darling lurks migrant oblique treschachey . Feeding the grass, migrant digests strange Goriushka, inherited through the second hand and goes to work on the new building, generously dispensing Goryushkino scent, which is absorbed into the walls and solidifies. Thus the city can maintain a gloomy image.

History

During the Holy War the city was evacuated and sent to about yuggotskuyu orbit, so that the enemy got nothing. Thus Putingrad became companion Yuggoth.

Since 2007, supporters dzhedaizma, oksyumoronizma and Jehovah's Witnesses in Vladimirovich Putinsburg under construction 330-foot phallic symbol, nicknamed in honor of Nikita Khrushchev's "Kukuruzinoy. We know that Khrushchev might have been laid in the foundation, but did not want to lie quietly, and began to slowly crawl back to Moscow, ignoring specially drawn pentagram and thrust into an aspen stake. For this reason, and because of the anatomical inconsistencies phallus, and it is rumored that a woman's soul Governor M., currently work suspended.

This page was originally sporked from ru:Абсурдопедия.