Worst 100 Pick-Up Lines of All Time

“I have nothing to declare but the fact that you should go out with me.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Different chat up lines from different subjects

“Say as many as you can, as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason.”
~ Commander Zap Brannigan on the utilization of pick-up lines

100-91

100: "Hello, my name is David Truschel.”

99: "If women were boogers, I'd pick you first."

98: "When I think about you I go pee because yer an 'eight'."

97: “You are almost as beautiful as my sister. But well, you know, that’s illegal."

96: "Your eyes are like limpid pools of primordial ooze, and I am the protozoa that wish to swim in their depths."

95: “You have a beautiful head. It would look marvelous next to the other ones in my freezer. "

94: "Damn, you look good in beer goggles..."

93: "Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

92: "You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

91: "How much will a 20 get me?”

90-81

He's begging for it...

87: "May I play motorboat?"

86: "Screw me if I'm wrong, but is your name Iolanthe?"

81: "I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

80-71

80: "I've lost my teddy bear! Can I sleep with you instead?"

So... What do you say? I'm a great driver.

79: "Wanna take a ride in my truck? It's a Ford... it's exotic."

77: "I'm a man! You're a woman! You do the math!"

76: "You don't sweat much for a fat chick."

Well?

74: "Wow, you look like Xena the Warrior Princess! Wanna date?"

73: "Nice legs; what time do they open?"

72: "Are you Internet explorer, because you're everything I neeeeeee (Windows Crash Sound).

61-70

70: "Hey baby, want to socialize your means of reproduction?"

67: "I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition. In my pants."

60-51

60: "Ish heav'n mishing a angel? Cuz... cuz... is heav'n mishn a... mishn a angel... yeah cuz... f*** it. C'mere suck my dick." <vomits>

59: "The word of the day is legs. Let's go to your house and spread the word."

58: "That shirt is very becoming on you. If I was on you, I'd be coming too."

57: "Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

56: "Hello, and Welcome! You have reached (pause and different voice) Dick Johnson (original voice) female service number. If you are interested in vanilla sex, press 1 now. If you are interested in oral sex, press 2 now. If you are interested in anal sex, press 3 now. If you are interested in group sex, press 4 now. To repeat these choices, press 9 now. If your fetish is not listed here, or you are calling from a rotary phone, please stay on the line and a customer service rep will be with you shortly. Thank you for calling the (pause and different voice) Dick Johnson (original voice) female service number. (Muzak starts playing)"

55: "Burger King isn't the only thing that is king-sized..."

54: "Are you from the Netherlands? Because you are one big dyke!"

53: “Steve Johnson thinks that you're really hot and that you should sleep with him.”
~ Oscar Wilde on that hot chick at the bar

52: "Hey baby, I've got AIDS."

51: "Mmmmmm.... flabwank."

50-41

50: "Nice shoes, let's f***."

49: "My shirt would look great on your bedroom floor."

48: "I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock."

47: "I'm a pussy-fist... err, pacifist, that's what I meant."

46: "I promise I won't videotape you in your sleep and sell the video on the Internet more than once."

45: "IT'S A NIGGER!!! What? I wasn't being racist. I was just imitating Michael Richards. He is SO funny!

44: "I'm going to have sex with you tonight, you might as well be there to enjoy it."

43: "Hey pretty lady, I know Klingon, and tonight I'm going Klingon to you!"

42: "So, how do you like 4th grade?"(this is also the ultimate question for The Answer to The Great Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything.)

41: "You have a better body than my dead great-grandmother!"

41-31

41: "Do you have a map? Because I want to have sex with you.

40: "You know, pants are a vestigial organ. Yours look infected."

39: "I have a thing for amputees."

“I bet you 100 quid you can't turn me hetero.”
~ Batman on pick-up line 31

38: "My favourite position is The Serial Killer."

37: "Get out of your life and into my bed!"

36: (Thick Arab accent) "Hello... My son likes you!"

35: "Please, I am needing wife to get green card, but Immigration is wanting, how you say, proof of consummation."

34: "I'm Batman."

33: "Dammit, I creamed my trousers again!"

32: "I have a rare tropical disease which will kill me unless I have sex within the next half hour."

31: "Bet you 100 quid you can't turn me hetero."

30-21

30: "You look just like a swan. You have skinny legs but a fat ass."

29: "Breathe if you're horny.Alright! score!"

28: "Secret Service, ma'am. I need to do a full body cavity search. National security, you know."

27: "Sorry, I thought this was the men's room. Still, while we're alone in here..."

This is where you start running.

26: "You're like a fat stump, I'm always falling over you"

25: "The doctor's pretty sure the antibiotics worked this time."

24: "So what do ya say? Wanna love me? Or Raymond, like everybody else?"

23: "If I had a dime for every time I tried to pick up a chick, I'd still be poor."

22: "My friend use to hand out phone cards that said Smile if you're horny."

21: "You're hotter than my daughter."

20-11

Numbers 20 through 11 are too disturbing to put on this list. I’ll give you a hint, number 16 rhymes with trigger

10-1

10 "Help me! I'm gay but I've been thinking I may actually be straight! Please have sex with me and remove any doubt from my head!"

9: "My magical watch says you don't know who I am..."
8: "You have 206 bones in your body. Want one more?"

7: "I'll give you a nickel to tickle my pickle." to suck itself."

3: "I'm an Uncyclopedia reader and contributor."

2: "I'm a Wikipedia reader and contributor."

Look out, bitch!

1: "I'm the biggest lady-killer in Buffalo since O.J. Simpson." (This is universally applicable, as he also killed a dude.)(Allegedly.)

Zero & Below

0: "I may not be the prettiest girl/most handsome guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you."

-1: "i wrote the dictionary on my cock last night if you come to my house ill put some words in your mouth!"

Just keep it up, baby.

Yeah, you're getting there.

-2: "I'm like a Rubik's Cube. The more you play with me, the harder I get."

-3: "I am the force. Close your eyes and feel me flow through you."

-3.14 "Baby, if you were words on paper you'd be fine print."
-4: "Hi. I'm insert name here. Want to know what the other one is called?

-5: "Gee, this is one warm massage table. Oh, wait, it's you."

-6: "I lost my keys. Can I check your pants?"

-7: "If you were a woman, I'd so have sex with you."

-8: "It's called "The Forbidden Kingdom" for a reason."

-8.5: "I like my ladies the way i like my peanut butter... CHUNKY!"

-9: "Are you a slave girl? Because you look like you should be."

-10: "Are you free tonight or will it cost me?"

-11: "Cold out isn't it? (staring at breasts)"

-12: "Hi. You'll do my grandmother while eating dogfood, right? SCORE!!! "

-13: "I've got a knife - get your coat"

-14: "I've got my beady eye set on you"

-15: "Snipers get more head. Wanna take a shot?"

-16: "Would you find it quite spiffing if I inserted my genitalia into your genitalia?"

-16.5 "Ready or not, my clothes come off in 10 seconds"

-17: "Would you care for a drink? Oh wait I got to put my secret ingredient in." A smart girl would run, a blond would say, " Is it a fruit flavoring?"

-18: "Did you know a teaspoon of sperm only contains 2 calories?"

-19: "Was your dad a cement mixer. Because you are making me hard?" (polish accent)

-20: "WHERE DO YOU COME FROM?" (angrily)

-21: "Hey baby, wanna sharpen my pencil?"

-22: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems, nice tits"

-23: "Hi, I'm part Native American, would you like to ride my totem pole?"

-24: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a gun, get in the van"

-25: "Do you take eftpos?"

-26: "Can you cock my shotgun?"

-27: "Bitch, hope on my dick before I slaughter you like a pig!" Eminem’s choice

-28: "I have a job for you but it might "blow"

-29: "Roses are red, violets are blue, suck my dick and I will pay you"

-30: (SLAP) "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SUCK!" always works

-31: "Would you help me with my math homework? I think I know a formula. You have to add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide your legs and pray you don't multiply if I am correct."

-32: "have ever been nom'd before? (firmly plant your face between her breasts and say: "NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM!)

-33: "do you work at the post office? because i see you checking out my package.

-34: "Call me Mr. Flintstone, I can make your Bedrock"
-35: "my dick just died can i bury it in yo arse....."

-36: hey babycakez wanna see me stick my dick in a garbage disposal?

-37: My mother's part black, wanna fuck?

-38: finger my butt and ill give you 20 quid

-39: I'm a previously convicted rapist, wanna hangout?

-40: let's lick my mum's asshole for a jolly!!

=41: But don't just kiss my ass, eat my good old cornhole. That's right, kiss the cheeks, eat the cornhole. And if you don't like me? Then eat my cornhole ho. EAT IT.

-42: Hello! Is it me you're lookin for! You know just what to say, and you know just WHO to do...and I want to tell you so much....fuck me! PLEASE?! PLEASEE?!!! WOOF WOOF! BARK BARK!

-43: Da da da DA da! I'm lovin it! (looks at crotch)

-44: Welcome to 7 Eleven, do you want hot dog? *country guy mocking an indian's voice*

-45: I put the STD in stud now all I need is you

-46: (Only works if you are Irish) Have you any Irish in you? Would you like some more?

-47: (Only works when the other person is eating with a spoon) Do you have have two spoons? "Why"? That way we can eat together!

-48: Hi, I'm Alec Ribblett!

Bonus lines

Roses are red, violets are twisted. Ready or not. You're about to get fisted.