Carmen Electra

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Carmen Electra after moulting her winter plumage. Currently 59,590 people have pleasured themselves while looking at this, wait... 59,591!

“In Soviet Russia, Carmen Electra masturbates to you!”

~ Russian reversal on Carmen Electra.

“Holy shit, I just pants happied!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Carmen Electra's Boobies.

“I would fuck her hot ass and cum on her gorgeous face”

~ <insert name here> milking an old on Carmen Electra joke.

“She so hot, she should cool down and do her classwork. Sheesh!”

~ Meng Hor

Carmen Electra is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records for her Coca-Cola consumption - a record 8 cans a day for the past fifteen years. Her teeth are currently being studied because they're so damn white. She is on the list of the sexist cigar smokers of all-time. She is also on the list of 50 ways to kill a person because she is so damn sexy. She needs a spankin'!! On that note we can recognize that she also has one of the finest bodies of all time, or at least this week. She has let me bang her a few hundred times. Her ass has done wonders for the world - every time she bends over, people hump her, causing less global warming as she cannot fart.

She is also know for her lengthy marriage to Manute Bol, the world's tallest midget. The two will celebrate their twentieth wedding anniversary in 2012. She has also been married to many other men while still being married to Maunte Bol, most recently Dave Navarro, who she divorced for being a homo. Previous marriages include Dennis Roddman, Mike Muir, SpongeBob SquarePants, Your Mom, and pretty much every ugly guy you can think of, as Electra is hella hot. She is even hotter when she smokes cigars.

As of 21st August 2007, Carmen has taken over from Susan Sarandon as the the most wanked off female celebrity in the world. She stands at a prime rate of 59 million wanks per day (gross world capita). In fact, global sales of pants have declined as so many people spend much of the day wanking to her body. Also, the accumulated lost time men spend wanking to her nude body have cost the global economy over 6 billion dollars. Thus excessive masturbation to her body, not the housing crisis, led to the global recession.

Recent studies have been conducted to determine just the extent of Electra's popularity, especially among teenage males. Of those polled, 100% admit they have wanked to her body and 100% said they would have sex with her.

First Human Sex With Monkey[edit]

Carmen Electra with Dave Navarro

Carmen Electra is best known for being the first human ever to have sex with a black Monkey. The monkey's name of course was Dennis Rodman. Some claim that a dipshit in sheep's clothing was the first ever to have sex with a monkey but scientific study has proven that her sex with chimpanzees does not count because chimpanzees are apes.

Carmen Electra also had sexual intercourse with a French modern ape named David Légaré

Early Life and Career[edit]

Carmen was born in the quaint New England town of Stolz in 1972 to Johan and Gertrude Electra. Johan was the town idiot and Carmen was bullied by all her classmates as a result of this. Vowing vengeance on those who had made her childhood such a misery, she decided to transform herself into the ultimate woman so as to steal all of the other girl's boyfriends. Having accomplished the task, she thrilled in taking revenge on her former foes as one by one each of their boyfriend's fell in love with her. In 1992, she left Stolz for good and traveled to Los Angeles to start a career in showbusiness. She starred in a number of low-budget slasher flicks before landing the role that made her famous - that of Dr. Linda Lovecock in the 1995 Batman movie "Batman Never Ever". She continued making movies throughout the late 90s before branching out into pornography in the early 2000s. She is ranked as a Level 1 Vixen on the Wank Scale and enjoys huge popularity among teenage boys. She also enjoys sex in wickes car park. And also makes mad passionate love to Peter Chamberlain by getting a 19 inch strap on courtesy of King Kong and placing it up his anus.

In 2008, in a television show, she had demonstrated new means of safe sex by having a sybian up her private parts. Of course, the presenter assured her that this would be the world's best kept secret.



Prior to her relationship with Abe, Carmen released this advertising campaign.

Relationship with Abe Simpson[edit]

Carmen's current boyfriend, Abe Simpson.

In mid 2009, Carmen began dating Abe Simpson, father of Homer Simpson. This relationship has caused much controversy as Marge Simpson, Homer's husband, began verbally attacking Carmen. The two met after Homer was a victim of new reality show, Frame Up.

Sexy Acts[edit]

In 2008, images of Carmen in skimpy outfits began surfacing on the Internet. One such image featured her pole-dancing in a bra that showed much cleavage and a thong. Another image showed her wearing nothing at all except for a midriff-baring shirt. The pictures were posted with her approval. She later said "I'm glad men are pleasuring themselves to me. It's hard to become something that men masturbate to but it turns me on to know it happens."

Later that year, Carmen posed topless for the covers of several magazines. On these covers, only her back was shown. At the end of the year, she posted a larger version of one of these pictures on her website.

In 2009, Carmen made news when she pole-danced topless. For the rest of the year, she gave pole-dancing while topless.

In 2010, Carmen announced that she would give free lap dances to any male fan that wanted it. The first such lap dance was given that year, when, at a party she made an appearance in, she grinded her ass on the groin of an anonymous fan. A video of the incident was posted after the party.

See Also[edit]

Did anyone see Dennis Rodman? Tell him to come to bed right now!