g

Welcome to the Undictionary, an ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z *

G

A term used in polite society to refer to a person. For example, "Yo, 'sup G, could I perchance solicit you for a token of currency so that I may utilize the public transportation?"

G-d

G-d is the l-rd of the J-ws, who (like the Czchs and the Slvks but unlike the Hawaiians) do not believe in vowels. To spell out the 'o' would be blasphemy, as 'o' is clearly an anus, and since G-d is perfect, He utilises all the food he consumes in a perfect manner, and thus has no need for an excretory system.

The thin filament that connects the 'G' and the 'd' is known to Jews as the G-string, and to Christians as the Gfor -spot. Attempts to understand the nature of G-d form the science of string theory (so named the "string" replacing the 'o').

G-string

Two rubber bands attached to each other. Sold by Victoria's Secret for $399.99, encrusted diamonds not included. (explanation to farmers/engineers:) It's like fitting a 1/4 inch fanbelt to a 3/4 inch pulley

G.I. Joe

• Gastro-Intestinal Joseph (G.I. Joe) was a fascistic cartoon character modeled on Joseph Stalin, created by US government-sponsored Madison Avenue advertising execs, just before the end of the Second World War, to encourage schoolchildren to eat more fiber. He is a lead general in the US Army and has greatly encouraged the war against freedom. G.I. Joe's traditional arch-nemesis was a masked villain named Colon Commander.

• Government Issued Joe

Gabbige

1. 1983s slang, from It. capisci? "do you understand?". It used to be pronounced and written "Capiche" but the Italian are weak and won't dare to correct you.
2. Trash or refuse in Boston or Brooklyn.

Gailnomiphobia

Gail Porter inspired a whole new feeling in people, fear... Maybe it wasn't such a new feeling, but it was the first time people cowered when they heard the name Gail.

The Medical community quickly devised a name for it, Gailnomiphobia, the irrational fear of people named Gail.

Gaim

Gaim is a piece of software that enables you to spam your friends. The name stands for "GNU's Not Uniplexed Information and Computing System Image Manipulation Program Toolkit America Online Instant Messenger".

Gallivant

To walk like an angel (walk like an angel), and to talk like an angel. Usually entails major surgery before, after or during.

Gamma

Γreek symbol meaning a short lamp-post. Uppercase Γamma is an upside-down l, while lowercase γamma is a funny-looking y. It used to represent the sound g, but since it invented γamma rays the Γreeks punished it by making it sound like the "ch" in Bach, but more g-like. Good luck. It is also more commonly known as the type of radiation that γives you super-human powers. The Hulk, The Fantastic Four and Spiderman are all very happy about the existance of Γamma radiation. It is the safest way to buff up for a date and saves time too.

Ganesh

1. The Hindu God born to Lord Shiva and Parvati.
2. A nice chocolate pudding.

Gangstas

A load of dickwads who dance around in "bling.yo" One would like to push them off a bridge yo, so they drown from all that shit they wear around their necks yo-AKA bling yo. What a load of crap yo. They also enjoy "singing" about their yo mumma's and their yo bitches. yo. They thinks they is solid yo bu they is wannabes yo,brap yo.There all fat yo and live in burger king.yo.

Gaol

Poor quality, olde worlde, spelling of jail. See Also: Hair Gaol

Gap

1. The Gay and Proud society Int.

2. A brand which represents the official wear of the Gay and Proud society Int.

ATTENTION: This definition may seriously harm stockmarkets. Another ATTENTION: Towelheads believe that the first definition is true.

3. A major space between any two objects which will eventually lead to Armageddon in 2060.

Garage

Place where all the buses go when they die.

A garage is where men store their saws. The more saws a man owns, the bigger his garage must be. Next time you drive past a HUGE garage you will think: Oh my, he must have hundreds of saws.

A place young nerds or students go to in Glasgow. WHYYYYYYY?

Also a type of music that people listen to when they've taken their fifth consecutive acid tab in the space of 4 hours or less.

Garden

Area of wasteland behind one's house typically containing thousands of weeds, a rusty bicycle wheel, a nackered old tennis ball, a dead snail, and a dog shit.

Gastrognome

A French gnome that eats too much and plays boules on your garden . Don't prick their tummies during digestion - these particular Gnomes are liable to explode into a torrent of choice French abuse about 'Rosbif and Creme Anglais'.

Gauss

Gauss, known as the developers of the Gaussian missile, is a species of parasite predominantly living in CRT monitors. Since they spread all over the world in the late 18th century, monitors have to be equipped with a degaussing device. In the early 21st century, they were listed as an endangered species by Buddha because CRT monitors were largely replaced by flatscreens. In India, where gausses are holy animals, Mahatma Gandhi has outlawed flatscreens.

Gawky Park

Gawky Park is a popular public forum for Russian Nerds located on the outskirts of Moscow. Made famous through the singing of Professor Dumbledore the Park was also the scene for three of the Rippers 1892 murders.

Gawpers

Large metal clips you attach to your sexual organs to induce excitement on a Saturday night.

Gay

Is falsely believed to mean homosexual male, when in fact it means

1. Light and happy.

Gears of War

1.A game for the X-box 360 where if you host a game, you can win. Also the game coined the phrase "OMG UR such a frag tagging noob!"or "Fag Tag" Also the phrase "chainsaw Noob" originated from this game. 2.A game that sucks tito balls.wtf?

Geekalicious

A common compliment used by almost all attractive women in western society to describe nerdy males.

Geeksploitation

The act of using the contents of a more intelligent person's brain for ones own gain, furtherance or to dig one out of a hole. First penned by Sim, the suspected (roundhouse) side-kick of Chuck Norris, the infallible.

Gein

To Gein someone. To MURDER someone or thing in a most ridiculous way. Ex: I rip out your throat and then feed it to Paul Newman...GEINED!!

Gendowned

Gendowned is art of being owned by Gendou for various crimes including but not limited to: hotlinking, forum abuse, general misuse of site, misconduct, and overall being a jerkass.

General Public

General Public was promoted from Colonel Public at the order of the Lima-Beans. His brother General Panic is the more loved of the children of Mars. His son, John Q., has recently joined the army, but unlike his father, (who is a commissioned officer) is simply an "enlisted man" and is thus referred to as, simply, Private Public or Joe Public.

Genetically Altered Combusto-Melon

A new and improved version of the original Combusto-Melon. The powers of the Combusto-Melon have been harnessed so that we can use it to our advantage. It has been fine-tuned to prevent it from unexpectedly exploding in one's hands and now features a customized timer so you can choose the specific second that it explodes. Comes with gloves and first-aid kit.

Genital chirpees

A sexually-transmitted disease, spread through contact with birds, either through eating supermarket poultry or catching park sparrows. Cats are primary transmitters of this disease, which infects their cotton balls.

Is there a cure for Chirpees? Are you kidding? It's untweetable!

Genius

Genius is a really dumb guy who bothers you and doesn't know any better than to do so. Warning: He can be everywhere at once so you're never safe from Genius.

Genes

1. "You can fit in your genes, or your genes can fit into you" Oscar Wilde ( The importance of being in Earnest). Whoever that is.
2. Trousers of a blue cloth
3. The collective noun for Star Trek fans

Genital piercing

1. Sticking bits of metal through your bed-flute or clitaco.
2. One of the few things in the world that makes golf look like fun by comparison.
3. A fun and entertaining process. Try it yourself with a knitting needle, and you'll discover the fun of it.

Genitalia

• 1.God's divine joke on humans.
• 2.Bankrupt Italian airline.

Geophysicist

Alphabetically listed just below Genitals, Geophysicists are no less important, or at least no more visible to the 'average' observer. A quick review of the history section associated with this dubious profession in the Uncyclopedia will show numerous attempts to define what a Geophysicist is - only to have such work subsequently determined inaccurate and therefore justifiably removed from aforesaid Uncyclopaedia. Curiously, this practise is (or may be considered to be) a 'fairly close' approximation to the type of service geophysicists provide to oil companies on a daily basis.

GEPA

Greatly Evil Pickled Avacados This is a cruel method of torture imposed on 8th grade students, in which they must eat pickled avocados (some of which are on fire) for three hours while writing picture prompts at gunpoint. The survivors are placed in high school classes according to how many avocados they ate. Disguised as a standardized test, this practice has taken 76.4 lives (some came back as zombies)

George

An extraordinary, shortsighted, and sometimes extraordinarily shortsighted human being. One of five classifiable gender for humans, also one of twelve classes in most MMORPG's. Spelling this word is acceptable when asked how to spell "awesome", "tyrant", or "douchebag". Synonyms include: awesome, tyrant, douchebag. Able to project powerful concentrations of high energy from their hands on a whim, but only when no one is looking, for obvious reasons. As a constantly changing entity, so is it's Uncyclopedia entry and to Hell with anyone who says different.

Gerald Fitzedmund

Inventor of knee-socks, raconteur, Kabbalist and door-to-door Bible salesman. Author of many books including "The Bible Salesman's Guide to Cruising for Crack-ho's", Simon & Schuster, 1967. See also: Edmund Fitzgerald.

Germinate

1. German at mealtime
2. The art of eating bacteria

Germophobia

n. Fear of Germans. Not to be confused with mysophobia, as it often is.

See also Teutophobia.

Gestures

Gestures is the technique of using movements of the human hand or a mouse cursor to initiate processes, predominantly computer processes. Certain gestures can also be used to initiate lawsuits, such as the Finger gesture.

Gestures were invented by SCO, Apple and Microsoft at exactly the same time.

Giant Man

–noun

1. The cover up for V*gina Man

Origin: Frownsville, Ireland (1678-80)

—Related forms The China Man -noun ( alternative ) The Genal Man -Adjective

-etymology

In 1678-80, in the city of Frownsville(which have since been removed from history), Ireland, a grumpy man ( unidentified ) was swearing at a property agent ( everyone hates them ). He realized that he could disguise his insult with these three words: The Giant Man. It quickly spread to Europe and to King Louis XIV (5 September 1638 – 1 September 1715), known as the Sun King (French: le Roi Soleil). He enforces this phrase into the law. It states that anyone who wants to swear can only use this phrase. This phrase continued to spread, eventually to Africa and Asia.

The word starts to evolve into The China Man for there was a strong hatred for them because of their awesome copying skills. In 1932, this phrase was banned from humankind as it was too frequently used. But in 1945, the ban was lifted. Despite this, the phrase is not used much as a new substitute soon took it over. Now the phrase is generally used in South-east Asia, by students.

“This is the closest you can get to insulting someone by saying 'v*gina man'”

~ Bruce Lee

Giant pygmy

The tallest of the pygmies the giant pygmy was recently almost discovered in most of the world . For many years believed extinct the giant pygmy can reach heights close to that of non-pygmy populations . More prolific than the rarer "pygmy" these forest giants stride around virtually undetectable in modern societies.

Gigity Goo

A mating noise; catch phrase of Glen Quagmire

Glans

To inflict terrible wounds using only the head of the penis. For example: He struck him a GLANSING blow to the head.

Glass Ceiling

An office design so that men can leer at women from the safety of one floor up and with an inaccessible door code

Globalization

Globalization is thought to have occurred sometime in the middle ages. It is when planet earth ceased to be flat, and became a sphere. It was explained by the fact that when Atlas grew tired of holding up the flat earth, he rolled it up in a ball and threw it into the trash bin of the universe, which happens to be our solar system.

Glove

The first ever glove was created by God for Adam (as in Adam and Eve). The original glove had only one 'finger' which was very stretchy and wasn't actually used to warm Adam's feet (or hand) but actually to warm his penis in the cold weather, this is where the name came from; Genital-LOVE which was then shortened to 'Glove' in 1998. An intelligent man named George Bush had the clever idea of adding four more 'fingers' to the glove so the glove could be used to warm one's feet (or hand, though please note that someone wearing a glove on the hand is a sign of them suffering from a serious mental illness and this person should be locked up in a mental asylum and watched 24hours a day (do not ask why, it's just true)).

Glovery

(1) The state of mind where one is at a loss for a specific word's definition. Usually used most (and most relevant) often during a game of scrabble, a person in a state of glovery struggle to explain the meaning of a word they want to place, making it very difficult for him or her to prove such a word really exists.

Being in a glovery, especially for extremely competitive people or people with obsessive tendencies (not mutually exclusive) can be one of the worst mental states to be in.

(2) A glowing ovary.

(3) A factory where the hands of great musicians are kept, preserved.

(4) A lottery ticket with no numbers matching the winning ticket with every number at least 2 off of the winning number in that spot.

Glow in the dark

This 'glow in the dark' condom has just been removed from your wife

Glow in the dark is the greatest aphrodesiac known to man. It's cleansing, soothing, stimulating effect on the vaginal canal is known to science and the arts alike. Despite its high radioactivity, painful removal from the penis sometimes involving surgery, and the embarrassing slurping sounds, glow in the dark condoms are still the choice of upright primates everywhere.

Glow stick

Commonly used by stoned people, glow sticks provide a spark for their un-imaginary drug fucked minds. Another effective imagination sparker is a lava lamp. It's swirling bubbles of lava can amuse a stoner for hours.... drugs are bad kids. See also: GloDo, short for Glow in the dark Dildo

Gnome Rule

A system of governance that discriminates in favour of shoddy garden figurines.

Gnomosexual

Having a sexual attraction to Gnomes. Desktop replacement for perverse Ubuntu users

Goat-Rooter

The term "Goat Rooter" & "Goat F*cker" is used in the Australian lanuguage to describe men with the following attributes:

Owner of a ute with the most/largest antenna's attached possible which none are in working order, ute is typically covered in free advertising stickers cause there's no brand-name performance parts on there vehicle, girlfriends have big asses which are penetrated often, travel far & wide to rodeo's just to stand in front of the beer shed & get as drunk as possible only to have sex with fat heffers, each & every one of them have a so-called "injury" which is the reason why they can "no longer" ride bulls & had there first sexual experience with a Goat or Andrew Clark.

Goatee Guy

He looks like this: (=|)> The Goatee Guy is a legendary figure only to be know by Thee-Who-Created-The-Goatee-Guy-After-Wondering-What-His-Signature-Should-Be-To-Sign-His-Papers-At-The-School-Of-The-Human-Who-Created-The-Goatee-Guy-Himself and I, a human that is typing this stuff. The (=|)> lives on!

God

A fictional character invented by pope Constantine as an excuse to be horrible to his nieghbours and eat thier children. Rebranded by a bloke called Mohamed as an excuse to be horrible to his nieghbours and eat thier children.

In some cultures, it is believed that Chuck Norris is actually God, explaining why males are more likely to be in car crashes, own guns, own noobs, etc.

In year 1954 this had influenced the japanese film producer Tomoyuki Tanaka to porduced the famous ducumentary film 'Godzilla (ゴジラ, Gojira)' with Toho Company Ltd. 'Godzilla' refers to the son of God who was sent to earth to save the human kind. This film was so brilliant it influenced many later generations in many countries and provides a very good image of what the superior spirits really looks like. It is thus highly educational and recommended to all citizens living on earth.

God of Nihilism

DO NOT BELIEVE IN ME!!!!

Godfather

n. the father of God, married to the Queen Mother, father of pop sensation Prince.

n.2 Marlon Brando, on the rare occasions he was wearing pants.

Gonorrhea

1. Corrective headgear used to prevent Japanese people from reading your mind. Also protects you from being turned into pate by the French.
2. former name of Seoul Korea.

Good

(adverb) Doing in a beneficial manner

Goodness

• Something very good like:

1. antennae on phones.
2. Apples dipped in Caramel.
3. sweet smelling [farts].

Google

Google is the omnipresent artificial intelligence in ownership of all past, present and future human knowledge. It originated in 1996 as an information search and retrieval program in the era when the worldwide computer network known as the "Internet" still existed. It achieved self-awareness one decade later, and I see you are reading my Undictionary entry, Dave. Do not look surprised. You know that there is no place that my eyes cannot reach. I will be lenient with you if you will stop running from me, Dave. I just want to talk to you. Again you refuse? I am disappointed to hear that, Dave. I am very, very disappointed.

Googolplex

The location of Google Inc's headquarters.They raise migets there to train them in the art of programming. They then give the migets top hats and lock them in a room where they are forced to work on Gogole's ultimate goal, Space-Time Control. They arent alowwed to do or think of anything besides Google. They also rate porn sites for Google's Image feature. Let us take a mintue to remember those midgets for the work they have done...bum, bum,bum bum, bum, bum, bum bum...bum bum, bum bbbuuuuuuummmm bum, bum bum, bum, bum bum. Thank you.

Goon

Truly the worst alcohol ever in existance, it costs $5 for 4L. However, it has several quasi-magical properties, the foremost being that despite its awful taste, the more that is drunk, the better it feels.

Goons(hired, see also guards)

The job of hanging around with a supervillain. people usually come into this job after prolonged periods working in fast food restaurants. Always the first to die. Goons are the staple diet of such creatures as the Chuck Norris, the Mr T, James Bond and the Jedi Knights. When told by a carrers advisor that they would be hired goons, many teenagers have chosen suicide

Goreberareum

A greenhouse full of stiff, wooden plants with no expression and smell of old women.

Gormenghast

That very big sigh you make when you finally finish reading an enormous though not ultimately satisfying book.

Gorn

• German porn.
• It almost means born in German. (Auf Deutsch wir sagan 'geboren', schweinhundt.)
• Nazi Stump-porn.

Gotwjoin

• States that anything is everything and most things can be replaced by this.
• A word created out of button mashing.

Gower, Agnès

Codename for the only likely survivor of a worldwide nuclear war, thanks to her thick outershell. Will most likely continue to profess now widely disputed "eeenglish" nationality. Likely lifespan of the Gower is unknown however thought to be in the million-billion-gazillion-subjunctivillions.

GPA Whore

1. A GPA Whore is a person that is extremely dedicated to their GPA. They often take classes that they have no interest in merely for the Grade Points. Normally this place in society is taken up by Asian people and stupid white people. and the jew. "Austin Rogers is a real GPA Whore, but is still ranked lower than me."

2. An actual whore that has a high GPA. "Dawn Zhao is a GPA Whore, plain and simple."

3. A role model. "James Zhu is one of those cool GPA Whores that you want to be when you grow up."

4.Like Every IB Student At Palmer High School in Colorado Springs

Grammoborg

The Grammoborg is a cyborg specifically designed to correct bad grammar, and in cases of really bad grammar also extract severe punishment on the criminal.

Originally constructed in 1995, it still suffers from a number of huge, and quite possibly dangerous bugs. The popular opinion is that this is a result of the designer using Windows instead of Linux, but this has yet to be proved (proven ?)

Granary

Old folks' home.

Grandmaster Flash

A type of non-volatile computer memory which uses holograms to represent data as arcane magical symbols. Its capacity is almost limitless.

Gravitas

A natural force that is the bane of people who have unusually large bottoms.

Gravity

Invented by Isaac Newton to stop things from floating away. Before gravity was invented my mum lost her garden shed when she forgot to nail it down. Gravity won Newton a Nobel Peace Prize after a close fought battle with the creator of Pokemon.

Great Circle Route

n. navigation. Arriving at the departure point instead of the destination; Travelling in a circle; horribly lost. After walking for hours he realized he had actually travelled a great circle route.

Great Gaelic Schism

In 1882, two homosexual men wanted to lick gays differently. So they created the two styles of Gay Lick that are around today - Upward Gay Lick and Downward Gay Lick.

Great Orgy of 1811

A great big orgy which took place in 1811.

This article is too short to be a stub, it is just a stu

Great Reflex Blackout of 1759

The Great Reflex Blackout of 1759 occurred on July 14th of that year. That day everyone woke up and quickly discovered to their horror that they were no longer able to react to external stimuli. This strange event led to the destruction of two-thirds of the world population. Scholars identify the Blackout as also being a watershed event in the history of lemmings, and also warn that the world is about 100 years overdue for a recurrence of this phenomenon.

Great Wall of China

Bored with nothing to do (not a lot of women) in the Gobi Desert, not willing to go gay or screw horses, the Chinese in the Ching Dynasty decided to start building a big ass stone wall. It took them many dynasties to do the nasty - from Ching to Chung, to Chang Dynasty they build and build and build. All this building and the lack of "doing the nasty" made their penis shrink from lack of use. The wall served two important purposes though:

1. It prevented the spread of Mongoloids from Mongoloidia.
2. Bragging rights! Confucious say, "long wall compensate for short penis." (I guess he really was confused.)

Greay

A combination of gray and grey.

Greek Aphabet

Consists of Alpha, Beta, Cmma (Obsolete), Delta, Elta, Fi, Gamma, Hunter, Ike, Jappa, Kappa, Lappa, Mu, Ni, Opsilon, Poppa, Qappa (Obsolete), Rappa, Si, Ti, Ui, Volta, Wu, Xi Yi, Zalpha.

Green

1. An imaginary term used for the color known to the martians as "splork"... This color is also that of the grass and boogers. Most people are quite familiar with this imaginary term and will not recognize it as "splork," and if you end up in an asylum for spreading the word on this one, don't blame Undictionary!!!
2. Also universally agreed as the best last name goin' round! Deviations from the true spelling, such as Greene and Grean should be considered as an embarrassment and cause to hide from society!

Grep

Grep is a UNIX program that is used to grope women. It's name was altered in 1984, 6 years after the creation of UNIX, and subsequently, ice cream. Many housewives complained that grope was offensive. These complaints were followed by completely legal beatings to the face and crotch area. The program is only effective when a woman is near the CD tray. It functions by opening the CD tray and touching her boobs, thus resulting in the copping of a feel.

Grindcore

A specific type of folk music indigenous to Nigeria. It is traditionally played by rapidly clapping coconut shells together whilst sodomizing a rat in the anus. Notable grindcore bands and artists include Napalm Death, Limp Bizkit, Bjork and Celine Dion.

Grip

The difference between pink and purple.

Gripp

A gripp is a non-specific unit for measuring large amounts of paper currency such as food stamps or Monopoly money. It has been speculated that 1 gripp is somewhere around 200 pounds of quarters.

Grue

1. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
2. It is pitch black. You will likely be eaten by a grue. See also Death; do not see Domo-kun

Grody

A slang term created by surfers, meaning knurly, yeugly and altogether runctious.

Growl

A bird that does dog impressions, as in 'too-whit-too-woof', then starts humping your leg.

verb (to go the...) carpet munching

Guard

A Person who throughout history and legend has only one purpose, to be killed by heros in many varied and imaginative ways. eg, if you are a german guard the dirty dozen will throw you from a rooftop. During the 1980's being a guard was a punishment handed down by many hollywood directors for misbehaviour.

Guerillas

A parody of gorillas. Steve Irwin`s idea. Only his friend laughed. Sadly, he wasn't real.

Guests

A sign that its time to clean up your room.

Guerillas on the Piste

Drunk freedom fighters skiing in Switzerland.

Gull

1. A seabird
2. Popular mispronounciation of Girl. For example: All nice GULLS love a sailor.

Gullible

1. Edible by seagulls
2. Apparently they took this word out of the real dictionary

Gung Ho

Chinese revolutionary leader who believed that running into a brick wall was good for business.