Racial profiling
(diff to penultimate friend request from someone you don't know).
“It was the unemployed Mr. Black, on the sidewalk, with the planted cocaine, monthly quota filled. Oh and say hello to your suspicious sister for me, I'll be stopping her next Sunday.”
“The couple's match rate is over 400%! I've never seen compatibility algorithm data sets with levels this high before!”
Racialprofiling.com formerly known as MyRace a website similar to MySpace and J-Date, except that it is intentionally designed to combat minorities through a voluntary selective breeding program designed by Cyborg Hitler's brain hooked up to the internet as part of his master plan to prevent the birth of his arch enemy, the Time Lord Lenny Kravitz, destined to one day go back in time and become Adam. Also to ensure that Ms. Germany always wins the Ms. Universe contest, and that she never have a geographically diverse ancestry that makes you want to ogle all those other hot women from around the world instead.
Racialprofiling.com is proudly owned and operated by the NSA .
Origins[edit]
In 2003, MySpace was founded, in secret, by the NSA for racial profiling; that is, a place for peoples of many diverse races[1] to come together over the wondrous internet and set up "profiles" for other users to observe and make careful note of. However, myspace did not work well for the NSA because, as soon as you could say "warrantless surveillance", 14-year old emo girls and their 60-year old mates soon flocked to this new, exciting internet playground. While this did aid the NSA in catching a few rogue pedophilic snatcher-men, it didn't last long, as those child-touching weirdos are a crafty bunch. "I admit, they're pretty sneaky," stated Lt. General Keith B. Alexander, 16th and current director of the NSA, "They hide amongst the shadows of the outer tubes of the interwebs. But we'll find them".
Shortly after this, the NSA quickly drew up blueprints in their Führerbunker in Utah, for a second, better, more racist but less pedophilia filled virtual singles bar/human flesh search engine, originally named My-Nority, but the name was soon changed to the one it goes by today.
Future Plans[edit]
Rumors have been spreading since Racialprofiling.com began that the NSA would create a spin-off website to try and isolate the gay gene. Keith B. Alexander has stated that, should a similar website be made, it would be called "Gaycialprofiling.com", and that the only reason it hasn't already made was the fact that it hasn't yet been greenlit by congress due to "constitutional difficulties". When asked if the same "constitutional difficulties" affected Racialprofiling.com, Keith stated "No more questions" before throwing down a smoke bomb, always a good way to make friends with the press. BoysfromBrazil.com is a dating website exclusively for gay clones of Hitler, because who better a match than yourself? Who needs freewill when you have math to determine who you must love, and decide everything you should do is predetermined and that you must accept the equation as your New God?
No word yet on the future of project Disabilidate from the brain of Robo Goebbels and the marketing geniuses behind deafs.com, blinds.com ,stubs.com and hotforburnwounds.com. No longer will you have to mix and match disabilities or end up with someone who turns a deaf ear to your blindness, with it's patented crippling injury compatibility algorithms that matches you to a partner with similar levels of pain, using the latest pain scales and correlated diagnostic data. Move over Disabledmate.com, and don't tell me my bone spurs don't count as disabilities, they were good enough for keep the president out of Vietnam. Whether mental disorders count as disabilities depends on the site. Naturally a schizophrenic person who also believes that the clouds are made of spiders is better than one who believes they are made of cotton candy, so you have to be very specific what particular listing what scientifically unsupported thing you believe for the algorithm. If you're genetically inferior than according to the Love Fuhrer, you need 23 and Na-zi, where love compatibility is determined scientifically using E-genics and the latest 110% more effective than chance dating algorithms that are totally peer reviewed for effectiveness as trade secrets.
The new world order has attempted to selectively breed genetically superior job caste blood lines, however most proposals for job specific dating websites were opposed by the major corporations who sign the sinister shadow government's paychecks and like their pets spayed and neutered. Such a website would mostly just be a sad reminder for people who want to date their co workers at Star Bucks but aren't allowed by corporate and can't date the employees of their business competitors either due to fears of corporate espionage so are expected to be sexless drones until royal jelly that is a promotion makes them a manager affording them the resources with which to increase reproductive capital. The higher more humanized castes, such as lawyers, have access to sites like Lawyerflirts.com where they can begin the 1000 generations of selective breeding to create the ultimate lawyer, or the uber clown at https://www.andyhiccup.com/clown_dating.html. Artists and writers over at singleartistdating.com of coarse can't date their coworkers, because artists only have business rivals not collaborators. Musicians and athletes don't really need another crowd of people to admire them and can pick and choose fans. Fefinitions become important as Sports.dating does not consider e-sports or marathon masturbating to be real sports. If religion isn't your thing but you still obsessively like a particular story to the point of making major life changing decisions based primarily off of it, than try any number of nerdy fandom specific dating websites to isolate the Star Trek gene at long last.
Rate My Ex, previously known as Hot or Nuts? is along the same veins as RateMyProfessors.com but for ex's, offering you the chance to receive widespread feedback on your ex and see if it's just you or if your ex just acts that way towards everyone he or she get's close to. Luckily for the sake of bigots and fetishists everywhere, none of these websites are based around superficial things like shared ideologies, norms and morals. There's no Socraticsingles.com, or Behavioristandconditionedtobehorny.com. No instead you get physical and financial features like tallfriends.com, www.wealthymen.com/ and cosplay dating like https://furrymate.com/, diapermates.com/, https://zombiepassions.com/ and https://vampirepassions.com/, (although if you really want to fear for your life, check out https://womenbehindbars.com/ and find your shelf sharing a toothbrush between the intercostals). And no, before you ask, there isn't a single online dating service for hentai fans, a dating website with nothing but straight men doesn't work and if you are looking to connect with FBI agents pretending to be under aged girls there's already MySpace.
There's some for really specific medical conditions as well for those willing to make mutually shared diet based connections such as glutenfreesingles.com and www.singleswithfoodallergies.com/. Even facial hair is more important than what you actually think about something other than religion, visit https://mulletpassions.com/, or https://stachepassions.com/ and get your mustache ride today!
There's even online dating for the incredibly impatient willing to marry a virtual stranger after just a month in the form of Marrymealready.com or if you have the subtly of a brick, www.iwouldbangyou.com/. Are you a woman who cares more about a man's farm or boat than their wallet, or one of the 5% of female farm owners or sea captains? Than check out https://www.farmersonly.com/ and https://www.seacaptaindate.com/ Or do you care more about looks than possessions? Well than go on down to beautifulpeople.com or darwindating.spiceoflife.com.au, but be warned, no uggos allowed, even cougars on the prowl and sugar daddies. In fact very few people actually self identify as being ugly as it takes one who isn't to know one, so if you were looking for someone else who covers all the mirrors in their house than your shit out of luck. There's even something for those like Dr. Mecha Mengele who are looking to have a sexual human experiment with twins via twinsrealm.com.
Of coarse there's always Ashley Madison, with cheating pretty much being the number one fetish to rule them all, because it's the one people imagine most often. Women's and men's rights activists are too busy waging ideological online war on message boards to have time to use the internet to find love apparently, love only distracts from the mission. Speaking of which, you could always join celibacysingles.
KKK-Harmony.com (available on youtube)[edit]
You've seen, BlackPeopleMeet, MiGente and Asian Dating and ArabianDate, but now race focused white singles have a special romance site of their own: KKK-Harmony.com. Guaranteed to find you the WHITE match or you're money back (no questions asked, please don't lynch us). Only pure-blood White, Christians and straights can apply, we shall genetically test you for any Negroid or Jewish ancestry, unlike certain Rabbi's or indigenous tribal leaders' definitions, we will actually consider you part of that group that we hate, as it get's difficult to calculate exactly how much to hate people otherwise.
Features[edit]
Racialprofiling.com features many features, most of which are similar to features on MySpace.
User Profiles[edit]
Without profiles, Racialprofiling.com would just be Racial.com. Each user gets their own profile, which they can customize with HTML. However, it is a little-known fact that the average black or Hispanic person knows little to no HTML[2], so results are often messy[3].
Comments[edit]
Ah, yes. Comments. People go mad over the number of comments they have, and 25% of current Racialprofiling.com users claim that Comments are more addicting then heroin, and that they knew from personal experience, and that they admit to trafficking drugs[4]. The number of comments one has received has been said to correlate to penis size. And yes, because you thought that one perverse thought, the same applies to females. While comments aren't necessarily a big concern for black people, who receive tons of them automatically, other races have to really keep it up (no pun intended) to prove that they are manly men.
Example of a comment on a social network, one for interracial love:
From: SexiMujereColombiana
Subject: LatinaF4GringoM
Hola, Como Esta? Yo soy la solitera, 18 anos, muy la bella y calienta ;-)
From: RedneckWiteTrashBlucoller
Subject: Re: Hola, Como Esta?
You're an illegal immigrant. Speak English. Or better yet, go back to Mexico.
Bulletins[edit]
Like MySpace, Racialprofiling.com has bulletins that can be sent out to all of the user's friends. MySpace bulletins live about a week, then are devoured relentlessly and regardless of quality[5] into The Eternal Tongue of The Great Wolf of Death and Oblivion[6]. Also like MySpace, there are two main subtypes of bulletin: chain bulletins and "comment my picture!" bulletins. Originally, circa late 2005, chain bulletins had some sort of originality (ex. "WHAT COLOR SKITTEL ARE U???"[7], which required someone to choose what color skittle they were). But that died around the time of the infamous "Just Repost the Bulletin, Damn It!" bulletin, which killed the true masterpieces of bulletinship with its mass word-of-mouth marketability.
Groups[edit]
Groups are a chance for members to socialize with people within their own particular tastes, religion, skin color, etc. This is not discrimination, this is just bias. Because most people are too lazy to actually check if a certain group has been made yet, there are about 1,000 groups entitled "tru al-Q playas"[8] and nearly 10,000,000 Crips groups, about 5x as many as there are actual members of Racialprofiling.com. This leads to endlessly tedious "gang civil wars" in the forums. Sample dialogue from a typical crip fight:
~hyphy~:y'alls niggas aint no tru crips KILLA: U AINT GOT SHIT BITCH ANIT NO SUCH THANG AS A DOWN AZZ CRAB UZE ALL BITCHES ILL MERK YO WHOLE FAMILY RIP Mac Dre: lol....talk about a dumb fucc and watch u gonna write bkacc say'n fucc u or sum shyt lyke dat ni66a quicc try'n to act hard on da net shyt its fucc'n dumbk
At this point in an argument like this, typically, someone is shot nine times. That, or they switch to "yo mama" and/or "yo face" jokes, and the discussion slowly, painfully, and inevitably dies without much notice. As for the Al-Qaeda groups, most are typically put "under maintenance" by the NSA, and then disappear the next day.
Testimonies (Racial Profiling kinda works)[edit]
I found my girl of my dreams on RPdotcompute. She was a member of the Swedish Skins and I was in the White Camelia Knights of the Ku Klux Klan. But when we hitted off on the net, I learned she was a Pagan, speaks English not so well and was a Socialist. Then our relationship came to an abrupt end. - White American Racist boy, learns about the real world, what a reality check on how racial profiling is a false science.
Lawsuits[edit]
Thankfully RacialProfiling.com has already selectively bred it's lawyers using stolen samples of Barack Obama's DNA to defend them from these allegations as a class action lawsuit has recently been filed against the makers of RacialProfiling.com for discrimination based dating websites and actively working to destroy the very concept of love itself.Critics allege the company to be trying to boil the complex process of love to an equation that allows you to easily scientifically prove that someones spouse doesn't really love them because their profiles don't match, Racial Profiling's lawyer, evil clone Obama than asked why no one else had bothered to make a dating website based off of relavent social issues and deeply held values, no one was stopping them, the users of racial profiling's services just cared about the one thing and that was their constitutional right to be closed minded about it and to associate with other similar close minded people. thus they fine makers of voluntary segregation dating services got off scott free, and the world continued to value appearances, jobs and your favorite franchise above all else; another victory for true love.
Jackbootnotes[edit]
- ↑ Excluding whites, for obvious reasons.
- ↑ Not to mention they don't exactly have a College degree in website layout, but that applies to most white people on MySpace, too.
- ↑ Meanwhile, the Muslims are either busy hacking the Pentagon's database or taking your job in Programming/Engineering.
- ↑ The day after the survey was conducted a quarter of Racialprofiling.com users
disappearedwere misplaced. - ↑ Not that there ever is any quality, though.
- ↑ Figuratively.
- ↑ Choices being black, brown, and not quite as brown. Not real skittle colors, actually.
- ↑ Or some variant thereof.
See Also[edit]
- Racism
- Black People
- Islam
- Terrorist
- The Color Problem
- Nazi Zombies: Who else would care this much about homogeneity?