Just Buy The Book, Damn It!

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“Who the heck is Childe Roland anyway?”

~ Noel Coward on Just Buy The Book, Damn It!

“Maybe I don't want to buy the book Damn It! Who's gonna make me? Huh? Who?”

~ Oscar Wilde on Just Buy The Book Damn It!

Just buy it!

Just Buy The Book, Damn It! (2007) is a novel by Stephen King, the popular comedy writer. It is widely regarded as the first definitive proof that he just stopped caring about what rubbish he feeds his audience due to a poor plot, or total lack of one. This is also the first time that King moved into a different genre, Religion. Fellow writers compare this book to the other Religious bestseller The Bible; full of random stuff that doesn't make sense.


The novel follows main character Jack, a security guard for the local vault. Deeply religious and always accompanied by his dog. His last night on watch; the day before he would have moved to California for retirement it is attacked and looted for whatever was inside.

Crimson King is suspected to have stole the contents of the vault in order to use it to bribe the Vatican for a huge amount of money.

Literary views[edit]

General public[edit]

The general public say that it doesn't matter what is in the book, it's by Stephen King; so it doesn't matter. Although, during press conference with Stephen he said that the book is "Just like his other books, great plot, great description and imagery. Hell, it's a page turner."

Many reacted to this in different ways, but most went straight out and brought the book, "It's Stephen King for Christ's sake!"

Other writers[edit]

"Right, let me get this straight, it's a plane... that flies?"
"Ok. Let's start from the beginning.."

The real critics: the fellow writers believe that parts of the novel deal with unnatural things. They don't believe this is a bad thing as it goes with his style, however some of it can be a bit too unnatural. For example the 14th Chapter deals with an aeroplane flying, making the story very hard to believe. "I mean seriously, planes are for running along a run way at very high speed, not for soaring in the air."

Another famous writer, Dan Brown said that "Just Buy the Book, Damn It! is one of the greatest pieces of literature ever published!" However, many have devalued the views of Mr. Brown as he ruined the first book in the Da Vinci code series, The Bible. "He's totally undermined the strength of the main character by saying that he had indeed married a woman." Dan Brown has also gone on to ruin many Films about the Holy Grail as well, such as Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.


Stephen King's marketing department is proud to announce the release of Just Buy The Book, Damn It!, was a raging homosexual. All they needed to do was put an advert saying "New Stephen King book, out now" and watch the people run around trying to find out what the book was called.

Other advertisement departments thought that this was a stupid way to advertise, but are wondering why those electric baths aren't selling.

What gives this book advantage over the others on the market is the name of the piece. The name implies that you need to buy this book otherwise it's as if you're breaking the law.

Part of the "Dark Dog In A Car With Some Guy Called Jack Chasing That Shadowy Guy" series[edit]

Just Buy The Book, Damn It! is the 17th book in the "Dark Dog In A Car With Some Guy Called Jack Chasing That Shadowy Guy" series, wherein which Stephen King has recently made links to his earlier series of mythos, along with several Isaac Asimov novelettes.

Even though it is the 17th book in the series, it's the first one in order of time line. Basically for someone to understand what happens in the rest of the books, they need to have read this one first in order to have any idea on what the others are about.


  • Just Buy The Book, Damn It! has yet to sell any copies since its release in 1999, due to the new generation of people doing the opposite to what the authorities tell them to do.
  • Stephen King originally wrote the book under his pen name, Richard Bachman. King normally does this when his idea for a book is rubbish and then if it gets good reviews he reveals that it is him. He would have kept it as Richard Bachman this time, if it wasn't for journalists revealing his shame.
  • A film version of this book has yet to be made, which is highly unusual for a King novel. Most of his books do get a film version; but film companies were tired of making him money and asked him to make the effort himself, rather than just sitting down and signing paper.

See also[edit]